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Leadership Goals

Steve Adubato, PhD

 

People often confuse being busy with being productive. In my leadership coaching, I remind my clients to focus on “impact over activity,” meaning, we can easily get caught up in our to-do lists and action items for the day that we don’t press pause to look at the impact of our efforts.

 

One of the reasons professionals spin their wheels without moving forward is that they don’t set realistic and relevant goals. People engage in a series of activities that cause them to work long hours, but these activities don’t always have the required impact. For example, an activity may be, “meet with my staff once a week.” While weekly meetings may be necessary and useful, if you don’t clearly define specific goals and what you want the impact of these weekly meetings to be, we can often find ourselves meeting just for the sake of saying we had a meeting.

 

With this in mind, consider some ground rules when establishing goals for yourself and your team so that your efforts will have a significant impact on your success and bottom line:

 

--Make sure you believe in your goal. Don’t just go on “auto-pilot” or go through the motions. If you don’t buy into the goal, how can you communicate it to your team members with conviction? How can you have the passion and persistence necessary to get through the tough times and obstacles that are sure to come?

 

--Be clear and concise when stating your goal. Be straightforward and communicate in everyday English, not jargon-filled, flowery terminology with lots of acronyms. People are not impressed with wordy communication and instead will appreciate you getting right to the point with language they can understand and relate to.

 

--Limit the number of goals you set. Too often we create a laundry list of goals that could never realistically be accomplished. We incorrectly believe that the more we have on the list the more productive we will be. We confuse quantity over quality. Setting the bar high is one thing, engaging in fantasy is another. The more realistic the goal, the greater the odds of achieving it.

 

--Connect your goal to the larger organizational strategic plan. Let team members know why they are working toward this goal and how it connects to the bigger picture plans for them and the company. And be sure to communicate when and how performance directly connected to a particular goal will be reviewed and that new goals will be established accordingly.

 

--Be specific in the results you seek and your expected time frame. Six months or a year from now, how close will you be to meeting your goal? Make sure progress can be measured by credible qualitative and quantitative performance standards, using surveys, statistics, and other feedback mechanisms.

 

--Be firm yet flexible. Yes, you are committed to achieving the goal, but you must adapt to circumstances and changes and possibly revise original goals. As a leader, it is a sign of strength to acknowledge that you need to pivot or go in another direction entirely if the desired results are not being achieved.

 

--Be action-oriented in the goals you set using verbs that describe what you seek to accomplish. For example, “In the next 30 days, our marketing team will create and implement an ad campaign that will bring in $50,000 in new revenue over the next 6-months.” Or, “By the end of this quarter, we will develop and implement a quality customer service initiative that improves customer satisfaction scores by 10 percent.” The key is to clearly communicate your goals on a consistent and specific basis.

Stop the Jargon

Steve Adubato, PhD

Communicating in a clear and concise fashion is challenging. Add to the equation business jargon and buzzwords, and things get even more complex. We are all guilty of using jargon in our everyday business communication. Phrases like “paradigm shift”, “put a pin in it”, “raise the bar”, “circle back” and “at the end of the day,” have been so engrained in our workplace conversations that we don’t hear them. The danger of such ambiguous language is that these expressions can mean very different things to different people.

 

The most effective leaders and communicators use simple, clear, and precise language to get their message across, so you have little doubt what they really mean. The issue of jargon gets even worse in specialized areas of work, such as with lawyers, doctors, and accountants, while the rest of us are confused and frustrated.

 

If you are guilty of communicating through jargon more than you know you should, consider these suggestions:

 

--Think about your audience. Ask yourself what you would want to hear if you were on the receiving end of your communication. One of the golden rules in communication is to be “others-centered,” meaning, if the people in the audience weren’t sitting beside you in law school, medical school, or in that finance class, then assume they don’t know what you are talking about. Use simple and specific language that is universally understood to ensure that the message you are sending is the one being received. Speak for the other person and not yourself.

 

--Avoid acronyms. We all use acronyms as a shortcut in our communication. We use acronyms in our meetings, in sales pitches, and even in our written communication. These abbreviations are often the cause of miscommunication, as the receiver may not ask for clarification if they are unsure of what you are saying. Therefore, if you do use an acronym, briefly explain what it means. If not, your audience is left to figure it out while you are on to a different point.

 

--Find a shorter way to say things. We all use too many words, which can become jargon filled. Therefore, instead of saying, “Your actions are an inappropriate response, which only cause me to feel I have to respond in kind.” Try saying, “That’s really bothering me. Can you stop it.” Be deliberate and concise in the words you use to avoid miscommunication.

 

--Change your way of thinking. Most of us were introduced to jargon long before we even entered the workforce, therefore, it has become engrained in our minds and part of our everyday communication. Get out of your head the idea that jargon makes you sound smart or business savvy. It doesn’t. It creates communication barriers and obstacles and hurts your ability to build relationships and close deals.

 

--Lead by example. As a leader or manager in your organization, it is essential that you not only insist that your team use clear, unambiguous language, but that you model it yourself. Employees want to fit into an office culture, so will mimic the actions of others to show they are part of the team. Therefore, as the leader of your team, be deliberate with the words you use, and others will follow.

 

--Use stories and examples. Don’t say something like, “I leveraged our sales team to help us on the Jones project.” Try saying, “I worked together with Bob on the Jones project to increase our revenue by 10%.” Clearly and simply outlining and defining the impact and results of a particular action is much more effective and useful then using unnecessary jargon.  

First Impressions Matter

Steve Adubato, PhD

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Those words are truer today than ever before. The messages we send in the first few moments of any interaction, whether in person or remotely, can leave a lasting impression on those around us. Consider some of the keys to making a positive first impression.

 

--Camera on. This one may seem obvious, but if you are communicating in a virtual setting, it is nearly impossible to make a good first impression if the other person or audience cannot see you. As a matter of fact, if your camera is off, the message being received by your audience is that you either aren’t confident enough in you or your message to be seen, or worse, that you don’t value the discussion enough to turn on your camera. Either way, the receiver will be turned off if you don’t turn on your camera.

 

--Stand tall. Okay, if you are in a meeting, you may also sit tall, but you get the idea. Your posture when communicating or leading a meeting says a lot about your overall energy, confidence, and intention. If you are slumped over in your chair or bending one knee and leaning while presenting at a podium, you are sending the non-verbal message that you are tired, disinterested, or potentially bored, even if you are none of these things. Keep your body alignment in check the next time you are trying to make a great first impression.

 

--Smile. The power of a smile cannot be underestimated. A warm, natural smile communicates that you are friendly, approachable, and happy to be there having a conversation with that person or audience. This is especially important when meeting someone for the first time, since someone’s reaction to you is greatly influenced by whether you smile.

 

--Genuine interest in other people. People often feel good about other people they meet for the first time, when the person they are meeting makes them feel good about themselves. Positive first impressions are made by people who ask questions of others. They show interest and concern without being nosey or pushy. They pay attention to what is being said and follow up to find out more. There are other simple ways to communicate your interest in other people, which include using someone’s name in a conversation or when meeting someone you are aware of but have never met before; “Jim, it’s great to meet you. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you from Bob.”

 

--Eye contact. Our eyes can communicate something beyond and even deeper than words. Our eyes can show emotions such as fear, happiness, boredom, and uncertainty, so are one of the major factors in someone’s first impression of us. That’s why you may not be open to doing business with someone who can’t look you in the eye and why we often make negative judgments about people who have shifty eyes. Practice using effective eye contact as a way to engage others in a more genuine and sincere fashion.

 

--Positive and upbeat attitude. Have you ever noticed that when you are around someone that has a positive outlook on life, it is contagious? No one wants to be around people with a negative or cranky attitude. That doesn’t mean you walk around with a goofy grin on your face all day acting like the world is perfect, even if it is falling apart around you. Rather, having a positive attitude communicates that you can deal with just about anything that happens and helps to ensure that the message you are sending is more positively received.

Empathetic Leadership
Steve Adubato, PhD
Consider the words of Henry David Thoreau; “Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” Many agree that empathy is one of the most important leadership skills. It involves taking a genuine interest in others and being open to other points of view. However, empathy often does not happen organically or by accident. The ability to empathize—in fact the awareness of the need to empathize—is something we MUST remind ourselves to do. So, as a leader, how can we reprogram our mind and leadership approach to make empathy a priority? Consider the following:
--Look outward. One of the biggest dangers in the leadership and communication game is to become so consumed with our own reality that we become oblivious to the reality of those around us. We lose the ability and willingness to even try to empathize with others, and as a result, our relationships suffer. When we later find out what was really going on with the other person, we often regret our initial reaction and say to ourselves; “If I had only known what was happening, I wouldn’t have acted that way.”
--Benefit of the doubt. If you are interacting with someone and he seems despondent or not particularly friendly, ask yourself what could be going on that might cause such a reaction? Give that person the benefit of the doubt. Become more “other centered” in your thinking and your communication and ask the person some open-ended questions regarding what he is feeling. Give him the option of opening up. By showing concern or interest in others, we are communicating in a more empathetic fashion.
--Be selfless. As leaders, especially as we are working our way up in an organization, we can become “selfish” as a defense mechanism. It is not intentional or malicious, but instead we focus on ourselves and doing those things that will elevate our status within the company. However, the great leaders show their true abilities when they put others first and are “selfless.” In a meeting, recognize a team member for the work he or she did on a project. If someone thanks you for a report you created, be sure to acknowledge the work of the other contributors. No one likes a person who always says, “Hey look at me and all I did.” Include others in your success.
--Genuinely care. A client once asked me, “Steve, can you tell me how to be perceived by others as if I care about them?” To which I asked, “Bob, do you actually care about them?” He responded, “Well, no, but I want them to believe that I do.” Acting as if you care about someone and actually being invested in how they are feeling and what is going on in their lives are two different things. Make a commitment to listen, truly listen, and to be there for those on your team. Trust me, if you are faking that you care about them, they will notice.
--Be kind. As leaders, our patience can be tested. Our expectations may not be met. Deadlines are missed. When these moments happen, remind yourself to be kind. Do a little digging to understand your employees’ behaviors and what tools they may be lacking to get the job done. What more can and should you be doing to put them in the best place to succeed. Simply put, instead of approaching the situation from a place of anger, frustration, or resentment, come from a place of kindness and understanding and, yes, empathy. This will build trust within your team and will lead to increased work productivity and efficiency in the long run.
A Matter of Trust
Steve Adubato, PhD
Trust is a very complex thing. It’s so hard to achieve but so easy to lose, and once you lose it, it seems so hard to get back. Trust is at the core of strong, long-lasting, and enduring relationships and is something that great leaders must work at every day. The following are some of the keys to building trust—a virtue that should never be taken for granted:
Put others first—not just as a leader but as a person. For example, during tough economic times for an organization, a CEO may take a pay cut in order to ensure that people’s jobs will be saved, or other worthy employees will get well-deserved raises. This builds trust and sends the message that the leader is “all in” when it comes to supporting those around him or her and demonstrates that he or she is not a selfish leader.
Listen to other points of view. Want to lose the trust of your people? Then insist that you are right all of the time. Some of the worst leaders confuse stubbornness with being principled. If you want to lose the trust of the people around you, make sure your ideas are the only ones being heard—not listening to your team and their ideas will do the trick.
Do the right thing. For leaders, doing the right thing, even when the easier option is obvious, often involves difficult ethical or moral choices. These choices may be deeply unpopular with the people who are affected, but those closest to the situation will know that the leader did what had to be done to maintain the integrity of the organization and its mission.
Be committed to the cause. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln, among others, were genuinely committed to their causes, not just with words and speeches, but with sacrifice on a level that most of us find hard to comprehend. Leaders who were willing to put their lives on the line and stand in front of those who follow them in the trenches build up extraordinary levels of trust. This kind of trust often inspires others to fight harder and longer for the cause.
Take the blame. When something goes wrong in an organization, the best leaders never throw a team member under the bus. Instead, great leaders step up and take responsibility when things go wrong. One of the quickest ways for a leader to lose trust is to decide he or she is going to blame someone on the team instead of stepping up. For the person being thrown under the bus, all trust in that leader often goes out the window.
Share the credit. The opposite of throwing someone under the bus is taking all the credit for oneself. Too many leaders think, because they hold the top position in the organization, it is their job to have their name on every report and their right to get credit for everything within the organization. This couldn’t be further from the truth. One of the fastest ways to lose trust is to not spread credit around. Great leaders share the credit so that others can succeed.
Be up front. Because circumstances can change so rapidly in our organizations and in life, an important lesson in leadership is to confront these difficult conversations directly. Avoiding them only guarantees a buildup of distrust and resentment. While having such difficult conversations may result in anger and disappointment, the people on the other end can’t say you weren’t forthright about the situation, even if they are unhappy about the outcome. These difficult conversations increase the odds of maintaining trust even if your people aren’t happy with you or with how things turn out.
The Wellness-Leadership Connection
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
When it comes to the wellness-leadership connection, as leaders, we have a responsibility to create an organization and team culture that promotes the wellbeing of every team member. It’s tough enough to focus on our own wellness, but the best leaders understand that while we can’t ensure the wellness of every colleague on our team, we can do things and make decisions that help our teammates prioritize their wellbeing. Some of the actions a great leader can take to promote a “culture of wellness” in the organization or team they are responsible for include the following:
 
·      Flextime. Yes, flextime is about the wellness of every team member. While not possible in every organization, particularly those who work on tight deadlines and deliverables, for many of us as leaders we need to be focused more on the impact of people’s work versus the activity of making sure they are “working” a specific set of hours that is rigidly set in stone.
 
·      If possible…work remotely. Allow team members to work remotely when they can “get their work done” effectively and efficiently without having to commute or deal with traffic. Just requiring people to come into the office for the sake of coming in is counterproductive, not to mention there are some downsides to physically being in the office which include distractions, lack of focus, or being pulled in different directions.
 
·      Reduce the number and length of your meetings. As leaders, we need to stop calling so many meetings that go on forever. Do you want to do something as a leader to promote a culture of wellness on your team? Look at every meeting you are calling and ask yourself is this meeting necessary and is there is a simpler, less time-consuming way to achieve your objective?
 
·      Family first. If team members need to deal with their own wellbeing or the wellbeing of family members, it is family first. If a team member is struggling with a family or personal issue, back off and make sure that team member knows that as a leader you understand that the priority in their life must always be to their family.
 
·      Recognize team members for a “job well done.” Knowing that you are appreciated by the leader of your team feels good. As leaders, we must get in the habit of sending an e-mail, text message, calling on the phone, or saying it in front of other team members that a specific team member has stepped up and done an excellent job.
 
·      Set time to exercise. This clearly means different things to different people as physical abilities and limitation to exercise are highly personal. Whether it is a vigorous run, a bike ride, a stroll outside, stretching, or yoga, find what works best for you and puts you in the best frame of mind to deal with the challenges of the day.
 
·      Check in with team members. Make sure that you ask how a team member is doing and how you as a leader can be helpful without stepping over the line into someone’s personal privacy. Showing that you care is not a leadership technique. It is a way of being. Either you care or you don’t, but if you do, show it.
 
·      Let it go. Simply say what needs to be done without harping on what went wrong, why it went wrong, who did what, etc. Yes, avoid the “blame game.” Not letting something go after the message has been sent is not only counterproductive, but only adds to unnecessary stress, frustration, and an environment that does not support a culture of wellness among team members.
 
The bottom line is that the best leaders know that wellness is all about a frame of mind and a value system that is established, revised, implemented, and reinforced every day. Let’s get well…together.
Great Leaders Own Their Mistakes
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
 
I’m fascinated by the critical question of “taking responsibility” or as I’ve come to describe it as “owning it!” As leaders—even the best leaders—we make lots of mistakes. We do things we regret. We mess up. We make bad decisions. I wonder why? Obviously, it’s because we’re human beings. “Perfect” leaders just don’t exist because perfection is an illusion, not to mention the definition of perfection is highly subjective. But members on our team also make mistakes, and the best leaders understand the need to “own” those mistakes as well. Following are some keys to “owning it” as a leader:
 
No excuses. When things go wrong, it is far too easy to start making excuses or trying to explain our way out of things. Most of our excuses are pretty lame, even when it comes to something as simple as late night snacking or our less-than-constructive responses as a leader when things go wrong. Nobody cares about our excuses. Instead, when you are up front and own the mistake, you can quickly move on and focus on a solution, rather than focusing on the problem.
 
You are responsible. Yes, that’s right. You are responsible for the quality of the work of your team and the mistakes that they make, even if you didn’t have a direct hand in that mistake. Whether it is a typo in a proposal, missing a deadline or some other way a team member fell short, as the leader of your team, you must “own it” with the key stakeholder or client and communicate specifically how you are going to make things right.
 
 
 
Regroup with your team. Once you have set things right externally, a very candid and real conversation needs to take place within your team about what went wrong, why it happened, who “owns” it internally and what exactly must be done (by when) to do all that can be done to make sure the “mistake” is not repeated.
 
Share the credit when things go well. While leaders must take responsibility when things go wrong, they must also go the extra mile to share the credit when things go right. If your organization has a great fiscal quarter or a client reaches out to say how pleased they are with a particular product or service, acknowledge and recognize the individual team members who played a part in making that happen. This not only makes those individuals feel valued, but it sends the message to the entire team that you appreciate their efforts.
 
Don’t Point Fingers. What is even worse than not taking the responsibility yourself is pointing a finger at others. It can sometimes be tempting to deflect or throw someone else under the bus when things go wrong, but as soon as you do that, people on your team will trust you less, which will create a toxic work environment. Instead, model the behavior you would like to see of your team by asking questions, listening, and then moving on to a solution.
 
Taking responsibility is a sign of strength. Too often, leaders in the public eye perceive admitting one’s mistakes as somehow a sign of weakness, which couldn’t be further from the truth. It is the strongest leader who takes full responsibility for his actions, words, and mistakes. So, the next time you or someone on your team makes a mistake, “own it” quickly. Doing so will help you gain the respect of your team and send the message that you are all in this together.
Leadership and Confidence
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
Let’s talk leadership and confidence. According to successful entrepreneur Francisco Dao; “Self-confidence is the fundamental basis from which leadership grows. Trying to teach leadership without first building confidence is like building a house on a foundation of sand. It may have a nice coat of paint, but it is ultimately shaky at best.”
 
I’ve been coaching and teaching about leadership for well over two decades, focusing on such topics as; effective presentations, leading and facilitating engaging meetings, artfully but directly confronting difficult issues and circumstances, accepting and receiving feedback, as well as a variety of other leadership-related matters. One area that is tied closely to many of these coaching areas is confidence and its connection to great leadership. Yet, it is impossible to feel confident in every situation or circumstance you face. Nobody is confident 100% or even 99% of the time. In fact, when people say they are that supremely confident, I am a bit skeptical.
 
When it comes to leadership, confidence can be fleeting and, at times, confounding. With that in mind, consider some tips and tools related to confident leadership:
 
--Be humble and self-aware. A leader who communicates with arrogance and defensiveness and believes he is always right, and refuses to admit his mistakes while blaming others, is not a confident leader. Instead, a confident leader is self-aware, humble, and not afraid to admit when he or she makes a mistake and never points a finger at others.
 
--Be agile. Confidence comes with ebbs and flows, even with the best in their respective field. It’s not that confidence is like a light switch that goes on and off, but there are degrees of it in certain situations that is based largely on how a leader (or any person) chooses to see themselves in a particular situation.
 
--Confidence is a mindset. While confidence is a product of consistent success and receiving positive feedback, as leaders we need to put ourselves in a more confident frame of mind, even without the benefit of recent success or recognition from others. We need to train our mind to view virtually any situation or challenge as an opportunity to confidently deal with it and be at our best, knowing that mistakes and mishaps are just part of the process.
 
--It takes a village. Confident leaders surround themselves with a confidence support system of colleagues, friends, family, or other mentors. Even those who see themselves as confident sometimes need to have their confidence bolstered by others they trust and respect. At times, when you are scared, insecure, vulnerable, or convincing yourself that you just don’t have what it takes to succeed, it takes someone in your personal or professional orbit to help lift you up and remind you of the leader you truly are.
 
--Accept that “loss” is unavoidable. As leaders, we all want to “win,” whether that means landing that dream job, securing a big client or simply having your CEO tell you, “Job well done!,” after a presentation you gave at a board meeting. Our confidence is bolstered with such positive feedback. However, as leaders, we must accept that “loss” is inevitable. What matters in these situations is that we don’t let the situation define us or our effort. Instead, we can again find our confidence by choosing how we view the situation and then putting a plan in place to move forward.
 
Bottom line? Confident leaders consistently strive to be the best they can be, knowing that perfection doesn’t exist, but progress and growth is the ultimate goal.
The Art of Conversations
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
Conversations are essential to almost any situation involving business, leadership, and communication. If you are giving a presentation, keeping it conversational helps you engage with your audience. When providing feedback to a team member, having a conversation versus sending an e-mail or text is the most effective way to ensure message sent equals message received. Closing a deal? There is no better way to build new business relationships than having meaningful conversations. Now more than ever, as we are more than two and a half years into the pandemic, we need to think of conversations as more than “small talk.” Consider the following tips and tools that are essential to the art of conversations:
 
--Be intentional. Don’t just view conversations as informal or impromptu. Too often, we enter a conversation unfocused and not goal oriented. Instead, every conversation should be an opportunity to build a relationship, learn something new or find similarities between you and another person.
 
--Be open to other points of view. Knowing what you want to accomplish is one thing, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be open to alternative outcomes. The key is to be a good listener in a conversation. Good conversationalists (as well as good leaders) understand that there must be a healthy balance between talking and listening.
 
--Every presentation is an opportunity to make a connection. Too often, when we are asked to make a presentation, we see it in a linear fashion and begin preparing PowerPoint slides and all of the information we want to share with our audience. Instead, if we view a presentation as an opportunity to have a conversation, the payoff is huge.
--Know your audience. When talking with someone, get a sense of what his or her agenda is and how he or she views you and the conversation. Be aware of any preconceived fears or needs they have. In short, know who you are having a conversation with and something specific that is important to them.  --Know yourself. Work to understand why you are in this conversation and what exactly you want to accomplish. If you are unclear as to the outcome you seek, you are likely to have a conversation that goes nowhere. Don’t go into a meaningful conversation without your own agenda. Sometimes people criticize those who “have an agenda.” That’s a mistake. The greater danger is conversing with someone who has no agenda or who hides their agenda.
--Be flexible. Be prepared to scrap your agenda and whatever list you brought into a conversation if the need arises. Sometimes, people will surprise you with what they say or don't say. Great conversationalists are open to those surprises and are prepared to adapt.
--Build some momentum in the conversation. If there are several items on your agenda, attempt to get the easy ones resolved up front. This will build a degree of trust and a sense that success is possible. Find the common ground. This will make it easier when you get to the more difficult or challenging agenda items.--Be firm but be fair in your conversation. State your opinion or belief, but don’t draw a line in the sand unless it is a matter of professional life or death. Most issues or questions in the world of business aren’t life or death, and the problem arises when we make them so. Simply put, pick your spots.--Follow up. When a conversation ends, be sure there is an agreement as to next steps. Then, be sure to follow up on what was agreed to by a specific deadline. They key is to keep the conversation going which will in turn keep the relationship going.
Keys to Building Lasting Relationships
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
 
Every successful leader understands the importance of making team members and key stakeholders feel valued and appreciated, which is a key to relationship building. This involves empathy, actively listening, resolving conflict, being solution-oriented, maintaining a positive attitude and offering specific and constructive feedback. Whether you lead a team of 10 or 100 people, and regardless of the products or services you offer, what sets you and your organization apart from the pack is your ability to build relationships with those in your orbit. With that said, consider the following keys to building lasting relationships:
 
--Be helpful. This sounds so simple but having a genuine willingness to help others is the foundation to successful relationships. For example, you can ask someone on your team what you can do to help make their job more rewarding. Or, ask a current or prospective client how you can better help them accomplish their objectives. Sometimes this means referring them to someone else but doing so reinforces your commitment to them and their overall satisfaction. Your customers will appreciate you for it and it will pay off in the long run.
 
--Interactions equal opportunities. Think about how many times you have passed a colleague in the hallway, and don’t stop to say hello. Or, how many events or dinners you have attended where you simply just went through the motions on auto-pilot, talking with only those you already knew? Instead, if you view every team member or stakeholder interaction as an opportunity to build a long-lasting relationship, you would be surprised at the results.
 
--Exceed expectations. If you have a dissatisfied team member, client, or key stakeholder, offer a solution that exceeds their expectations. In order to do this, you must take the time to ask open-ended questions to find out exactly what went wrong and then use this information to get creative, offering a solution that truly lets them know you heard them and care about earning back their trust. When mistakes happen and things inevitably go wrong, the key is to see these times as opportunities to build loyalty.
 
--Let them know you are thinking about them. Especially in an age of COVID-19, with people working remotely or in hybrid situations, it is more important than ever to let your team and key stakeholders know how valuable they are. Send a random e-mail or text to a team member “just because,” to say you appreciated their input in a meeting. Or, pick up the phone and call a customer to touch base and ask how their family is doing. These little touches go a long way when building relationships.
 
--Be present. Give your team and key stakeholders your undivided attention. This means no multitasking. No checking your e-mail or text messages while on a call or virtual meeting. No looking at your computer when someone walks into your office to have a conversation. When we are not truly present, we miss out on opportunities to connect with others, not to mention we turn people off in the process.
 
--Avoid too much information (TMI). We have all been there when a salesman tries to “pitch” us on a product or service, telling us all they know with tons of figures and statistics. Numbers can be numbing. Instead, show your key stakeholders how much you care about them and their point of view by having an engaging discussion and finding out as much as you can about what matters to them. Leave out the PowerPoint and detailed facts. When building long-lasting relationships, less is more.
Change, Innovate and Adapt
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
 
It has often been said that the only constant is change. Yet, despite this, some leaders either can’t or won’t adapt or innovate, regardless of the external forces around them. Whether it is a market swing, a global pandemic, decreasing revenue or other paradigm shift, these leaders often cling to the status quo as if it is a viable option. The problem with this approach is that change is an inevitable fact of life, so let’s break down how best to deal with this reality.
 
--Choose your perspective. While it is true that change often involves forces that are outside of our control, what is in our control is how we choose to respond and react to change. One option is to dig in our heels and resist the change, complain, or become angry or frustrated. The more effective option is to see change as an opportunity to pivot and approach a situation differently.
 
--Get creative. When the world changes around us, if we proceed as we have always done, we cannot expect a positive outcome. Instead, we need to innovate and adapt, and yes, get creative, and find new ways of doing things. Great leadership involves taking a more strategic and entrepreneurial approach both operationally and financially, especially in a rapidly changing landscape.
 
--Be decisive. Too often when things are happening around us, one of the hardest things to do is make a decision or take action for fear of it not being the right or “best” decision. We are afraid that taking bold or decisive action may backfire or not result in the desired outcome. The problem with this approach is that not making a decision sends the message to your team and key stakeholders that you are okay with things “staying the same,” despite the negative impact this may have on your organization and bottom line.
 
--Evolve. This sounds so simple, but consider that many organizations, companies, and industries couldn’t or wouldn’t adapt or evolve to stay competitive and thriving. Here is just a short list; Blockbuster. Kodak. Most newspapers. Blackberry. Xerox. MySpace. Sears. RadioShack. Clearly, such a list is always changing. So, be innovative, agile, adaptable, flexible, and yes, willing to evolve.
 
--“Connect the dots.” Be the kind of strategic leader that “connects the dots” and makes the necessary adjustments to stay in the game. Being innovative is not an option or simply a desirable leadership trait, it is an absolute necessity. If COVID hasn’t reinforced this reality, I can’t imagine what will. It is all about the need to constantly be thinking about new and creative ways to lead your organization in these very uncertain times.
 
--Hope is not a plan. While it is impossible to know exactly what the future may hold, the one thing that is certain is that nothing stays the same. Sticking our heads in the sand and hoping for the best is not how organizations survive and thrive. Strategic leadership involves having a plan and then creating a sense of urgency when communicating the benefits of embracing the plan and the risks of not.
 
--Be patient. While a sense of urgency is important when reacting to the changes around us, so is having patience. Try to avoid becoming frustrated when the decisions you are making do not lead to the desired results. When this happens, it may be time to pivot again, be agile and reassess the situation. Being strategic often means taking a step back, adapting and being open-minded to what will help you and your organization reach your goal.
Grit: The Really Tough Stuff
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
 
Grit is a funny thing. Some people mistakenly believe it is about simply being fearless—leaders who just believe that they can do anything—regardless of the obstacles they face. My view of grit is a bit different. In many cases, I’m convinced that exceptional leaders with genuine grit do in fact experience some degree of fear, self-doubt, and vulnerability. Yet, despite all this, these leaders persevere and refuse to give up. They refuse to give in to those very real emotions and feelings. The truly great leader is not someone who is never afraid. He is the leader who may in fact be afraid but chooses to do the strong and courageous thing anyway. He takes the action he knows is harder and will potentially be more painful because he refuses to give in and refuses to give up.
 
Grit is about after getting knocked down, having no choice but to get back up again and again. It is about resilience and resourcefulness. It is about refusing to be a victim. I’m not saying these leaders with tons of grit never feel sorry for themselves. Of course, they do. It’s just that the “pity party” doesn’t last that long. I’m not saying this grit thing is easy. Yet, for many of us, grit is a choice. It’s a frame of mind. Nobody bats 1,000 when it comes to grit, but over time, the best leaders build grit into their leadership DNA. It’s what they rely on when the “tough stuff” comes calling, such as a global pandemic, an economic downturn, a major business failure, etc.
 
As for the tough stuff the best leaders face on a regular basis, I’m not convinced that grit is simply a question of having it or not or being born with it or not. One thing I’ve learned about strong leaders when it comes to grit is that they don’t obsess over what they can’t control but rather put all their energy and passion into what they can—if not control—at least influence and greatly impact. Let’s break down some of the most significant traits of the grittiest leaders:
 
Resilience. The ability to bounce back after getting knocked down. It is simply refusing to give in or give up no matter the odds or how many times we fall short.
 
Passion. The grittiest leaders care deeply, not just about what they do but about its impact on others. They care deeply about their craft, their art, their specialty, whatever that may be. But they also have tremendous passion about pursuing excellence and the highest standards in their respective field.
 
No excuses. Gritty leaders don’t make excuses. They don’t blame others or point fingers. Yes, there are extenuating circumstances, but gritty leaders don’t use this to focus on what they can’t do and why.
 
Ego and pride. Ego isn’t always a bad thing for a leader, especially if one’s ego causes them to have tremendous pride in what they do and how they perform. That combination of ego and pride produces a degree of grit that will often help a leader get through the toughest stuff he or she is likely to face.
 
Intense competitiveness. I’m not necessarily referring to comparing yourself to others, but rather constantly competing against yourself, comparing yourself to your previous performance as a leader. This intense sense of competition and drive to be better is essential to great leadership.
 
Fail forward. Seeing “losing” as an opportunity to learn. Falling short, getting rejected, coming in 2nd, gritty leaders just see these outcomes as an opportunity to grow and learn from past mistakes or missteps. Gritty leaders see “losing” as the fuel that drives them toward excellence.
 
Strategic Leadership: “Connecting the Dots”
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
 
Being a strategic leader requires that we slow down, think, and ask ourselves; “What exactly is my goal?” “What specifically am I trying to accomplish?” We must also recognize trends, challenges and opportunities and think through the best ways to adapt and pivot. It is all about seeing how a situation or event is “connected” to another and then leading accordingly. It is all about “connecting the dots,” so let’s consider the following:
 
Realize that there are dots to be connected. For many leaders, they believe that their job is to simply “deal with the situation” at a particular time without connecting the dots as to where trends and market forces are likely to go. This leadership approach is often a dangerous mistake. As hockey great Wayne Gretzky famously once said, “I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.”
 
Accept that this isn’t natural. For many professionals, connecting the dots isn’t part of their leadership DNA. It requires a lot of thought and a very strategic and innovative mindset. But strategic thinking, leadership and communication also demands your attention, time, and a deep commitment to do more than what your job description states as a CEO, COO or whatever your title may be. It means you must care deeply to help put your team or organization in a position to grow, evolve and succeed.
 
Avoid linear thinking. Some leaders think in a more linear fashion, as if they have the luxury of moving from A to B and then to C, etc. This simplistic and flawed leadership approach just won’t cut it in a highly competitive, fluid and constantly evolving environment. The best leaders understand that the “dots” are a combination of data points, trends, occurrences, and events, and make a conscious decision to find the best ways to connect those dots. 
 
Take a moment to pause. When things get tough, especially in high-pressured and sensitive situations, strategic leadership is more important than ever. While you can’t predict with certainty exactly how things are going to play out, it important to pause, think and assess the situation and then calmly and decisively consider the possible options on how best to proceed.
 
Change is the only constant. Strategic leaders can’t predict or anticipate the future, but they must understand that the status quo is rarely, if ever, an option. Sure, in some situations, doing nothing and not acting is in fact the best option available at the time, but that is not the norm. The key is to understand that embracing and leading change must be a part of a leader’s DNA.
 
Expect disruptions. Just as change is inevitable, so are disruptions. Great leaders are prepared to adapt, adjust, and pivot with both a sense of urgency and yet with a sense of calm and strategic perspective. While this is easier said than done, being a strategic leader also involves managing emotions when the so-called “unexpected things” happen. 
 
Ask key questions of yourself. As a leader who must connect and engage with a complex set of stakeholders and audiences, ask yourself some key questions. “What exactly is my goal?” “What specifically am I trying to communicate?” “What are some options I haven’t considered?” The key is to avoid going on “auto pilot,” or going through the motions, and put yourself in the best position to succeed by being more intentional and deliberate in your actions.
 
Great Leaders Connect on Any Playing Field
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
We would all rather be communicating and connecting in person. But sometimes, that is simply not possible or even preferable for a variety of reasons. Great leaders must be able to connect with any audience—regardless of the platform. The decisions around how we engage each other, be it in person or remote, will be dictated more and more by issues involving logistics, travel, economics, and individual preference. The need to communicate and connect in a remote world is an essential leadership requirement, so let’s consider some practical tips and tools in this area:
 
--Find the camera. I know it feels more comfortable to look at others on the screen when you are communicating, but when you do this, you are not making eye contact with your audience. The only way to connect with your audience is not by looking at them on your screen, but rather by looking directly into the camera, which is near the green or red dot on your device. That is how others see you looking at them and making “eye contact.”
 
--Be concise and clear. In remote communication, many leaders and team members are distracted. Our attention span is shorter. We wander. So, get to the point faster. Lead shorter meetings. Don’t drone on. If you have a 5- or 6-minute presentation that you’ve planned, turn it into a 3-minute presentation. Simply put, edit yourself.
 
--Engage them. In a remote setting, people must be engaged. The longer you hear one person’s voice in a remote setting, the more likely your audience is to become disengaged and disconnected. Get others talking. Ask more open-ended questions of individual team members. This takes practice, persistence, and assertiveness, but engaging others pays off big time in the remote world.
 
--Cut down or eliminate your PowerPoint. Only use PowerPoint if it adds a lot to your presentation. Realize that as soon as you opt to use PowerPoint, you minimize the screen of participants. The PowerPoint takes over, and the meeting participants are usually in a narrow column along the righthand side of your screen. Your PowerPoint slide often becomes another barrier between you and your audience.
 
--Lean in. Get closer to the camera. Fill up your screen, especially when presenting. You wouldn’t sit back in your chair or lean back in an in-person presentation, rather, you would lean in. You must do the same in a remote setting, which takes practice and self-awareness.
 
--Bring your passion. People need to not just see, but feel, how strongly you believe what you are saying. That takes passion and, yes, energy. Low key, remote communication has its place, particularly when dealing with sensitive or difficult issues, but when you are engaging and trying to persuade your audience in a remote setting, a lack of passion can be deadly. 
 
--Be present. Eliminate your distractions. Most of us can admit that in a remote meeting we have on occasion checked e-mail and text messages. But I’ve also come to realize that especially when the stakes are high in a remote meeting, the need to be more present and focused is more critical than ever.
 
 
--Slow down. Because you are in a remote setting, sometimes it is harder to understand exactly what you are saying. So, pausing and using deliberate, annunciated communication is critical to having the message sent be the message received. Fast talkers who often sound as if they are jumbling words together can give the impression that they are either nervous or are frankly not that concerned about others understanding them. 
Don’t Sweat the Q&A
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
 
Many leaders communicate poorly and panic when they face challenging questions. I am talking about answering questions under pressure in a challenging situation in which your audience is curious and, in some cases, concerned as to what you’ve presented. They want to better understand and know more, and it is your job as a leader to seize this Q&A opportunity and make the most of it. With  that in mind, following are some best practices for the Q&A. 
 
Change your perspective. Instead of thinking to yourself, “I get so stressed out after I deliver a presentation. What if I am asked a question and I don’t have the answer?,” view the Q&A as an opportunity to engage with your audience. Challenging questions allow a leader to clarify his message. They also give a presenter a unique opportunity to better identify and understand the potential opposition key stakeholders may have to what has been proposed. 
 
Be patient and listen to the entire question. Pause and take a moment to think through the entire question before you respond. Listen to understand versus listening to simply respond. Too many of us are so anxious to let the questioner know that we have an “answer” to a question that we jump in too quickly, often cutting off the questioner because in our minds we already “know” what they are asking. Let the questioner get out the entire question, listen and confidently respond accordingly.
 
Breathe. Actually breathe. When communicating in a situation where there is some degree of pressure or anxiety, we often forget to breathe or breathe too rapidly. Some leaders are so nervous that they border on hyperventilating. Practice slowing down your breathing, cadence and, yes, pause, not just to think more clearly but to communicate in a more thoughtful and deliberate fashion.
 
Respond to a challenging question in an assertive and proactive fashion. Communicate by pivoting or bridging to your main message. When asked a question, respond succinctly and briefly for approximately 15 seconds, and no more than 30, and then “pivot” back to your main message using such phrases as, “what really matters here is…” or “the key message I want to get across is…” By using this more strategic communication approach, a leader can reframe and manage the Q&A in a more impactful fashion.
 
Be concise. Monitor yourself. Get to your point concisely and quickly. Use the phrase, “so my point is…” Using this phrase is a trigger. It forces you to get to the point. Some leaders are so unaware of how long they have been talking (and in turn how they have lost their audience) that they pay a hefty and unnecessary price.
 
Anticipate the three or four toughest questions you are likely to be asked. Think about what your audience is likely to be asking and prepare for how you would respond. The more you prepare for the difficult or challenging questions you are likely to be asked, the more confident and composed you will be during the Q&A.
 
Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.” It is often an unforced error for a leader to act like they know the answer to a question when they clearly don’t. One of the worst things a leader can do is to say something dishonest or to make a statement that they can’t back up just because they feel the need to “answer the question.” It is okay to say you don’t know the answer and then state how exactly you will follow up and by when.
Why Leaders Must Artfully Confront
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
 
As leaders, we must confront or deal with difficult, challenging and often uncomfortable situations. This is so easy to say, and so much harder to do. There is nothing fun about confrontation, but when leaders refuse to or are incapable of dealing with these sticky situations, organizations pay a heavy price. Consider the following when it comes time to artfully confront an individual or a situation. 
 
--Don’t be unnecessarily argumentative or contentious. Instead, be the kind of thoughtful, courageous and strategic leader and communicator that says; “This is not a good situation. It’s been going on for a while, and if I as a leader and we as an organization don’t deal with it in a constructive and candid fashion it should have a seriously negative impact on our team.” It is all about how you frame your message.
 
--Use confrontation as a coaching and mentoring tool. When a team member isn’t performing at a level the team needs in order to succeed, view this as an opportunity to confront the situation by coaching the team member on specifically what he or she needs to improve upon. Then, if even after continued coaching, if the particular team member isn’t “getting the job done,” it may be time to get him or her “off the bus.”  
 
--Consider that a team member may be “playing out of position.”  Simply put, you may need to confront the fact that a specific team member is not right for a particular role on the team. He or she may not have the skills, the inclination, or the mindset to do what the organization needs. The best leaders identify responsibilities and projects that better take advantage of his or her skillset. 
 
--Swiftly confront a negative attitude.  Even if a team member has the requisite skills and is doing a competent enough job, if his or her overall attitude and demeanor is counterproductive and disruptive to the team, it must be confronted immediately. The danger of not doing so will impact the morale of other team members, overall team productivity and frankly has a negative impact on the leader’s psyche. It can also cause the team leader to lash out and contentiously bicker with others.
 
--Use real life examples. Use concrete and specific examples to paint a clearer picture of how you see the situation. Don’t assume the other person understands just because you understand. When confronting a particular situation be sure to cite real-life, actual examples where the team member fell short so he or she can learn from the experience. 
 
--Manage your emotions. Regardless of the message you are delivering, emotions can easily become charged. The key is to keep your emotions in check, and if you see the other person starting to get defensive or emotional, navigate the situation carefully by either reframing the discussion or taking a quick pause to the meeting. 
 
--Be flexible and agile. When you anticipate push back, defensiveness, or an outright rejection, you need to be prepared to adapt your conversational strategy accordingly. By simply thinking that things will work out the way you want them to basically means you are not prepared. 
 
--Be empathetic. Take the time to think about what YOU would want to hear in a similar situation. Imagine what it might be like to receive the information you are about to share. In many cases, when the other person believes that you are making that attempt, they feel appreciative. Again, they are not happy to hear the news, but your effort to empathize will make it just a little more bearable. 
Feedback is a Funny Thing
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
I have been thinking a lot about why receiving and giving feedback is so challenging for so many leaders. Feedback is complex, but it is essential to developing ourselves as leaders and as individuals, as well as helping to develop those around us. There are so many ways we can improve as leaders, whether it is being more concise, better managing our time, having more confidence when communicating in public, being more open to others’ points of view or the need to be a better listener. Consider the following when it comes to this funny thing called feedback:   
 
Mini-360 feedback exercise. If you want to know how people perceive you, try this exercise.  Ask several colleagues two key questions. First, “What are my two greatest leadership strengths?” It is great to have this positive feedback that tells you how good you are in certain areas. But this exercise becomes more challenging when you get to the second question, which is to ask those around you to identify two, possibly three “opportunities to improve as a leader” and provide specific examples for each. 
 
Be prepared to receive the feedback. Every leader who wants to be his or her best proactively seeks and needs candid and constructive feedback. Yet, no matter how evolved we think we are as leaders or how high our emotional intelligence quotient is, real feedback that talks about your “opportunities to improve” is not natural or easy for most of us to hear as well as to offer such feedback to colleagues.
 
Don’t get defensive. When receiving feedback, our instincts kick in and we tend to disagree, deflect, and defend and we explain that the feedback giver “just doesn’t understand.” You can’t argue with the feedback of someone you trust and respect because that is how they view you and your actions. Instead of shutting down or arguing with the person giving you such valuable feedback, remain open-minded to the possibility that as good as you are, there are places where you can improve. 
 
Make a commitment to improve. If someone reports that you are quick to blame and point fingers when things go wrong, see this as an opportunity to change your approach. The more you adjust your mindset, you will retrain your leadership “muscle memory” to dealing with mistakes and then quickly exploring potential solutions.
 
Don’t ignore the feedback. When you ignore feedback, it sends the message that you don’t care that much about the valuable gift you have been given, and that the perspective of the person giving the feedback isn’t of any great value. It has the potential to hurt your relationship with that person and you miss an opportunity to improve.
 
Insist on constructive feedback. If someone says that they simply can’t identify any “opportunities for you to improve,” push harder, because no one is perfect. If the person still won’t give you constructive feedback, identify someone else you trust to complete the mini-360 feedback exercise. The resistance for giving constructive feedback is often just as confounding and problematic as the resistance and defensiveness to hear and receive it. That’s why feedback is such a funny thing. 
 
So, here is the deal. The next time you either ask for constructive feedback from someone you respect and care about or someone offers it without you even asking, choose to be open. Choose to not be defensive. Choose to do something about it. You not only have nothing to lose, but you have everything to gain. Remember that no one is perfect, nor is that the goal. But rather our goal is constant improvement and the only way that happens is by seeing feedback as the gift that it is and openly accepting and embracing it.
“Funnel” Your Questions for Positive Results
By Steve Adubato, PhD
 
Asking questions is an art form. Some people are a lot better at it than others. The most effective professionals in sales, customer service or consulting, are those who truly understand how to ask questions. One of the most effective questioning techniques is called the “funnel” approach. Consider the following:
 
What is the “funnel” approach to asking questions? Picture what a funnel looks like, wide at the top and narrow at the bottom. The idea is to ask broad, very general questions at the start of a conversation and continue to narrow the focus of your questions with greater specificity. Your goal is to draw out your audience, be it one or one hundred, in an effort to capture their true wants, hopes and needs.
 
Move from general to more specific questions. Your first question opens the door. You want to get the other person talking. Consider some general questions that achieve this goal: What do you like most about your work? What goals do you and your organization want to accomplish over the next six months? How do you see your personal and/or professional life changing over the next several years?
 
Actively listen. After you ask the question, the key is to truly listen to what is said and make sure the next questions you ask tap into what you’ve heard. Start narrowing the funnel. So, for example, if someone responds to the question regarding what they like most about their work; “I enjoy the challenges I face on a daily basis and the opportunity to take risks,” a logical follow-up question would be, “That’s great, George, but could you tell me of a recent challenge you've had in the last month or so?” or, “What's the biggest risk you've taken recently and how did it work out?”
 
Get even more specific. Now you are getting to the bottom of the funnel. “What was the reaction of those around you to how you took on the challenge?” or “When you took on that risk, what was your greatest fear or concern?” Then finally, at the bottom of the funnel, you might say; “What's the biggest lesson you've taken away from this?” Resist the urge to jump around to different topics or other lines of questioning that have nothing to do with the area you are attempting to explore. You can't have several funnels going on at the same time.
 
Have a game plan. One of the biggest questioning mistakes people make is to ask questions without a game plan. They are all over the map. It is as if they think that magically they are going to unearth some crucial information with this haphazard technique. Well, it is not going to happen. Plus, you are wasting valuable time and turning people off.
 
The funnel approach is helpful in solving problems and identifying opportunities. Consider this. If you are in a debate with someone, what do you accomplish by simply arguing the same point over and over again? Usually nothing. So, instead of arguing with someone, ask a question; “Jim, I want to understand this. If we do what you propose, what impact do you think it will have on our customers?” The goal is to get out of argument mode and move to a more productive dialogue. A probing question is a great way of switching gears. Then, once Jim responds, you can proceed with the funnel approach by asking a more specific question. Simply put, questions are powerful, so how you ask them should be taken seriously.
Everyone is a Leader…And a Problem Solver
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
 
Leading seminars and coaching always teaches me something new about leadership and communication.  In a recent seminar, while discussing certain leadership frustrations many leaders have around the work of team members, a client brought up his concerns about team members sometimes bringing him problems, dumping them on his lap, and expecting him to “fix” things simply because he holds the highest position in the org chart.  Consider the following when it comes to leadership and problem solving:
 
--Problem solving 101.  Have you ever heard a leader say don’t bring me a problem unless you have a solution?  That is not exactly what we are talking about.  This is too simplistic, myopic and discourages team members from bringing problems to you because too often the solution isn’t so clear cut.  I have come to look at it this way.  Before you go to a leader of an organization in a knee-jerk fashion by saying, “Hey boss, we have a problem,” team members need to think, brainstorm, and consider possible options and potential solutions.  That doesn’t mean that they know exactly what to do, but they have thought about it.  They have pondered it.  They have struggled with it. 
 
--Why doesn’t this happen more often?  I have come to the realization that many team members have what I call the “I am not the leader, you are” philosophy.  But that thinking just won’t get most teams where they need to be in a highly competitive, fast-changing, evolving environment with intense competition.  That approach won’t work on the best teams, the teams that have to be innovative, creative, entrepreneurial and ultimately successful.  In fact, what I am advocating is that ultimately, on the best teams, “everyone is a leader.”
 
--What is the job of the leader of the team who isn’t at the highest level on the organizational chart?  I argue that the leader should take their frustration around having a problem dumped on their lap and channel it into asking effective questions of team members and helping them to be the most effective leaders they can be.  My approach is to describe my own shortcomings as a leader and what I have learned in the process.  In this regard, I have been guilty of being a less than effective leader when having a problem dumped in my lap.  I admit it, I have a “fix it” mentality. 
 
--A “fix it” mentality is not the best approach for a leader who wants to build the best team possible.  It creates unintended consequences.  More specifically, if a leader is the “Mr. Fix It” team members come to expect he or she will simply fix any problem, and that leader enables others not to think for themselves.  He or she lowers expectations for every team member by not challenging them to be more creative, entrepreneurial and strategic in their thinking and collaborating with others by coming up with options as to how to deal with particularly difficult situations.  In my view, it creates a “top down” culture that does not promote an entrepreneurial, innovative spirit. 
 
--Encourage collaboration and brainstorming.  As leaders, we must help our team members be the leaders they are capable of being, even if they tell you at first that they are not leaders, but they are willing to follow direction.  That is not enough.  As leaders we must encourage collaboration, brainstorming and yes, the struggle of team members thinking through a problem and presenting possible options and solutions.  Is any of this easy?  Of course not.  But leadership, at least the kind I am describing, is not for everyone.  But for those of us who try to practice this leadership on a daily basis, in spite of the frustrations, it is extremely rewarding.
The Payoff of “Forced Engagement” and Facilitation
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
Throughout the COVID-19 pandemic, as well as when we get back to the so called “new normal,” great leaders must assertively engage others. Whether you call it “forced engagement” or “assertive engagement,” as leaders we sometimes, in certain situations, must be really assertive, bordering on forcing, participation and engagement of others in meetings and conversations. Consider the following: 
 
--Why must leaders engage and what does that really mean? Consider how many Zoom meetings you have been in, particularly since the pandemic hit in early 2020, and how often you were some combination of bored, disinterested, engaged in multi-tasking, texting, e-mailing and doing a variety of other things while this so-called meeting was going on. Why is that? Clearly,  you were not engaged.
 
--How does a leader “force engagement?” The best leaders pull in meeting participants. They call you by name, they ask you a question or they press you for your opinion or perspective. Another way to engage others is to follow up on something someone says because you want to know more. As a result, your meeting participants feel invested and begin thinking, sharing, listening and actively participating. 
 
--Where else do leaders actively engage participants? In virtually everything we do. Too often, leadership is seen by too many as simply directing other people to do specific things. This “command and control” approach to leadership does work and is appropriate in certain situations, such as in a high-pressured, time-sensitive law-enforcement scenario, or a fire, crisis or other disaster. Command and control leadership has its place. However, these situations are not the norm and too many of us as leaders are not prepared to or committed to getting other people talking.
 
--But doesn’t calling on people make them feel uncomfortable? Asking people questions, by name, can sometimes be considered “putting people on the spot”. Yet, how is it that we define asking people questions to get their input and invite them to share their perspective as “putting them on the spot?” Wouldn’t a team benefit from hearing what other team members are thinking? How will we share ideas and think about difficult and challenging issues in our workplace if we do not forcefully engage all team members? Professionally and personally, I don’t see how that is possible.
 
--What does it mean to be a great facilitator? Leaders must ask themselves exactly how they will actively create an environment in which engagement is the norm and not the exception? As leaders, we must see ourselves as facilitators. We must “force” engagement. It is like a point guard in basketball or a quarterback in football. Your job is to move the team forward and put team members in the best position to succeed.
 
What if people say they are turned off by this approach? That’s okay. If you feel “put on the spot” by me asking you a question, my question is, why do you think so little of yourself that what you have to say has no value? Further, I’ve had clients over the years say, “Steve, I’m okay with you asking questions, but not of specific people. Why not just ask the group a question and let someone volunteer to answer who feels confident enough to speak in front of  the group?” In theory, that is a terrific idea. But in practice, it doesn’t work because the same two or three people answer virtually every question. 
 
How can you make this approach part of your DNA? If you do this enough, and do it in the spirit of collegiality, over time a leader can actually create a more engaged culture in an organization by raising the bar for everyone’s participation. It won’t be easy, but the payoff is worth any initial discomfort or awkwardness.
Communicate With Class When You Quit
Steve Adubato, Ph.D. 
 
 
We have all been there at one time or another. We find ourselves in a work situation or career that is not a great fit, doesn’t fulfill our professional aspirations or, simply put, is just not making us happy in one way or another. If we stay in that job and let the negative energy and emotions build up, we may get to a point where we implode and tell our boss, “Take this job and shove it.”
 
I get it. Many people dislike their jobs and would love to depart in a very dramatic fashion (think Tom Cruise in the movie, Jerry Maguire, holding up a bag with a goldfish, publicly leaving his job and asking who is coming with him?). However, in real life, trashing the company or telling off your boss or your colleagues has an obvious catch. If you ever have to work again for another organization, it will stick with you for years to come. With this in mind, consider the following tips and tools on how to communicate when quitting:
 
--No matter how much you hate your job, there is no value in saying so. How are you helping yourself by telling your boss that he’s a jerk or telling a coworker that you dislike him or her? I’m not suggesting that you go out of your way to lie and tell them how great they are, but show some dignity. Take the high road and communicate something like this; “You know, I wish it could have worked out here. But, both of us know it just wasn’t the best match. I wish you success in the future.” How does that hurt you? What does that really cost? 
 
--Never publicly trash or bad mouth your former employer. Sure, you can tell your close friends and family in private everything you really feel. Get your frustration out there, but remember, when you publicly trash the place and the people you are leaving behind, that carnage has a tendency to follow you when your next prospective employer calls some of those folks and asks about you as an employee. This also means no negative comments on social media either, since once you put it out there, you can’t take it back. Think about your next step before you open your mouth on your way out the door.
 
--Train your replacement. No matter how happy you are to leave and want to get out the door as quickly as possible, make sure you communicate how willing you are to take the necessary time (preferably two weeks or longer if possible) to train your replacement. You may hate everything about doing it, but it speaks highly of you and your professionalism when you do this. It will help when people check out your previous employer and it will also do something for you to know that you’ve helped a new person learn the ropes. Karma is a funny thing. 
 
--Communicate face to face that you are leaving, first with your supervisor and then with anyone else who matters in the organization. I have heard of employees quitting via e-mail, text, a phone call or, one time, an employee just mysteriously left a letter on her employer’s desk and disappeared into the sunset, never to be seen or heard from again. Talk about tacky and unprofessional. Never resign in such a fashion. Just like you don’t accept a job through electronic communication, you shouldn’t leave a job that way. Face to face communication will hopefully never go out of style in the world of business.
Silence Speaks Volumes when Communicating
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.
 
 
In the world of communication and leadership, silence often sends a powerful message.  Not saying a word in certain situations speaks volumes, whether it is in a presentation, a negotiation, or in a heated debate or argument with a co-worker.  Yet, silence is a communication tool that few leaders really understand how to use.  Let’s take a closer look. 
           
--The strong silent type.  What exactly does silence communicate?  In early Hollywood years, the term “strong silent type” was coined to describe actors who would communicate strength and confidence without saying a word.  Today, think about actors like Robert De Niro or Al Pacino, especially in movies like The Godfather I and II.  Their silence says so much to so many.  The same thing is true in business.  If you are asked a question and you don’t immediately respond it could communicate many things.  You could be thinking, angry, uncomfortable or just not sure what you want to say.   Silence can also intimidate and dominate your audience. 
 
--Be self-aware.  Too often we think communicating is simply talking nonstop in a linear fashion—no pauses, no planned silence, no hesitation, no rhythm—just talking randomly.  We are not aware of how we are being received and perceived by others.  We don’t consider that being silent when being introduced to a large and boisterous crowd has the potential of silencing your audience and getting them to focus more on you and your message.  Our lack of understanding of the power of silence is indicative of how most professionals miss subtle communication tools and techniques that can help them on so many levels.  It’s why we ramble endlessly without stopping to check in with our audience. 
 
--Silence has a profound impact.  It helps you as a communicator to pace yourself and breathe.  It allows you to organize your thoughts and emphasize one point or another.  It builds anticipation in your audience and allows them to follow your message.  We are so used to constant sound.  We need to learn to see silence or pausing as similar to the “white space” in a print ad in a newspaper, magazine or billboard.  Too many words without enough “white space” can cause a message to be lost.  The same thing is true of words.  Pausing and silence creates the “white space” to put those words in context and have them jump off the page. 
 
--Pausing and silence can be uncomfortable, but only if we let it.  We put so much pressure on ourselves to think of the perfect or correct thing to say, that as soon as we experience a second or two of silence, we panic.  This often causes us to say things we wish we hadn’t, without thinking them through.  Words just flow from our mouths without any focus and we often pay the price later.  However, if when experiencing silence, we took a breath and said to ourselves; “What am I thinking right now?  How do I feel?  What do I want to say?  What does my audience want and need to hear right now?” then we would project more confidence and a greater comfort level.  These techniques will help the person you are talking to feel more at ease.  So it is not the silence or pausing that is the problem, it is our reaction to it and our fear of it. 
 
Getting comfortable with and incorporating the sound of silence into our everyday communication will pay huge dividends in the world of communication and in our everyday conversations. 
Communication is Key to Resolving Conflict
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.
 
 
There are many causes of unproductive workplace conflict, such as a leader’s need to win a debate, which gets him or her into unhealthy arguments.  Effective leaders understand these conflict triggers and work to minimize their impact and address the problem before it gets out of hand.  They also have solid communication skills and tools that come in handy when dealing with and resolving conflict.  With that said, consider some additional causes of conflicts in the workplace, and how to avoid them:
 
--Emotional “blind spots.”  These “blind spots” occur when people or situations produce an irrational reaction in us.  They may be people that we just don’t like or don’t know how to deal with.  This is a “blind spot” for a leader.  Additionally, we can have “blind spots” about the need to recognize and reward our people.  Often, we think we’re doing just fine, but our employees feel differently.  The longer we ignore these “blind spots,” the deeper the conflict becomes. 
 
--A bad attitude or emotional “baggage.”  All of us carry “baggage” and have to manage our own attitudes.  Often, we don’t realize that all this impacts the way we communicate and manage others.  Further, sometimes we are frustrated by a workplace colleague or situation but won’t or can’t confront it directly; rather, we misplace our frustration and direct it toward an innocent party who doesn’t see it coming.  You can predict the outcome…conflict!
 
--Employee differences.  Sometimes a cause of conflict centers on factors such as culture, gender, age or work experiences.  The more diverse workplaces become, the greater potential there is for conflict based on differences.  This requires managers to become more active listeners as opposed to simply barking out orders.  Great managers clarify potential confusion and impending conflict by asking open-ended questions like; ‘James, when I asked everyone on the team to increase productivity by five percent, what was your reaction?”  Then, let Jim speak.  Don’t assume that you know what his answer will be. 
 
--Passing judgment.  Another key for managers is to be more “other centered” as opposed to being solely “goal” or “self” centered.  Simply put, don’t pass judgment.  Take the time to understand your people and their unique perspectives.  Great managers understand that people have “separate realities,” as the late author Richard Carlson liked to say in his powerful book “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.”  Accept these different perceptions of reality as a fact of workplace life and you’ll reduce your frustration and begin to deal with conflict more effectively.
 
--Playing the “blame game.”  When leaders are too focused on pointing fingers or playing the “blame game” when things go wrong, it becomes a big source of conflict and poor communication.  It’s not easy, but try to become more “solution oriented” the next time something goes wrong.  Fight the urge to point the finger of blame.  I am still working on it.  Blaming causes hard feelings and resentment, and in turn, conflict.  Seek to figure out not only what went wrong, but what needs to go right in order to move forward.  The more your team sees you as a manager who “seeks solutions,” the less conflict you will have and the more risks team members will take. 
 
Finally, take responsibility when things go wrong.  Be accountable, even if you are not 100% convinced that it all falls on you.  Doing this communicates a powerful message to your people that they, too, can and should step up and be accountable.  See mistakes as an opportunity to grow and learn which in turn will help your team experience less conflict and greater success. 
Customer Service: No Detail Too Small
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.
 
Great customer service is largely about effective communication.  There are many dos and don’ts when it comes to gaining the trust and loyalty of your customers and clients.  With that said, consider the following: 
 
Small things matter. Listen to customers when they tell you what they want.  If a customer says they don’t like tomatoes or onions in their salad or they want dressing on the side, give it to them the way they want it.  Did you ever notice that when your meal comes out and it doesn’t match what you asked for, the waiter or waitress will inevitably say, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t write it down” or “I had it written correctly, I guess the kitchen ignored it.”  Don’t ignore it, because small things matter…a lot.
 
Maintain a positive attitude. Your positive attitude will be contagious and will put the customer at ease.  The opposite is also true.  A negative attitude will be picked up right away.  If you don’t feel good about yourself, it is hard to feel good about the people you are helping.
 
Solicit real feedback. Don’t be afraid of a customer expressing concerns or problems they are having with you or your business.  Encourage them.  This is an opportunity to show how much you really care.
 
Make a meaningful connection. The most irritating thing for a customer is when they are made to feel like a number and not a person.  Even if you are efficient when dealing with customers, they need to be recognized as individuals.  (This is particularly challenging for toll collectors, bank tellers and telephone operators who deal with dozens, and sometimes hundreds, of people a day.)
 
Keep it simple. When dealing with customers, talk in an easy to understand, jargon-free fashion that they won’t have to work overtime to comprehend.
 
Empathize. Ask yourself this question—If I were a customer in this situation, how would I want to be treated?
 
Actively listen.  When a customer is angry or disappointed with you or your company, make sure you LISTEN to his or her entire complaint or objection.  Fight the urge to interrupt because you want to “fix” the situation right away.  (Customers want to be fully heard.)
 
Feelings matter a lot in customer service.  Price, location and selection are all important.  However, by far the most important factor that determines what kind of relationship you will have with a customer is how you make him or her feel.
 
Be grateful.  Never underestimate the power of a smile and a “thank you.”
 
Your frame of mind is critical.  If you see your job as simply a way to earn a living, it is going to be extremely difficult to treat customers in a special way.  Customers know when you are going through the motions.
 
Keep your promises.  Excuses for not delivering a product or service as it was promised often fall on deaf ears with customers.  Barring truly extreme situations or emergencies, all promises to customers must be kept.  If they can’t be kept, it is your responsibility to communicate that to the customer, not the customer’s responsibility to find out after the fact.
 
Make it part of your DNA.  Great customer service is not about any campaign or initiative to show that you appreciate customers.  Rather, it is a way of life and an attitude that is built into the way you deal with people on a daily basis.
Impact Over Activity
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
Whether you are a non-profit leader, manufacturing executive or a budding entrepreneur, the challenge of communicating and persuading someone to invest dollars into your venture can be daunting.  When attempting let someone know about you and your organization’s mission, vision and services, there is a difference between communicating about the “activities” of your organization as opposed to your “impact”.  Consider the following insights that clearly distinguish between these two very different communication approaches to getting your message across to an audience with a very limited attention span. 
 
--Communicating about your organization’s “activities” sounds like this; “At our organization we run a variety of programs including…”  The presenter then proceeds to go through a laundry list of programs and initiatives in intricate detail that is often accompanied by a PowerPoint presentation listing those same details.  One problem with this approach is that much of this information is communicated on the organization’s website.  What is the point of using this valuable face-to-face opportunity to present in front of these influential decision-makers and simply telling them the same thing they can find out online?  Communicating your ACTIVITIES has little value to people who are much more interested in the IMPACT you are having on the people you serve. 
 
--Conversely, communicating IMPACT sounds like this; “In the past three years, we have changed the lives of over 2,000 young adults between the ages of 13 and 18 by providing them with after-school mentoring and tutoring.  To date, over ¾ of these teens have gone on to college.  One young man we are particularly proud of is Jim Smith, who recently graduated from Harvard.  Listen to what he said about his time with us...”  Can you hear the difference?  This communication is all about impact and outcomes on people versus programs and activities.  Frankly, people don’t care that much about your activities unless they are connected to outcomes, especially if those outcomes are consistent with their organizational values and interests.
 
--Communicating ACTIVITIES is often very linear and predictable, which is not particularly engaging or interesting.  It’s a familiar pattern.  When you simply list programs and activities, your audience tends to fall into a passive state of listening to the point where they can become disengaged.  You are doing all the talking and the message being sent to them is “just sit there while I tell you all the things we do at our organization.”  That’s why during many of these presentations you often see audience members either distracted using their smart phones or other electronic devices or, worse, having a hard time staying awake. 
 
--Conversely, when using the outcomes approach to presenting, you are often asking rhetorical questions like; “What do you think happens when you take a young teenager from an inner-city who many have ignored and spend time mentoring and coaching him, providing him tangible skills and tools to help him succeed in everyday life?”  As soon as you do that, your audience is engaged and curious.  Thinking.  Then, the presenter can follow up with an answer, once again sharing a relevant example about either a group of young men who have had a positive experience or a particular individual with a compelling story.  The key is to engage your audience, keeping them interested and involved. 
 
As communicators we have a choice.  We can make presentations that focus on our activities or we can talk about the impact we have on others—which would you rather hear? 
Communicating Dissatisfaction without Demotivating
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.
 
Here’s the deal.  You have an employee who has been with your organization for several years.  He has been pretty competent, but recently his performance isn’t up to par.  More specifically, Jim has been late in submitting three out of his last four projects.  Further, he only got them done because you kept pressing him.  You don’t want to get rid of him because it would be too costly to bring a new employee in and start from scratch, but something has to be done. 
 
You want to communicate to Jim that his performance is sub-par, but you don’t want to de-motivate him.   Worse, you don’t want him quitting, because he does have value.  You need to have a “coaching conversation” that is direct but not contentious.  You need to confront the problem without being personally confrontational.  Most importantly, you want to improve Jim’s effectiveness.  Much of this effort will be about what and how you communicate.
 
--Ensure Jim acknowledges the issue.  Get Jim to agree that there is some performance problem that exists.  Try saying; “Jim, are you aware that you have submitted three important projects in the last month well beyond the agreed upon deadline?”  The idea is to not get Jim’s back up against the wall.  Provide “neutral feedback.”  Instead of saying, “Jim, you’ve submitted three projects in the last month that were late.  What’s wrong with you?”, ASK if he is aware so he has the opportunity to respond.  If he says, “yes,” follow up with; “Why is that, Jim?  What exactly is standing in the way of you meeting these deadlines?”  You want to get Jim talking. 
 
--Emphasize the impact Jim’s performance is having on the organization.  “Jim, what impact do you think your missing these deadlines is having on Bob in marketing?”  If he says, “I don’t really know, I haven’t thought about it,” make it clear that there are consequences and that he is an important part of the team.  “Well, Bob really needed your report to put his marketing plan together for the next quarter.  Because he didn’t have it, his plan had lots of holes in it.  He really needs you, Jim, to get the job done right.”  Try to get Jim to say, “Yeah, I see what you’re saying, it is a problem.” 
 
--Ask Jim to identify how he will address the issue.  “Jim, I appreciate you acknowledging the problem, but we need to agree on how we are going to address it.  What are the three most important projects on your plate?”  Let him respond and then ask, “When exactly will you have them completed?” 
 
--Agree on next steps.  Once Jim verbalizes the commitment, establish exactly what the follow-up is going to be.  Don’t wait for Jim to miss the next deadline.  Agree on how he will communicate with you between now and the deadline; “Jim, I’d like you to send me an e-mail by XYZ date and tell me where you are on each project.”  Finally, ask Jim, “What else can I do to help you get the job done?”
 
--Be responsive and show your appreciation.  When Jim sends you the update, acknowledge his efforts.  If Jim’s update communicates a problem, address it immediately.  The goal is to continue to provide immediate direct, candid, yet respectful feedback so you can continue to coach Jim to be an even more valuable member of the team.
Who Moved My Cheese? Great Leaders Embrace Change
By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Great leadership involves many factors, the biggest being how one deals with change.  Change is a funny thing.  We all know intellectually that it is inevitable, but we sometimes resist or fight it as if this were a real option. But the great leaders embrace change. They understand that while it may be scary and unnerving, change also offers opportunities to challenge oneself as well as members of your own team to be more creative, flexible and strategic.
In his classic book, “Who Moved My Cheese?,” the late Dr. Spencer Johnson told a simple but powerful story about four characters in a “maze” who are obsessed with finding “cheese.”  Two of the characters are mice named Sniff and Scurry and two are “little people,” Hem and Haw, who are as small as mice but have a very different approach to finding cheese.  The “cheese” is a metaphor for anything we want or desire in life.  It could be a great job, a terrific company with flowing profits, or the relationship of your dreams.  The “maze,” said Johnson, is “where you look for what you want—the organization you work in or the family or community you live in.” 
 
In business and in life, change is the only constant, yet all four characters in the book see it very differently.  The mice expect it, revel in it and actually figure out how to have fun looking for new cheese as the old cheese disappears.  However, Hem and Haw seem constantly frustrated, resentful and angry.  But the “cheese” they were convinced they earned and owned is no longer where they expected.  Said Johnson, “It would all be so easy if you had a map to the maze.  If the same old routines worked.  If they just stopped moving ‘the cheese,’ but things keep changing.” 
 
And so it is today in the world of business.  Old paradigms no longer apply.  Economics and markets keep changing.  We have new competitors every day and when times are tough, those who “buy from us” want more for less and it is harder than ever before to bring on those prospects sitting on the fence.  The leaders of many organizations as well as individuals refuse to see the handwriting on the wall and just hope that things will get better.  Yet, wishful thinking is no substitute for a strategic plan.  Real leaders not only come up with real solutions and partnerships, but they constantly motivate and inspire team members to get past their fear of change and rise to the challenge. 
 
These leaders also communicate that vision for how the team must deal with the change.  They communicate in a compelling and clear fashion what is needed to survive and grow and who needs to do what on the team.  It is not enough for a leader to simply have the vision, he must find the words and set an example for others to see and follow. 
 
Change isn’t easy.  We all seek stability and predictability.  But today more than ever change keeps hitting us in the face just when we think we can afford to get comfortable.  So stop fighting change.  It is no use and complaining isn’t a viable option. 
 
So, what does the challenge of change have to do with leadership and communication?  Just about everything.  The question is, how are YOU leading your team as well as yourself and facing the constant changes in the “maze” of your life? 
Keys to Engaged Participation in a Virtual Meeting
Steve Adubato, PhD
 
This column has shared tips for leading virtual meetings, but the best leaders also must understand how to be an active and engaged participant in virtual meetings, which does not come naturally to most people. COVID-19 has forced many of us to learn a new mode of communicating virtually using a variety of video platforms.  Consider the following the next time you are participating in a virtual meeting: 
 
·      Make sure everyone can hear you.  Be sure the microphone is close enough to pick up your voice.  Set up your laptop, phone or iPad in a quiet space without a lot of background noise, which can be distracting not only to you, but also to others in the meeting, when it is your time to speak in the meeting. 
 
·      Stay muted.  As soon as you enter a virtual meeting, mute your microphone until it is your time to speak.  This will avoid background noise or activities like typing while people are speaking. 
 
·      Make eye contact.  Look into the camera, not at the screen, while you are talking.  This is not at all natural, as staring into the little green dot near your computer’s camera feels awkward, but it is essential so that participants feel as if you are looking at them.  Conversely, actually looking at participants on your screen while you are talking can cause your eyes to dart around. 
 
·      Hardwire your computer into the internet.  Sure, Zoom will work well via Wi-Fi most of the time, but a hardwire helps to ensure best quality and consistency.  And, if your Wi-Fi isn’t working, get creative and hop on your phone using LTE. 
 
·      Stay centered.  Adjust your camera so you are equally centered on screen.  Right before you enter the meeting, you have the opportunity to see yourself before everyone else sees you, so use that time to adjust the positioning of your computer so that you are centered and looking straight into the camera, rather than up or down. 
 
·      Be polite.  Hold off on eating and multitasking.  Remember, everyone can see you, so choose your actions accordingly.  Also, if you need to step away, say so.  Politely excuse yourself rather than just walking away.
 
·      Don’t fidget.  Tapping your pencil, playing with your hair, looking anywhere but at the screen can all distract other participants.  While you are muted, talking to people in the physical room you are in that are off screen sends the message that you are not truly engaged and in the moment in the virtual meeting.  Keep movement to a minimum. 
 
·      Dress to impress.  If you are home, it is tempting to simply stay in your pajamas or a sweatshirt, but you should treat the meeting as you would an in-person meeting.
 
·      Get involved.  If you are the host, it is your job to engage everyone in the meeting.  Call participants by name to “force” engagement and to get them involved.  If you are a participant, find an opportunity to offer feedback or ask a question. 
 
·      Be on time.  Jump on a few minutes early to ensure the internet connection, video and microphone are working correctly. 
 
·      Get present.  Be present.  Stay present.  Avoid distractions such as checking your text messages or e-mail.  If you have to deal with one of your children or the family dog, just say so and then politely step away. 
 
·      Finally, get engaged and stay engaged.  Force yourself to listen on a deeper level.  Remote communication at this level is very different than being face to face in a meeting.  It requires a deeper level of concentration.
Leadership is Not A Popularity Contest
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.
 
We all want to be liked and have a lot of friends.  Yet, when it comes to real leadership, the kind that moves organizations forward when faced with difficult challenges and obstacles, the desire to be popular and overly friendly can get in the way.
 
If you are a manager, supervisor or CEO, there are countless situations where you must make decisions that will make some people uncomfortable.  In fact, if you are really doing your job, there are times when people are going to be downright angry with you.  Of course, being social, relaxed, humorous and yes, friendly, are important aspects of being a good team player in the workplace.  Yet, the problem arises when people in leadership positions at all levels of an organization confuse the workplace with the rest of their lives. 
 
Consider the expression, “If you want to be liked, get a dog.”  Sure, it’s a bit extreme, but there is something to that way of thinking.  Consider how difficult it would be to assertively challenge or reprimand a colleague whom you consider a friend.  Further, with conflicts that arise every day in our professional lives, a real leader must make tough decisions.
 
With that said, following are some tips for remaining focused on your responsibilities as a leader without getting caught up in a popularity contest:
 
--Don’t be afraid to make tough decisions.  In fact, you should go out of your way to seek opportunities to make tough decisions so it’s clear to everyone in the organization that it is more important for you to be a leader than to be universally well liked.  If budgets need to be cut, make a conscious decision to use productivity and effectiveness as the measuring stick instead of the personal relationships.
 
--Set a goal and work backward from there.  If you want to meet a specific deadline on a certain project, for example, press employees to keep their eye on the ball until that goal is reached.  Limit the water cooler banter while working on the project and when the job is done, reward employees with some time for celebration. 
 
--Keep socializing to specific situations.  These situations could include lunch or after work, or, in a COVID-19 world, virtual cocktail hours or remote pizza parties.  Making the workplace into a prime social gathering place could encourage laid back attitudes and blur the lines of work and play.  Inviting your employees to be social with you only at certain times sends a message that it’s okay to chat and be friendly with the boss, but once you get into your work area, it’s time to get down to business.

--Don’t hold back.  When it comes time to review an employee, use that time to be honest and constructive in your criticism.  To not do so is cheating the employee and the organization.  You may have a longstanding relationship, but the employee needs to know that your ultimate concern is with his or her performance and the team’s success.
 
--Don’t try to be a stand-up comic.  There is a fine line between being funny and being crude and obnoxious.  Use caution when joking with employees.  It is up to you as the leader to maintain a level of professionalism within the organization without being a stiff.  Your employees will look to you to set the bar in terms of what is, and what is not, acceptable when it comes to humor in your workplace. 
 
Simply put, if you are uncomfortable occasionally making your teammates in the workplace uncomfortable, rethink whether you really want to step up and lead.
Barriers to Effective Listening
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.
 
For every leader, the benefits of becoming a better listener are considerable.  Effective listening improves the quality of our relationships, encourages people to be more open with us and allows us to be open to new ideas and ways of doing things.  But the fact is, listening is really hard work.  And even those of us who consciously work to improve our listening skills often fall short. 
 
So, what makes listening so difficult?  First, we have developed some bad habits. Consider growing up in a family where dinnertime was filled with spirited, sometimes contentious, discussions and debates.  You may have learned to talk and express your opinions without taking into consideration that you may be talking over others in your family.  In most situations, the one who talked the loudest and most persuasively was in control.  What you probably didn’t learn was how to listen to another point of view. The fact is, many bad listening habits are picked up in the home.
 
But beyond developing bad listening habits, there are barriers that make truly effective listening so challenging.  They can be psychological, environmental, personal or physical (i.e., hunger or fatigue).  Consider some of the following barriers to listening that stand in the way of us really being in sync with someone: 
 
Self-absorption.  We are intrinsically self-oriented.  The truth is, even the most altruistic people, at some level, are more interested in themselves than other people.  We like our own opinion, our own words, and the sound of our own voice more than we do someone else’s.  This is not necessarily wrong; it’s just something we have to be aware of as it gets in the way of us being a great listener. 
 
Distractions.  Whether mental, physical or environmental, distractions are a barrier to effective listening.  If there are multiple conversations going on around you or if you are in a loud restaurant for example, you need to work even harder to focus in on the person’s voice and tune out the other noise.  Add to that a headache or other physical or mental stressor, and important words will fall on deaf ears.  The great listeners recognize these distractions and make a conscious effort to tune them out. 
 
Impatience.  Most of us are extremely impatient and we have a limited attention span.  Think about how we watch TV these days, at the ready with the remote control.  If a program doesn’t catch our interest in a few seconds—‘ZAP’—on to the next station.  The problem comes when this mentality plays itself out in our communication with others.  If someone isn’t saying something that compels us in a very powerful way—‘ZAP!’—we’re on to another station or have gone off in our mind to another place.  This barrier is also compounded by social media, where everything is in smaller, digestible, 15-30 second pieces.  Anything longer and our need for something more stimulating takes over. 
 
Apathy.  If you think you’re not interested in what a person has to say, you’re not going to be able to listen intently.  If you feel the subject matter doesn’t pertain to you, isn’t going to help you, or is something you’ve heard a million times before, you create a mindset that won’t let the speaker’s words touch you.  “Been there, done that” is how a lot of people feel and it is also a major barrier to fully concentrating and truly listening. 
 
Inner voice.  The things we say to ourselves while someone else is speaking can get in the way of really listening.  Your inner voice may be saying, “Will she ever stop talking?”  Or, “This is such old news; I’m wasting my time.” Or, worse, you completely zone out and are working on your mental “to do” list of anything else you believe you should be doing except being present in this conversation.  You can’t possibly hear what’s being said when you’re talking to yourself.
 
What do you think is the biggest barrier to you being a better listener?
Write to me at [email protected] so we can learn together.

Keys to Effective Delegation

Steve Adubato, PhD

One of the greatest challenges many leaders face is that they take on too many tasks and responsibilities, thinking that if they want something done right, they have to do it themselves.  When this happens, a leader can get overwhelmed and become unable to think strategically about what is important for their team and the organization as a whole.  An essential leadership trait is the ability to identify high-potential leaders on your team and then delegate specific tasks to them, which will allow team members to step up and provide value to the organization.  Following are some best practices when it comes to effective delegation: 

 

See the “Big Picture”.  Delegation is a must if a leader wants to see the forest from the trees.  Communicating that you need an extra set of hands can be a huge challenge for many professionals, particularly those who see themselves as perfectionists—able to handle everything on their plate, no matter how big that plate gets.  The best leaders, however, take a step back, analyze the situation and ask for help when it is best for them and their team. 

 

Let Go of Your Fear.  One of the biggest reasons many professionals find it hard to delegate is the fear of losing control.  The fear that others may not do the job exactly the way they would do it.  Or, they fear they may not bet credit or may be outshone by a colleague.  While fear is a natural human reaction, the most effective leaders have faith in their people and, in turn, have faith in themselves.

 

Avoid Micromanaging. Once you delegate a specific task or project, don’t hover.  There is a fine line between a leader paying attention to important details and micromanaging an operation to the point where they drive their people crazy. 

 

If You Do Micromanage…Make Sure it is Strategic.  Sometimes when delegating a task or assignment, things go off track and you must step in and right the ship.  You can’t do it on a regular basis, but you shouldn’t be afraid to do it because the stakes are high and you are providing clear direction.  Getting “into the weeds” sometimes is the right thing to do. 

 

When Delegating Be Specific About Deadlines and Expectations.  Never assume that you are “on the same page” with the person you are delegating to.  Get agreement on the deliverable and the date a project is due so your expectations are clear.    

 

Be a Coach and Mentor.  Provide constructive and very specific feedback at designated times throughout a project.  Ensure that you create an environment where both giving and receiving feedback is not only expected, but is accepted and rewarded. 

 

When Delegating, Don’t Undo.  Once authority is given, it should rarely if ever be taken back.  A great leader embraces a philosophy of building and maintaining trust.  When responsibilities are delegated and then taken away, relationships are strained.  The reputation of the leader has been damaged and his ability to delegate in the future seriously hurt. 

 

P.S.  If you must undo what you have delegated, a real leader steps up and communicates personally and directly.  Do not delegate the job of delivering the bad news to someone else.  Do not communicate via e-mail or a phone call.  That is taking the easy way out.  Being a coward on top of being a poor delegator is a terrible leadership combination.

-

Leading a Remote Meeting

Steve Adubato, PhD


There are a variety of tools and platforms available to stay connected with your team, even when working remotely.  Prior to COVID-19, many of us relied on e-mail, phone, text and face-to-face meetings as part of our daily routine. Now, video conferencing tools such as Zoom, Blue Jeans, Skype and Google Meet have become the norm. 

Consider the following best practices when preparing to host or facilitate a meeting via video:

·      Test the equipment.  Test your computer or smart phone audio and video prior to hosting the meeting, and know how to share your screen.  Do a “dry run” with a few colleagues to make sure you and all participants can be seen and heard easily. 

·      Know where the camera is.  Practice talking into the camera, realizing that when you do this effectively, you are making a more direct connection with meeting participants as opposed to looking at them on the computer screen. 

 ·      Location.  Set up your computer in an area without a lot of clutter behind you that could distract the viewer and take away from you and your message.  Be sure you are in a quiet space, without background noise or other distractions.

·      Lighting.  Select a space with adequate natural or artificial light coming from in front of you or from the side.  A dimly lit setting will yield grainy and low-quality video, whereas too much lighting can make you look washed out.

 ·      Security.  Whether you are using video or conference call tools, be sure to secure your meeting with a password to prevent unwanted guests.

EXECUTING THE CALL OR VIDEO MEETING

·      Roll Call.  If you are on a conference call without video, be sure to do a roll call at the beginning to identify who is on the line.  Let the participants know that before they speak, they should introduce themselves so that the group knows who is speaking. 

·      Use video for meetings with 10 people or less.  Seeing people matters.  It encourages more engagement and frankly helps people feel more present when they are seen as well as heard.  

·      Conclude all remote meetings / calls with a clear “action plan.” This requires assigning specific tasks to specific people with clear deadlines.  Don’t assume that people know what action is required because it was discussed in a call or meeting.  Agree on who will send an e-mail with a summary of the meeting, including these action items and deadlines and who is doing what.

Leading a Remote Meeting

Steve Adubato, PhD


There are a variety of tools and platforms available to stay connected with your team, even when working remotely.  Prior to COVID-19, many of us relied on e-mail, phone, text and face-to-face meetings as part of our daily routine. Now, video conferencing tools such as Zoom, Blue Jeans, Skype and Google Meet have become the norm. 

Consider the following best practices when preparing to host or facilitate a meeting via video:

·      Test the equipment.  Test your computer or smart phone audio and video prior to hosting the meeting, and know how to share your screen.  Do a “dry run” with a few colleagues to make sure you and all participants can be seen and heard easily. 

·      Know where the camera is.  Practice talking into the camera, realizing that when you do this effectively, you are making a more direct connection with meeting participants as opposed to looking at them on the computer screen. 

 ·      Location.  Set up your computer in an area without a lot of clutter behind you that could distract the viewer and take away from you and your message.  Be sure you are in a quiet space, without background noise or other distractions.

·      Lighting.  Select a space with adequate natural or artificial light coming from in front of you or from the side.  A dimly lit setting will yield grainy and low-quality video, whereas too much lighting can make you look washed out.

 ·      Security.  Whether you are using video or conference call tools, be sure to secure your meeting with a password to prevent unwanted guests.

EXECUTING THE CALL OR VIDEO MEETING

·      Roll Call.  If you are on a conference call without video, be sure to do a roll call at the beginning to identify who is on the line.  Let the participants know that before they speak, they should introduce themselves so that the group knows who is speaking. 

·      Use video for meetings with 10 people or less.  Seeing people matters.  It encourages more engagement and frankly helps people feel more present when they are seen as well as heard.  

·      Conclude all remote meetings / calls with a clear “action plan.” This requires assigning specific tasks to specific people with clear deadlines.  Don’t assume that people know what action is required because it was discussed in a call or meeting.  Agree on who will send an e-mail with a summary of the meeting, including these action items and deadlines and who is doing what.

Leading in a Pandemic

By Steve Adubato, PhD

Like everyone else in the COVID-19 nightmare we are living, I am deeply concerned, feeling anxious,

and worried about my family and those closest to me and not sure how to manage and deal with this

terrible pandemic and everything connected to it. I have been teaching, coaching, writing about and most

of all thinking about leadership and communication for a solid two decades. I have written 5 books on

these subjects, and I can fill another book with everything I either don’t know or am uncertain about in

terms of how best to lead and communicate in really difficult, challenging and uncertain times. That’s

why I wanted to write this column.

The one thing I have come to understand is that whether it is COVID-19 or any other “crisis” that shakes

us to our core—one of the most important things we can do is be useful and helpful to others. It’s not

that the greatest leaders aren’t scared. They are. It is that they don’t let that fear and anxiety paralyze

them.

It seems to me that the most effective leaders are the ones who understand and acknowledge their anxiety

and insecurities in the midst of a crisis like this—but also know that they have a larger responsibility to

the people they serve. The best leaders in a serious crisis need to be a better version of themselves and

reach deep inside to do the kinds of things that give others direction, a sense of hope and, most of all,

create a level of trust—because that is at the core of leadership and how we communicate. With this in

mind, consider the following:

--When communicating in any public forum, leaders must be truthful and candid. This is easier said than

done, because many leaders, in the effort to give people “hope”, sugar coat how serious things really are

or make statements that can’t be backed up by facts, science or reality. Giving false hope and

communicating misinformation is one of the worst things any leader can do in a crisis or pandemic like

we are currently facing.

--Be concise. Don’t drone on. Don’t pontificate. I like to say “stay within the goalposts” when

communicating. That means, identify what key points and messages a leader needs to communicate and

put them “inside the goalposts”. Everything outside that goalposts is dangerous and risky. So what is

outside the goalposts? Blaming others. Pointing fingers. Name calling. Making statements you can’t

back up. And, frankly, letting your emotions and fear get the best of you. The greatest leaders in a crisis

are disciplined and practice self-control, because when a leader communicates that he or she is “out of

control”, what impact do you think it has on everyone else?

--The greatest leaders step aside and let others who are more knowledgeable in a particular subject area

step up and speak out. The best leaders are not the ones who “talk the most” in a public forum or press

conference. It seems to me NY Governor Andrew Cuomo and NJ Governor Phil Murphy get this part

right. Yes, they are talking a lot, but they are also deferring and “handing the ball off” to other experts

(Particularly about public health.) who can speak with authority and experience on a particular topic.

After 9/11, it struck me that then NY City Mayor Rudy Giuliani did this. Great leaders are “facilitators”

in public settings, allowing others to fill in the blanks and respond to difficult and specific questions.

They are not the people who are supposed to know the most…about everything.

--The best leaders are also the ones who when they do say something that is either incorrect or needs

clarification, has the self-confidence and level of maturity to allow a subject area expert to correct or

clarify something that is said in public—without any retribution or negative consequences.

--Leaders should never lose their cool. When asked a difficult or challenging question by a reporter or

key stakeholder in a public forum, there is no excuse for a leader to attack the questioner. The best

leaders understand that attacking the questioner as well as the question itself actually communicates a

lack of confidence, because the leader clearly doesn’t want to and can’t answer the question. If the

answer is “I don’t know,” or, “We should have handled that better,” just say so. It doesn’t help anyone to

express anger or personal animus toward someone simply asking a tough question. Leaders are supposed

to respond with confidence, clarity and a sense of “I’ve got this”, as opposed to “how dare you ask me

that question in public”, particularly when the question relates to the crisis at hand.

--Great leaders acknowledge and empathize with the pain and struggle people are experiencing in a

public health crisis. Simply stating “here are the rules—obey them”, won’t get things done. The best

leaders understand that social distancing and “staying in your house” is unnatural, not easy and incredibly

difficult for parents to explain not just to themselves, but to teenagers and children. I appreciate and

respect leaders who acknowledge that and say so publicly. So, on one hand, leaders should communicate

accurate facts, statistics and information as well as “the rules” we must abide by, but if that is all a leader

does in public, why not just send a mass e-mail?

--The best leaders communicate in a human and compassionate fashion. In the case of the COVID-19,

they get that beyond the numbers of those infected and worse, those who have died, that those numbers

represent real people and families. I’m not saying that being a great leader and communicator in a

horrific pandemic is easy, it’s not. Trust me, I struggle every day with it, and I only run a small

production company as well as teach, coach and write about these topics. However, I have been spending

a lot of time reading about presidential leadership in war time in an effort to put things in perspective.

And whether it is Lincoln, Roosevelt or LBJ, it is clear that they had their doubts and fears, but the

greatest leaders have one common and consistent trait, which is that they manage and deal with these

inner fears and demons because they understand that their greatest responsibility is to help others get

through the most challenging of times.

--Stay connected with your team and key stakeholders. Whether it is your employees, board of trustees,

community or other people in your orbit, the best leaders create opportunities to connect with their team

and to be present, if not in person, then remotely. Technology offers a great opportunity to remain

connected and in touch with others who are undoubtedly worried about their family, career, friends,

401K and health. Remaining connected with your key stakeholders with regular and consistent updates,

as well as asking what they may want or need, is critically important for every leader. These open lines

of communication reinforce trust and help ease some of the anxiety and fear they may feel during these

very uncertain and scary times.

As always, e-mail your feedback to [email protected]. On behalf of my colleague Mary Gamba

and everyone on the Lessons in Leadership team: STAY SAFE. STAY HOME. BE WELL.

 

08/01/2019

Making Goals that Work

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

:

Marjorie A. Perry, President & CEO, MZM Construction & Management, describes the importance of building great teams to enable leaders to focus on their mission and goals.

People often confuse being busy with being productive. One of the reasons professionals spin their wheels without moving forward is that they don't set realistic and relevant goals.  People engage in a series of activities that cause them to work long hours. Yet, after six months or a year, what has been accomplished? Activities or a “to do” list might look like this; Answer all my e-mail by the end of the day.  Or, meet with my staff once a week. 

 

However, goals are very different.  As a leader, consider some ground rules when establishing goals for yourself or your team:

--Make sure you believe in the goal.  Don't just go through the motions.  If you don't buy in to the goal, how can you communicate it to your team members with conviction?  How can you have the passion and persistence necessary to get through the tough times and obstacles that are sure to come?

--Connect your goal to a larger strategic game plan. Team members must understand why they are working toward this particular goal and how it connects to the "bigger picture."  If not, they won't take it seriously and neither will you.

--Limit the number of goals you set.  Too often we create a laundry list of goals that could never realistically be accomplished.  We confuse quantity with quality.  Setting the bar high is one thing, engaging in fantasy is another.  The more realistic the goal, the greater the odds of achieving it.

--State your goal in a concise and straightforward fashion.  Do it in understandable, everyday English--not jargon-filled, flowery bureaucratic lingo.  No one will be impressed, in fact quite the opposite.

--Be very specific in the results you seek and the time frame you are looking at.  Six months or a year from now, how close will you be to meeting your goal?  Make sure progress can be measured by credible qualitative or quantitative performance standards.  Use surveys, statistics and other feedback mechanisms.

 

--Be firm but flexible.  Yes, you are committed to achieving the goal, but you must adapt to circumstances and changes and possibly revise original goals. 

--Goals should be action-oriented with verbs that describe what you seek to accomplish. Consider these examples of goals and adapt them to your team;

 

  • Create and implement a new marketing plan in the next 30 days that will bring in $500,000 in new revenue over the next 12 months.

 

  • Establish an “Employee of the Week” program that recognizes your most productive people and in turn improves employee satisfaction scores by 15 percent over the next six months.

 

  • Develop and implement a quality customer service initiative that improves customer satisfaction scores by 10 percent and brings in 5 percent more revenue over the next year.

 

  • Clearly communicate your goals to the team on a consistent basis. Don’t assume because they are written in an e-mail or highlighted in a PowerPoint presentation that everyone is on board.  Talk to your people about the goals and get their reaction and feedback.  Identify potential obstacles and challenges to accomplishing the goal and revise if necessary.  The key to remember is that you are a team.  These are the team’s goals, not simply the boss’s goals. 

 

  • Finally, make sure at the end of the period of time that performance in connection to these goals is reviewed and new goals are established accordingly.

 See past Lessons in Leadership Articles here!

07/03/2019

E-mail Communication for Leaders

Steve Adubato 

 

When it comes to being a strategic leader, the ability to communicate effectively is essential.  However, one factor that is often overlooked is that “how” you communicate matters as well.  Just one of the modes we use to communicate with others, now more than ever, is through e-mail.  However, if not used correctly, your ability to lead and persuade others can be negatively impacted.  With that said, consider some of the following pitfalls to avoid when sending e-mail: 

 

--E-mail sent in all capitals.  Some people use all caps because it is easier than typing uppercase and lowercase (me included).  However, this type of e-mail is very hard to read.  Eyes are just not trained to read all caps.  Use proper capitalization to make it easier to read and to show that you care enough to take the time to do it right.

 

--E-mail sent in all lowercase.  This probably goes without saying, but all lowercase is even harder to read than all caps since you cannot tell where one word or sentence begins and another ends.  Also, punctuation marks such as periods and commas are commonly lost in between lowercase letters making reading this type of e-mail even more difficult. 

 

--Multiple recipients.  Have you ever received e-mail from someone that has been sent to 20 or more people?  Sometimes mass e-mails have their purpose.  They quickly communicate a message to lots of people in quick and inexpensive fashion.  But most often they are a red flag that the messages within the e-mail (but worst yet that you) are not important and/or the e-mail is simply a form letter.  I don’t know about you, but as soon as I see that I’m on a long list of recipients, I quickly delete the e-mail.  The key here is to keep your e-mail as personal as possible and only send out a mass e-mail when you have to. 

 

--Spam.  There is a fine line between what is and what is not spam.  I define spam as any e-mail that wastes my time opening it.  This could include advertisements, hawking the smallest camera in the world or friends or co-workers sending jokes or chain letters.  No one wants to waste time sifting through spam to get to the important stuff.  Give your team a break and don’t send spam.  In addition, with rare exceptions, avoid telling jokes by e-mail.  They often get lost in the translation.

 

--Spelling errors.  Using the spell check feature seems so simple.  Yet, I cannot tell you how many e-mails I receive from top level executives that have numerous spelling errors.  While spell check will overlook an incorrectly typed word that may still be a word, there is no excuse for e-mails that are loaded with typos.  A simple rule, after using spell check, read your e-mail one last time before sending it out. 

 

--Slang.  When a person is reading e-mail, they do not have the advantage of hearing vocal dynamics.  For example, a phrase like, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” can be taken lightly as a way of expressing surprise or more seriously as a way of showing aggravation.  Without tone of voice to help the receiver better understand your meaning, you may be sending a completely wrong or unintended message.

 

Write to me at [email protected] with some things you hate (or love) about e-mail. 

 

 See past Lessons in Leadership Articles here!

06/10/2019

Communicating an Apology: 101

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

 Harry Pozycki, Founder & Chairman of The Citizens Campaign, shares his most significant leadership lesson about blame, communication and focusing on the issues.

Apologies are a funny thing.  Some are accepted and some aren’t.  Certain apologies are accepted by some, and not others.  For leaders and managers of all stripes, knowing when and how to communicate a prompt and sincere apology is one of the keys to earning the respect of those around you.

 

Think about it.  In business, we all have so much on our plate.  There are countless meetings where we may need to present important information.  There are dozens if not hundreds of e-mails that go out every day to update key stakeholders on specific projects and initiatives, not to mention juggling all of this while still coaching, mentoring and leading your team. 

 

With this great volume of activity, there is bound to be a mistake made at some point.  It is unavoidable.  However, as a leader, what we do when we make a mistake is what will ultimately determine how we are received and perceived by others. 

 

With that said, consider some of the dos and don’ts when it comes to apologizing: 

 

  • Apologize quickly.  If it takes longer than 24 hours—especially in a high-profile  or very public situation—people become suspect.  When you do apologize, do it willingly in a proactive fashion, instead of waiting to have your back against the wall and after testing the public reaction to the situation.

 

  • When apologizing, give specifics.  What exactly are you apologizing for?  Lawyers often tell their clients to be vague and general when apologizing.  And if there is more than one thing to apologize for, they recommend apologizing for the least embarrassing mistake.  Yet, communication experts know that apologies must be specific to be accepted.  When using vague generalities in an apology, most audiences don’t buy it, because they are not convinced you are really acknowledging what exactly you did wrong. 

 

  • When apologizing, talk directly about what you are going to do to fix the situation, if possible.  Just saying you are going to “fix it” isn’t enough.  How are you going to fix it?  How are you going to measure whether the same mistake is made again?  It is easy to say, “I’m sorry.  This isn’t going to happen again.”  It is a lot harder to say, “I take responsibility and apologize for X and am going to do XYZ to make sure it never happens again.”

 

  • Apologize face-to-face.  Do not rely on e-mail or an organization-wide memo sent to employees to express your apology.  That is the easy way out and sends the message that you are afraid to confront the situation head on.  We all make mistakes, so when you do, apologize in person, face-to-face, and be willing and open to receive feedback and answer any questions from those in your audience.  Doing so sends the message that you truly care about how your mistake impacted them and that you are interested in hearing their perspective. 

 

  • Apologies must pass the credibility test.  Sometimes, no matter how sincere you can be when apologizing, if your offense or mistake is so egregious, it is going to fall on deaf ears.  That is not to say that you can’t rebound from such a situation, however, it means you will have to go the extra mile in terms of your apology as well as the actions you take after you apologize to show that you are willing to put in the time and effort to make things right. 

 

  • Move on.  In most situations, if you apologize keeping the above tips and tools in mind, your apology will be accepted and everyone can move on with the work at hand.  However, if you feel you have done everything in your power to truly apologize and for reasons outside your control your apology is not accepted, you need to let it go and move on.  Overthinking or carrying the extra weight of the unaccepted apology could cause you to lose focus, thereby increasing the potential of future mistakes, and nothing good will come of that. 

 

05/09/2019

How to Conduct a Public Briefing

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

 James Novotny, Supervisor, Technology, Design & Engineering Department at Livingston High School, says getting real and relevant with your audience is a key to leadership.

As a leader, you may be asked to hold a public briefing or meeting to inform a particular audience about some important matter.  Whether you are the CEO talking to employees, a school superintendent or a principal speaking with parents, or any professional who must conduct a public briefing, consider the following tips;

 

  • Introduce yourself. Then, introduce those who are part of your support team who may be answering specific questions as specialists or experts in a given area.  Don’t assume people know who these people are.  Establish their credentials right from the beginning. 

 

  • Deliver a brief statement, which should also be available in print. This statement should identify your main message and a brief description of the key points you want to communicate.  I emphasize the words “brief” and “key” because you must be disciplined in how much information you communicate.  People want and need only so much information.  The more points you try to make, the less likely you most important points will resonate with your audience. 

 

  • Establish the ground rules for how and when questions can be asked. Don’t allow your audience, no matter how revved up they might be, to take control of the event.  The key is for your organization to be in control and ensure that things remain calm and focused.  The best thing to say is, “I’m looking forward to your questions, I only ask that you present them one at a time.  That requires each of us to be courteous of others.  I assure you I will answer every question, if you give me the opportunity.”

 

  • Don’t talk over a questioner. It’s rude and only raises people’s frustration level.  Allow each person to get his or her full question out.  Further, acknowledge the question and the questioner.  Make sure that after you have responded the questioner understands your response, even if he or she doesn’t agree.  Get in the habit of asking, “Have I answered your question fully?”  People appreciate that. 

 

  • Clearly define the role of each person on the briefing team. For example, when a mayor holds a press conference, a police commissioner will handle police matters, while the health commissioner handles specific health issues.  The key is for each team member to know what they are expected to address and not step on the toes of their colleagues.  If there is any confusion, the lead person conducting the briefing should take control and clarify things. 

 

  • Don’t argue or debate with questioners unless you see no other option. The purpose of this briefing is not to win an argument, but rather to share information and instill a sense of confidence that things are under control. 

 

  • Be present. Even when you’re not speaking, each member of the briefing team should remain alert, aware and listen to what is being said.  Avoid being distracted or looking all over while another team member is speaking.  You are a team and you need to look and act like a team.

 

  • Have one messenger. That person must be an exceptional public communicator who is confident he or she can deal with any situation that arises.  This person must not resent conducting the briefing, but rather appreciate the opportunity to share valuable information and ease people’s anxiety or clear any confusion. 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

 

4/16/19

Saying "No" Requires Excellent Communication

Steve Adubato, PhD

 

Video: Armando Fontoura, Essex County Sheriff, says being honest with people is a lesson he's learned about leadership.

Saying "no" or rejecting someone's idea, proposal or advice seems simple enough, but for many leaders and professionals, effectively communicating what seems to be a simple "no" can be complicated.  With this in mind, consider the following tips on being clear on saying "no" while minimizing the fallout. 

 --Remain positive.  Sometimes people say "no" with a negative attitude that sends the message that you simply don't care.  Unless that is your intent, don't do it.  Remember, you can disagree without being disagreeable.  You can say “no” and still have some empathy and compassion. 

 --Share your reasoning.  Some people think when they say “no” they have no responsibility to explain themselves.  Rarely is this the case, particularly when you are dealing with people you DO care about regarding an important business or personal matter.  As parents, when our children ask us why the answer is "no," we often say, "Because I said so."  You may get away with this approach with kids, but as a leader or manager it is not going to work.  Your "no" should sound something like; "Mary, your proposal to redesign the office has merit.  But after considering the cost, the timing isn't right.  But I appreciate your effort."  Remember, you are saying "no" to the idea, not to the person 

--A “no” doesn't always have to be communicated right on the spot.  There is nothing wrong with saying, "Joe, you've given me a lot to think about.  That's exactly what I am going to do, and we will talk tomorrow."  Buying time to think through an issue is fine, but don't use this approach to procrastinate and avoid making a tough decision.  Sooner or later you are going to have to respond and the fear of saying "no" shouldn't get in the way of you being the leader you are expected to be.

 --Be respectful and remain calm no matter how many times the request is made.  This is especially important if someone isn’t listening when you are saying “no” or if he or she brings up other points to make his or her case.  If any of these efforts are compelling enough to have you change your mind, then do it.  However, if your answer is still "no," just use the "broken record" approach; "Jim, I appreciate what you are saying, but rearranging my schedule to attend your event isn't going to work."

 --Remain open minded.  When saying "no" you should consider if there are alternatives that haven't been put on the table; "I'm not able to sign on right now, but I can recommend a colleague who might be able to help you." Or, "I can't meet with you on the 17th, but if there is any way you can do it the day before, we could work something out."  The point is "no" doesn't always have to be an unequivocal "no," particularly when dealing with someone you want to continue a positive line of communication with. 

 --Don’t take the easy way out.  While e-mail, leaving telephone messages and other electronic communication mediums may be the EASIEST way to say "no," sometimes the most effective and respectful approach is to say "no" in person.  The other party may still be disappointed but is likely to appreciate the personal touch. 

 --“No” sometimes has to mean “no.”  Make sure you leave no confusion as to what your intent really is.  The worst thing that could happen is to have someone walk away from a conversation thinking there is still a chance you might say "yes" when in your mind it is just not going to happen.  Saying "no" doesn't make you a bad person.

 E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

03/11/2019

 

The Art of Negotiation

Steve Adubato, PhD

We all negotiate. We negotiate just about everything. Being a good negotiator is about being a first-rate communicator and empathetic leader. It doesn't simply mean being a good public speaker, but a thoughtful, sensitive and aware communicator and leader who understands and respects other people and the complexity of the process.  Consider some of the following keys to becoming an effective negotiator: 

 

Be an active listener.  The best negotiators are usually the best listeners. They are fast on their feet. They are good at not putting other people on the defensive.  They use active listening techniques such as nodding, leaning in, paraphrasing and asking thoughtful, probing, open-ended questions to seek clarification on what they have just heard. 

 

Focus on the issue.  One of the first rules of successful negotiation is to focus on the problem at hand rather than the personalities of the people involved. In their best-selling book "Getting to Yes," Roger Fisher and William Ury state, "The parties' relationship tends to become entangled with their discussions of substance." The authors argue that people often make unfounded inferences, which they then treat as facts about that person's intentions and attitudes toward them. Motives are constantly being questioned. 

 

Avoid pre-judgment.  When we focus on our perception of THE PEOPLE and not THE PROBLEM at hand, there is a good chance that miscommunication will take place. Misunderstanding reinforces pre-judgment and leads to reactions that produce counter reactions. It's a vicious circle. I know. I've been there. I hate to admit it, but in some cases, I'm still there with some people.   While this type of unhealthy communication can occur in any negotiation, it is particularly prevalent among people with long and complicated histories: employer and employee, husband and wife (or ex-husband and ex-wife), landlord and tenant, parent and a grown up (and angry) child. 

 

Try paraphrasing.  It is essential not to react viscerally when someone says something in a negotiation that you find particularly offensive. A more effective approach is to employ such active listening and communication techniques as paraphrasing or synthesizing the other person's comments. If someone proposes something particularly "off the wall," you could say; "I might be wrong, but it seems as if you're saying you want me to pay you three times more than fair market value for (a particular product or service). Is that right?" The idea here is to communicate to the other person that his proposal is out of whack by any reasonable standard. Your goal is to put a mirror in front of him so he can hopefully see his position in a more objective light.

 

Depersonalize the situation.  If paraphrasing isn’t working, another approach is to say, "When you ask for three times more than fair market value, I don't feel my position is being respected." This is different than telling someone that he, personally, and not his proposal, has no respect for you. By depersonalizing your response, you minimize the chance that the other person will get defensive. Defensive people are impossible to negotiate with.

 

Bottom line? Being a successful negotiator takes practice, persistence, and patience. It requires that you listen to and empathize with the other person - no matter how much you may dislike him or her or his or her proposal, ideas or behavior. It takes the ability to separate the problem from the person and the maturity and confidence to admit mistakes.  All of these are traits of an exceptional leader. 

 

 E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

02/12/2019

Take The Leadership Test

Steve Adubato, PhD

When asked, most folks say that they consider themselves leaders of one sort or another.  But leadership is not an absolute thing. It is not black and white. Some days we are better leaders than others. In fact, we demonstrate superior leadership on one specific task and a short time later we fall on our face when up against another. Leadership is relative, and the really great leaders are constantly engaged in self-examination and finding ways to get better. With this in mind, consider the following questions that will help you measure your individual leadership ability.  Don’t just answer yes or no, instead, use the following scoring system; 4 is ‘always’, 3 is ‘most of the time’, 2 is ‘rarely’ and 1 is ‘never.’ --I give honest feedback to my workplace colleagues, whether I like them personally or not, because it is in the best interest of our team. --I am open to feedback and constructive criticism from others at work regarding my performance and behavior, even if I am not enamored by the source. --I take risks and propose new and innovative ideas in meetings when our team seems stuck on a particular issue or challenge. Simply put—I speak up when my team needs me. --I step up and take responsibility for my actions when things go wrong and mistakes are made that I’ve played some part in. --I seek to identify others who deserve credit when things go right, even slightly over-stating their contribution because I know how important it is that professionals feel they are making a contribution. In the process, I even understate my role, because drawing attention to myself may not necessarily help the team. --I give clear, concise direction as to what needs to be done and why. I state our goal as well as the consequences for failure in ways that leave little doubt as to what the real picture is. --I seek to monitor and coach colleagues and team members because I see their professional development and improvement as critical to our workplace’s overall success.

 

--I ask probing, open-ended questions, facilitate engaging and goal-oriented meetings and initiate change that is needed to motivate others to get on board. 

--I stay calm in a crisis, even if there is a strong part of me that does feel anxious, nervous, uncomfortable or even angry. I understand that how I react to this type of situation communicates a powerful message to those around me as to how all of us should act when things don’t go exactly as planned. --I possess the “strategic agility” to adapt, revise and change my message, and possibly the mode and timing of my communication, based on having a keen understanding of key stakeholders and important internal and external variables.

There are ten questions, therefore, 40 is the highest score you can get. That would mean that you are a nearly perfect leader, which no one is. What did you score?

 

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

01/09/2019

Training the Trainers

Steve Adubato, PhD

 Brigadier General Alberto C. Rosende, Commander, Atlantic Division 75th Training Command shares his advice about motivating and training the people you lead.

Many leaders are expected to facilitate internal workshops or training seminars.  Accountants lead seminars about new tax laws; lawyers for new courtroom procedures; or doctors regarding the latest clinical findings and its implications for patient care.  Only one catch—knowing a subject extremely well is only part of the communication equation when it comes to leading a workshop.  Knowing something doesn’t mean you can communicate it.  If you are a leader or manager who is tasked with training others to train, consider these tips. 

 

--The only way to train people to train is to get them to actually do it.  To truly learn how to do most things in life, the key is to get up, do it, make mistakes, get feedback and try it again.  Even if you have never led a seminar before, take it a piece at a time. 

 

--Break down the seminar into manageable pieces.  If you are trying to teach about the importance of asking seminar participants open-ended questions (“Bob, why is that?”) as opposed to closed-ended questions (“Do you agree?”), have the seminar participant get up and talk about a topic and engage the group by using open-ended questions.  Have the participant practice asking the question (using a participant’s name) then truly listening and following up either by paraphrasing, asking another question or moving to another seminar participant, again by name, to get his or her feedback. 

 

--Demonstrate “best practices.”  Show seminar participants how to actually do something, whether you move from behind the podium and get closer to the audience, use the name of a seminar participant, or deal directly with a seminar participant who is interrupting consistently.  You want to show potential trainers how to do it, but then give them the opportunity to try it.  Make sure you provide a safety net for people to make mistakes and then give them positive yet candid feedback and let them try it again. 

 

--Engage participants.  If your seminar philosophy is to actively involve participants but while you are teaching you lecture and dominate the conversation, what message does that send?  “Do as I say, not as I do.”  You have to practice what you preach, which sometimes means letting go and giving up control but making sure that you set the parameters for a meaningful discussion to take place. 

 

--Training the trainers is a two-way street.  Too many of these training sessions are one-way monologues, with seminar leaders delivering dry, canned and terribly uninspiring presentations.  The objective is to simply “cover the material” as opposed to connecting and inspiring participants while at the same time providing valuable skills, tools and knowledge.  If all you are trying to do is cover the material, why not simply send an e-mail with your “canned” presentation and let participants read it at their leisure.  The seminar leader must communicate at a higher level and must be more personal, passionate and inspiring, but most of all engaging.  If not, that’s when seminar participants start pulling out their iPhones, and nothing good will come of that. 

 

 

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

December 2018

Our Eyes “Speak” Volumes

Steve Adubato, PhD

 Joe Torre, former Yankees manager and Co-Founder of the Joe Torre Safe At Home Foundation, shares his leadership advice about managing your team by connecting with the people you lead.

The issue of eye contact can’t be overemphasized as a valuable and important communication and leadership tool because it is true that the eyes are the windows to the soul. They communicate something beyond and even deeper than words. That’s why you may not be anxious to do business with someone who can’t look you in the eye. And that’s why we can’t help making negative judgments about people who have shifty or beady eyes. That’s also why it’s so unnerving when someone “rolls” his or her eyes while we’re talking.

 

Eye communication is an integral part of the way we all talk to each other. When you decide to improve your communications skills, this is one factor of “speech” that should not be overlooked. It’s important to understand the powerful messages that eyes can communicate and how to effectively use your eyes to help emphasize and underline what you say or what you hear.  Consider the following:

 

Be careful about what your eyes are saying.  Simply put, the eyes often communicate emotions and hidden meaning. When we think our child or spouse has done something wrong but is denying it, for example, we often say, “Look me in the eye and tell me that.” When they can’t, we’re convinced they’re not being honest. In a similar way, the eyes can give away your feelings, particularly when communicating challenging information.  They can show fear, happiness, boredom and uncertainty. 

 

The eyes can easily “give you away”.  If you lower your eyes and look down while talking, you may unknowingly communicate guilt or uncertainty. If you open your eyes wide and use a piercing stare, you may unintentionally show your anger. Yet, if your eyes are relaxed, open and friendly you may be saying to someone you are truly interested in them and what they have to say. To communicate effectively, you must consider what your eyes are doing almost as much as you consider your words.   

 

Be aware of what someone else’s eyes are saying.  We’ve seen the power of eye contact in action and instinctively know exactly what it means. The eyes can instantly communicate a desire to engage, threaten, challenge, or end a conversation. For example, imagine being in a meeting where you say something your boss did not expect or want you to say so he “shoots you a glance” that makes it crystal clear that you’d better shut up fast.  If you miss that cue, you could make a bad situation worse.  Conversely, at another meeting if you say something the boss is pleased with, her eyes will open up wide as a sign of approval.  Combined with an acknowledging nod, you get the message that you’ve said something of value.   

 

Practice effective eye contact to engage others.  No doubt you’ve seen eye communication in action in many life situations. As you improve your skills as a communicator, it’s important to pay more attention to how you can consciously use your eyes to more effectively connect with the people you speak with. If you’ve never consciously practiced effective eye contact, it’s understandable that you may feel confused about how it works – you may even avoid it without being aware of how this negatively impacts your ability to communicate in a genuine and sincere manner. But remember, it’s never too late to learn how to use eye contact as a communication tool and to appreciate its benefits. Like I said, the eyes speak volumes. 

 

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

11/12/2018

Make a Commitment to Effective Leadership

Steve Adubato, PhD

Ric Edelman, Executive Chairman of Edelman Financial Services, shares the greatest lesson he's learned about leadership is to honor your commitment to being a leader.

Most of us make a commitment to better ourselves in some way.  For example, we set specific goals to eat healthier, workout more, spend more time with the family or get to bed earlier.  But how many of us make a commitment with specific goals to become a more effective leader and communicator?  There is no time like the present to set some goals in that regard that will help you both professionally and personally.  Consider the following recommendations that will help you make a commitment to being an effective leader.  I commit to:

 •  Become a more attentive listener. Next time you’re in a meeting or conversation or any situation where you should be listening – concentrate more.  Try to eliminate distractions and give yourself a reason to listen.  Fight the urge to interrupt and finish other people’s sentences.  You’ll be amazed at the results.

 

  • Try a more passionate, attention getting approach in my next presentation. Instead of starting like this; “good afternoon I’m here to talk to you about…..”.  Begin with a provocative question or statement.  The point is to give people a reason to listen and not come across like every other presenter they have ever heard. 

 

  • Only call meetings that need to be called.  Don’t hold meetings just to hold meetings.  When you do call a meeting make sure you have a goal oriented, realistic agenda.  Keep the meeting focused on only the agenda.  Also, begin the meeting when you are supposed to and end it before people expect you to.  That will make you very popular.

 

  • Get to the point faster and stop beating around the bush.  If you hear yourself droning on, stop talking and ask yourself “ What was my point anyway?”  Remember when it comes to communication brevity is usually the best policy. 

 

  • Mentor or coach someone in my organization.  It’s not in your job description, and you won’t necessarily get promoted for doing it, but helping someone else reach their professional potential is tremendously rewarding.  Not only does it help you and the other person grow, it helps the organization reach its goals and build a sense of team spirit. 

 

  • Be more empathetic.  Begin to look at things from the other person’s point of view.  Since you really can’t put yourself in the other person’s shoes, the next best thing is to try to imagine what if might be like to be in their shoes.  That’s all people really want.  If they think you care enough to do that, they will be willing to listen to what you have to say and give you the benefit of the doubt when you disagree.

 

  • Speak in a more conversational tone.  No one wants to hear a lecture or even a speech.  Instead of a monologue, engage in a dialogue and promise to do less talking and more listening.

 

  • Be clearer in the language I use.  Instead of saying I’ll get it done “ASAP” or the house “is not too far away”.  Be more specific and unambiguous.  Say exactly when you’ll get it done and how specifically, how far away the house is.  Most of us are unaware that the language we use often causes misunderstanding and miscommunication.  Instead of blaming that on the other person, take more responsibility for how you communicate. 

 

  • Be more aware of my eye contact.  Next time you are in a conversation or a meeting, concentrate with your eyes on the person who is speaking.  Don’t stare to the point of making people uncomfortable, but focus.  It will help you to listen.  If your eyes are darting all around the room and you are easily distracted, make note of it and the impact it is having on the other person. 

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

10/12/2018

Simplicity is a Virtue

Steve Adubato, PhD

 Martin Karpeh, Jr. MD, Chairman of Surgery at Hackensack University Medical Center, explains that having a clear, simple vision and plan for the future is good advice for all leaders.

There’s too much information out there and it seems to be getting worse every day.  Often people say that the problem in a particular organization is that “more communication is needed.”  However, the fact is, it is rarely more communication or information that is lacking, but rather, more effective, relevant and strategic information.  Consider the following: 

 

--More communication or information isn’t always a good thing. The Internet and social media is filled with lots of information, but how much of it is actually pertinent to our lives?  Our televisions now offer hundreds of channels – lots of choices, lots of information.  But how much of it can we really use?  Of the e-mails we get, how many of them are junk?  Whether it’s the Internet, television or the reams of memos and e-mail that inundate us, we are constantly trying to manage and make sense of the information and data in our lives. 

 

--Numbers and data are numbing.  One of the biggest problems people make when giving presentations is that they simply have too much data or too many facts that they are trying to communicate. What they don’t realize is that the more information they want to cram into the heads of their audience, the greater the likelihood that they will lose, confuse and in fact bore their audience.  

 

--Cut your speech in half.  Research shows that the vast amount of information that you communicate in a speech or presentation will be forgotten by most of your audience within five minutes.  Further, much of what people are convinced they remember, they remember incorrectly.  Just like a columnist must edit his writing to fit the allotted space in a newspaper, the same is true of a presenter.  So next time you have to give a presentation, consider cutting it down by at least half.  If you plan to speak for 20 minutes, only speak for ten.

 

--Our minds hate confusion.  We often present the way we do, cramming in every fact, number or statistic, in order to show how smart we are.  Well, most people aren’t impressed.  They just think we’re trying to tell them everything we know rather than thinking about the information they might actually care about or find relevant.  But doing “data dumps” continues to be the norm in too many organizations.  We have all sat through presentations where the presenter runs through 20 or more slides, literally reading the overwhelming amount of text on each slide.  Not only do we fade out, but we could have read all that information in a handout or, better, yet, the presenter could go green and let us know where to find that information on his or her website.  As an audience, we want to be engaged, not lectured to. 

 

--Less is more.  Many of us are still convinced that the more voluminous a presentation or report, the more likely we are to get positive feedback.  It’s just like in college or high school, when the teacher asks you to write a term paper that is no longer than ten pages, and you submit one that is 20 pages. We delude ourselves into thinking that 20 pages will help us get a better grade.  Rarely does it work that way, particularly when the teacher grading the term paper can’t figure out what the point is.  I’m convinced we give long speeches and write lengthy term papers, because we think doing so covers our behinds and implies that we did a lot of work.  In truth, that approach is often the product of laziness. 

 

Simply put, the hard work is in editing, cutting down, and prioritizing communication.  This comes down to making tough choices and asking ourselves some hard questions about what is really important both to us and our audience.  My advice?  Start editing right away.  Your audience will appreciate you for it.

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

09/07/2018

Picking a Speaker Isn’t Easy

Steve Adubato, PhD

Michele Siekerka, President & CEO, New Jersey Business & Industry Association, highlights the traits of a good leader and communicator. 

Picking a speaker for a particular event can be complicated.  Often, people go with the biggest name or an expert in a particular field.  They go with the star athlete, the entertainer, the business leader, among others.  However, when it comes to selecting a speaker for an event, care should be taken to be sure that the speaker you choose is the right fit for your organization as well as for the overall goal of the event itself.  Here are some questions and key tips to consider the next time your organization has to bring in someone to speak

--Check out a prospective speaker on video before making a final decision.  Don’t just rely on someone’s glossy bio or beefed up resume.  People with great credentials or who have won sports championships (or even well-known CEOs) can sometimes be terrible public presenters. They look great on paper, and may be terrific at what they do professionally, but actually connecting with an audience at an event is a very different communication art form.  This takes different skills, which often have little to do with what has made these people winners in their respective fields. 

--Get a sense of what your audience really wants and needs.  Poll them.  Ask them questions about what issues, topics and concerns they have.  But, remember, since you are likely to get a range of opinions, selecting a speaker should never be done by a committee, but rather by a small group or an executive in charge.  Large committees or advisory groups don’t do well making decisions like this, but it is still important to get group input.

--Connect the speaker to the particular type of event being held.  Don’t hire a comedian to be a commencement speaker who may wind up putting down the importance of academics and education.  Think about that.  The people graduating have just put in four years of hard work, culminating in this very special day where they will receive a much-deserved diploma (With their families celebrating them.) and the commencement speaker is making a joke about education and saying it doesn’t mean very much.  Talk about a disconnect. 

--Once you have decided on a speaker, event organizers MUST tell the speaker not only what topics or issues he or she should focus on, but also what subjects are absolutely off limits and why.  Avoiding this critical conversation often results in awkward, uncomfortable and embarrassing speeches with apologies having to be made after the fact. 

--Finally, ask yourself this question; “Does the potential speaker truly care about our organization and our audience?”  Some speakers may be competent and dynamic communicators.  However, if they don’t take the time to learn about who you are and what you care about, they are likely to “mail it in” and deliver a canned presentation.  It won’t make it a bad speech, but rather one that has no real connection to your event, your organization or your audience.  Remember, an audience doesn’t care about what a speaker has to say, until they know how much he or she really cares about them.

Write to me at [email protected] about a great (or not so great) speaker you’ve seen and heard.

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

08/08/2018

Strategic Planning 101

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Dr. Joel Bloom, President of NJIT, says focusing on the bigger picture and strategically managing tasks and responsibilities are challenges he's faced as a leader.

 

Many organizations say all the right things about strategic planning:  “We just had a two-day strategic planning retreat” or “We need to do our strategic plan.”  Yet, talking the talk about strategic planning is not the same as walking the walk.  Others have a decidedly negative view of strategic planning: “We don’t have time to do a strategic plan.  Plus, things are constantly changing, so what’s the point of having a plan we are never going to use?” 

 

Much of the confusion and negativity surrounding strategic planning is because some people just don’t understand what it should and could be.  Some confuse the strategic planning document with the process itself.  Others are obsessed with the process and never put any of it in to action.  The reality is that thinking and acting strategically is something any professional or organization must do.  If not, decisions are made based on nothing more than whim or instinct without any connection to the “bigger picture.”

 

With this in mind, consider what being strategic means and what is doesn’t mean.

Being strategic means…

  • Intentionally setting goals and having those goals based on reality. Without such goals, how can any organization measure its effectiveness or stay on course?

  • Being aware of the organization’s resources. The best leaders are fully aware of their organization’s resources, both financial and human, and dedicates those resources in a rational fashion that moves in a direction of accomplishing the above-mentioned goals. 

  • Deciding what’s really important and what’s not. With limited resources and limited time, it is all about prioritizing.  An organization that says “everything is important” is bound to fail and burn out its people. 

  • Putting the difficult questions and issues on the table. Don’t duck them.  It’s about taking a sobering look at the external environment and knowing that you have no control over it. 

  • Creating an opportunity for individuals to “buy in” to something bigger than themselves. It’s about gaining a degree of ownership of a game plan that needs everyone’s participation in order to work.

Being strategic is NOT…

  • Being rigid or inflexible because of some strategic planning document. That document is not intended to tie your hands behind your back, but rather serve as a blueprint for making important decisions.

  • About trying to predict the future. Organizations that do that are wasting valuable time.  Being strategic means making decisions based on the data available to you at a given time. 

  • An excuse for not leading and managing in a dynamic and human fashion because you have gone through a rational, strategic process. Some decisions need to be made on the spot, particularly in an emergency. 

  • Always logical and orderly. In fact, if done the wrong way, strategic planning can get very messy.  It is described by some as more like a “ride on a roller coaster” than a “comfortable trip on a commuter train.”  Either way, the key is to stay on the track

Finally, strategic planning is not about coming up with some convoluted jargon-laden mission statement that people take forever to develop.  Have you ever noticed that many of these mission statements end up framed and posted in the workplace, but are ignored on a regular basis?  If you are developing a mission statement to make yourself or your organization look good, then you are not truly committed to thinking and acting strategically. 

 

Write to me at [email protected] to let me know how your organization deals (or doesn’t deal) with strategic planning.

06/11/2018

Dangerous Busy Minds

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Jack Mitchell, Chairman, Mitchell Stores & Author, "Hug Your Customers" and "Hug Your People", shares his leadership advice about being present with your people.

Jack Mitchell, Chairman, Mitchell Stores & Author, "Hug Your Customers" and "Hug Your People", shares his leadership advice about being present with your people.


A lot of professionals confuse being busy with being an effective leader. People with a lot of responsibility at work often say things like: "I'm so busy, I don't even have time to think straight," or, "I have a million things to do, I don't know which way to turn." The late Dr. Richard Carlson, author of the popular series, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," said that we all need to be aware of what he called the "burden of the busy mind."

The busy mind syndrome can get started slowly until we have created a gigantic to-do list in our heads. Again, we confuse activity with effectiveness. Add to that our hopes, dreams, goals and worst of all, the worries about what is or isn't going to happen, and we have created an avalanche of stuff that has the potential to paralyze us as we attempt to lead and manage not only ourselves, but those around us.  So consider the following tips for taming the busy mind.

 

Recognize that you have a “busy mind.”  All of these leadership activities become virtually impossible to perform if we are consumed with our "busy minds." Instead of being responsive, we are unnecessarily reactive. Instead of making good, smart decisions, we tend to be irrational. And instead of having a clear vision and listening the way we should, we are easily distracted and unfocused. The first step to dealing with a busy mind is accepting that you have one.

 

Don’t let your busy mind consume you.  The key to dealing with the busy mind syndrome is becoming aware of its potential to consume us. As Carlson said, "all that's necessary is to gently drop the thoughts that aren't needed at a given time. That's it. Just notice them and let them go."

 

Prioritize.  Granted, today's managers are required to perform more tasks than ever before. Downsizing has put big-time pressure on those who are left in an organization. However, no matter how many items you have on your plate, being a real leader is also about prioritizing. It's about deciding what needs to be done today and what can wait until tomorrow. It's about having a clear head that allows you to make smart, strategic decisions.

Be present!  If you are in a meeting, a conversation, a conference call or any business situation that requires real concentration, understand that you will pay a heavy price for allowing your busy mind to take you out of the moment. Instead, the key is to be present. The key is to decide that it's worth giving of yourself and concentrating so that you can fully appreciate and understand what is being said. If you let these other thoughts, worries and fears (as well as your mental to-do list) get in the way of what you are doing, you virtually guarantee that the experience will be a dissatisfying one. Your effectiveness as a leader/manager will be reduced. Those around you will know that you are not really present. And those same people will begin sharing less with you knowing that you are largely faking it. You will lose out on getting the benefit of their ideas and suggestions.

 

Simply put, as a leader you cannot let your busy mind affect you or your decision-making. If you do, sooner or later your busy mind will affect your bottom line, and then you will have a lot more to worry about than all of those unnecessary items on your to-do list.

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

05/07/2018

The Audience You Can’t See

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Bill Hagaman, CPA, CGMA, Managing Partner & CEO of Withumsmith + Brown, PC, explains a challenge he's faced as a leader is keeping his team motivated and inspired.

 

Hi-tech presentations aren’t better just because of the bells and whistles.  Further, communicating online or in a distance learning environment involves limitations that we need to understand and deal with. 

 

With these realities in mind, consider the following tips and tools the next time you present to an audience that is not in the same room with you:

 

--Present as if your audience IS actually in the room, even if they are not.  The key is to be as animated and engaging as possible.  Your goal is to make every person feel as if you are talking directly to them, even if you are actually looking into the lens of a camera or talking into a telephone line. 

 

--If presenting over the phone, don’t use the receiver.  Instead, use a headset.  Communicating in this fashion allows you to use your hands and your entire body to reinforce what you say.  If you are tied to the receiver, you will be tremendously limited in your movement. 

 

--Energy matters.  Remember when you are presenting in this fashion, there is a temptation for audience members to become distracted or involved in other activities.  Therefore, maintain your enthusiasm and passion.  No matter how you feel, you must keep your energy level up, which is essential because you have no direct eye contact with your audience. 

 

--Be animated but disciplined.  If you’re communicating into a camera, keep in mind that you are being shot in a specific ‘frame.’  If you move around too much, you could easily move outside that frame.  So, rehearse your presentation before the actual event so that you are crystal clear on how much you can move around. 

 

--Remain totally focused.  Make sure your door is closed, your desk is cleared and you have nothing else on your mind other than this important presentation.  Remember, if you get distracted, it will be that much easier for your audience to do the same.

 

--If using PowerPoint, make sure your slides are in order.  Do a dry run before the actual event.  However, be prepared to deal with the PowerPoint equipment malfunctioning and going with a lower-tech version.  No matter what happens, make sure your audience sees you remain cool, calm and collected and nothing, including an equipment breakdown, is going to throw you off.

 

--During the Q&A, personalize your communication.  Ask the name of someone you are addressing who you can’t see and then use that person’s name in your response.  Be as conversational as possible.  Your role is not to simply ask questions, but rather engage your audience.  Therefore, if you want to ask a question, feel free to do so.

 

--Prepare for multiple audiences.  There will be instances when you have to present to both live and long-distance audiences at the same time. In this instance connect with both the audience in front of you and the audience you cannot see.  Therefore, use phrases like; “For those right here...” or “For those of you out there…” 

 

The bottom line is communicating online or in a distance learning environment can be rewarding and compelling if you prepare and understand the limitations and the uniqueness of the experience. 

 

Write to me at [email protected] regarding a recent presentation or communication experience with an audience that you were unable to see.  How did you handle it?  What did you learn from the experience?   

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

 

05/02/2018

Real Leaders Don’t Mock Other’s Appearance

Steve Adubato, PhD

Author, “Lessons in Leadership” 

 

Leadership is about a lot of things.  Things that you have to be good at, and in some cases, excellent.  Leadership is about being strategic, making tough decisions, motivating your people and challenging them, often with hard to hear, but important, feedback.  It is about running engaging and effective meetings and delivering presentations with impact that get people to buy in to change when their instinct is to be resistant. 

 

But leadership is also about having a sense of civility.  It is about not simply engaging in petty and often mean-spirited name calling.  It is about not mocking people for their physical appearance or even attacking their family members.  Why do I say this now after writing my last book Lessons in Leadership?  It is because I never addressed this issue in that book.  I never thought I had to.  Then again, the mean-spirited, petty and hurtful culture we appear to be living in requires that anyone that teaches, coaches and writes about leadership address this issue head on.

 

I posted on social media that I was disgusted by certain aspect of comedian Michelle Wolf’s routine at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner about White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders.  Her low brow and not even remotely funny comments about Sanders’ eye makeup and reference to her being on a “softball team” clearly focus not on substance, but again, on the physical appearance of a very public person.  I don’t get it.  What’s more, I don’t accept it. 

 

I don’t accept it for Michele Wolf mocking Sanders’ appearance and clearly it is even worse when President Donald  Trump (regardless of whether you voted for him or not) publicly mocks a New York Times reporter for his disability, countless women for their weight, or what he perceives to be their lack of attractiveness. And finally, I don’t accept it for myself.  I have countless leadership faults that I wrote about extensively in my book.  But one thing I’ve never participated in (either as an anchor on public broadcasting, or in any of my commentary on the air on MSNBC, FOX, SiriusXM or AM970) is the mocking of people I vehemently disagreed with for their physical appearance.  It’s cheap.  It’s degrading.  It detracts and distracts from what we really need to deal with as leaders in the public arena. 

 

So my message is simply this.  Real leaders, ones that actually want to have an impact and get things done, resist the urge to hit below the belt when it comes to anything involving physical attractiveness, weight, or the way someone styles their hair or whether they even have hair.  It is lame.  And finally, it’s a form of verbal bullying that we constantly tell our children is wrong and hurtful.  But then again, some of the most high-profile leaders around do it every day…but that doesn’t make it right.

 

Let me know your thoughts.  Write to me at [email protected]

04/25/2018

In case you missed it:

AM970 Contributor Steve Adubato Goes One-on-One with Senate President Steve Sweeney

 

This past weekend, I had the unique opportunity to go one-on-one with NJ Senate President Steve Sweeney in an in-depth half-hour special on State of Affairs with Steve Adubato, taped at the NJTV studios in Newark.  We explored New Jersey's very challenging fiscal problems and Senate President Sweeney's opposition to the millionaires tax proposed by NJ Governor Phil Murphy.  Conversely, Senate President Sweeney has proposed a "corporate tax", which he believes will bring in much-needed revenue to our state. 

 

Senate President Sweeney and I also talked about the issue of legalizing marijuana, as well as the economic impact and the social and medical concerns some have with legalization.  Finally, we addressed our state's nagging public employee pension crisis and Senate President Sweeney's 2011 effort with then Governor Chris Christie to tackle the pension issue which, while laudable, has fallen short on its execution. Simply put, there is a massive pension problem for public employees whose retirement security may now be in question. But this is an issue for ALL New Jersey taxpayers who may, in one way or another, end up footing the bill to close this embarrassing and unacceptable pension gap.

 

Oh yeah...and I talked candidly with Senate President Sweeney about what appears to be a sometimes strained relationship with his follow Democrat, Governor Phil Murphy.  Anyone who thought that it would all be smooth sailing because the Democrats control both houses of the legislative and executive branches in this post-Chris Christie era need to watch this special on State of Affairs.

 

This half-hour conversation is revealing, insightful and, in all modesty, "must-see TV," especially if you care about New Jersey's future.  Watch it here

-Steve Adubato

 Emmy Award-winning Anchor and Host of State of Affair

 

Link to program: http://steveadubato.org/senate-president-sweeney-addresses-nj-s-hot-button-topics.html

04/04/2018

Great Stories Move People

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Judith Factor, Executive Director of Friends of Karen, shares her number one Lesson in Leadership - to be passionate and inspire people.

We all love a good story.  As little kids, we wanted our parents or someone significant in our lives to tell us a story.  As we get older and supposedly more mature, we enter the world of business and seem to forget how powerful stories can be as a communication tool to move, motivate, inspire and yes, lead others.  But some of that is changing and the art of storytelling is actually being taught to professionals who should have never forgotten it in the first place.  Let’s explore this communication phenomenon.

 

Stories are fun.  As a result, they are an effective communication tool.  You don’t need to be an expert or a whiz to tell one.  A good story with a memorable beginning, middle and end, told with passion and enthusiasm connects with people on a visceral and emotional level.  Great stories are not intimidating like a directive from the top telling you some organizational change is required because “the boss says so.” 

 

Too much data is numbing.  Few will admit it, but many of us are overwhelmed by the constant barrage of information and data.  Statistics, surveys, charts and graphs create a never-ending data dump.  E-communication can overwhelm us.  Very often this information is too abstract for us to get a handle on.  It’s not in context.  It doesn’t have a point or a moral, much less a message.  Not so with an effectively told story.  Many crave a return to a simpler, more clearly defined world, where leaders communicate a direction that has a purpose.  We want to be included in that purpose.  Stories have characters and great storytellers connect us to those characters so we can see ourselves in the story.  The more cluttered the world gets with information, the more effective a simple story becomes. 

 

Start incorporating stories into your communication.  You have stories and anecdotes based on your life experience as well as the countless stories you were told throughout your life.  These stories inspired you, and there is a good chance these same stories will inspire others.  The problem is that we wrongly assume that stories aren’t appropriate in the world of business.  Think of your favorite story or anecdote (the simpler the better) and ask yourself what the moral is, and then consider how the story and its moral can drive home a seemingly unrelated issue or point in your professional life. 

 

We all make mistakes when storytelling.  The biggest one is giving too many details and getting caught up in the minutia, forgetting what the point or moral of the story is.  Great stories or anecdotes can be told in 10, 20 or 30 seconds.  The key is to capture the essence of the story and then connect it to the existing issue or challenge facing your audience.  (“So the point is…” or “What this means is…”)  Another mistake, even for the most entertaining storytellers who capture their audience’s attention, is to not have their story tied to the larger message.  An entertaining story isn’t enough to communicate effectively.  Stories told in a professional setting must inspire people to action and move them in a direction they might not otherwise go.  To do that, the storyteller must have a compelling and credible message.  The lesson is to start with the message that you believe in and then identify the stories and/or anecdotes that drive the message home. 

 

How do you use storytelling as a communication tool?  Write to me at [email protected]

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

03/19/2018

Governor Murphy's Budget...
Where Heart Meets the Bottom Line

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

 

"Where exactly will the money come from to pay for these and other items on Governor Murphy's very progressive agenda?"


There is no doubt that Governor Phil Murphy’s heart is in the right place.  He clearly is passionate about helping those who have the least and need the most.  For example, commuters who are dependent upon currently undependable NJ Transit service. A much-needed Gateway Tunnel to reduce traffic congestion going into New York for these same hundreds of thousands of commuters.  (P.S.  President Donald Trump has told New York and New Jersey to take a hike if they expect any federal funding for this much-needed project.)
 
Governor Murphy is also passionate about helping potential students who want to go to community college, but can’t afford it.  Urban school children who have received less state aid than the legal state education funding formula requires.  Kids who should be in Pre-K, but again, whose parents are unable to afford it.  Workers making just over $8 an hour, who would love to make the $15 minimum wage in a state that has become simply unaffordable for so many. And, of course, public employees who worry every day about whether their pension will be there when they retire after having put in so many years of valuable service to the people of this state. 
 
Governor Murphy’s heart is not the problem.  It is clearly in the right place.  But as he delivered his historic first budget address this week, one problem becomes abundantly clear.  Where exactly will the money come from to pay for these and other items on Governor Murphy’s very “progressive” agenda? 
 
Should New Jersey increase taxes on those who earn over $1 million?  What about a minor uptick in the sales tax?  And how about legalizing marijuana, which would bring in much-needed revenue to our state?  These are just some of the ideas Governor Murphy has proposed to pay for what he believes should be New Jersey’s priorities in this budget.  Clearly there is some resistance in the legislature to these revenue generators, even among some Democrats who I am confident believe in virtually everything Governor Murphy proposes to do to help New Jersey residents. 
 
But this is where the really hard choices have to be made.  If these things truly matter, then without finding the dollars to pay for them, they become just ideas that go nowhere.  If that happens, it would be a shame.  But then again, can we ask those who have more to simply pay more?  Should we legalize marijuana in part because it brings in big bucks?  As for the sales tax, I’m still wondering why Democrats cut it by a tiny fraction in order to justify a much-needed gas tax to keep our roads and bridges safe (imagine how relevant that is right now given the horrific pedestrian bridge collapse in Miami.) 
 
Finally, if the items on the Murphy agenda, which I think are laudable, matter most, then what gets cut from other programs and departments in state government?  If the answer is nothing because “everything matters”, I then say that “nothing matters”, because whether it is a family, a business or state government, if we can’t say what matters most, and be willing to pay for it, then our words are empty.  We are about to find out over the next three months who cares most about what, and about whom, in our state.  That’s right, New Jersey’s state budget must be balanced and locked in by midnight June 30th.  Unlike the Federal government, we can’t spend money we don’t have. 
 
This is a painful reality check for all of us in New Jersey, but especially for our new Governor, Phil Murphy, who I think has a heart of gold, but the question is, do we have the gold to pay for it?   
 

Of Governor Murphy's very laudable agenda items, which should go on the top of the list and why? Write to me at [email protected]

03/07/2018

Conference Calls Can Be Productive If…

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

 Patricia Stark, Communications Coach, shares her number one Lesson in Leadership - to listen to people and connect on a human level.

 People in the workplace love conference calls.  If done the right way they can be huge time savers.  Conference calls can get several people communicating on an important issue and allow for critical decisions to be made in a timely fashion.  That’s what conference calls CAN be, but too often they are not.  They wind up being chaotic time wasters that cause many participants to be frustrated, confused and downright bored.

 

Recently a colleague told me about a conference call she was on with a business associate.  The call was going along just fine but as they were wrapping up and deciding on what needed to be done, another voice came out of the blue--a voice that hadn’t been heard during the entire call.  Who was this and why wasn’t he identified earlier in the call?  Was he listening the whole time?  What role was he playing?  Finally, what level of trust can you have with someone that doesn’t even tell you that there is another person in on the call?

 

Next time you are thinking about organizing and leading a conference call, consider the following tips:

 

---Treat a conference call the same way you would treat an important meeting.  Make sure everyone has a clear, itemized agenda.  Have the conference call start on time and end when you have committed to ending it.

 

---Limit the number of people on the call to 4 (maximum 5).  Anything over that borders on chaotic.  It becomes extremely difficult to keep track of who is talking, plus, when you have too many people on the call, it is an invitation for people to go on automatic pilot.  Some of us have even pressed the mute button and start multi-tasking.  

 

---Don’t multi-task when on a conference call.  If you THINK you can answer your e-mail and participate in the conference call you are kidding yourself.  Things are going to get missed when you do that.  You wouldn’t respond to your e-mail if you were in a meeting, so you shouldn’t do it if you are on a conference call. 

 

---As the organizer of the conference call, have everyone introduce himself or herself up front.  Then ask for people to state who they are before they speak.  They don’t have to do it every time, but it is important for people who don’t know each other’s voices especially well to become familiar as quickly as possible. 

 

---Try not to interrupt.  Hold your tongue and wait for the appropriate time to jump in.  One big difference between a meeting and a conference call is that there is no non-verbal communication over the telephone.  Other participants can’t see that you are looking to get in.  Frankly, you have to be a much better listener and your concentration level has to be higher over the phone than in person.

 

---If you come into a conference call after it starts, try to make sure that people know you are there.  If you are the organizer of the conference call and this happens, seek an opportunity to introduce that person and then quickly review any key decisions that have been made.

 

--Finally, as the organizer of the conference call, wrap up the meeting with a recap of what has been accomplished and agreed upon.  Also, identify issues or questions that must be explored further.  Make sure you thank everyone for his or her participation and say good-bye. 

 

Write to me at [email protected] about a recent conference call experience that left an impression. 

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

 

02/08/2018


Micromanaging Never Works

 Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Dan Borghoff, Makerspace and Robotics Teacher at Panther Academy, advises leaders to take a step back, let people learn from each other and avoid micromanaging.

 There is a fine line between a leader, manager or supervisor paying attention to important details and micromanaging an operation to the point where they drive their people crazy. 

 

I know countless people in the workplace who engage in micromanaging.  No job or responsibility is too small for them.  It’s not enough to assign a project to a particular staff person; they have to know where that person is on the project every step of the way.  Micromanagers second guess and hover over your shoulder.  They are so caught up with the minutia of their operation that they don’t have the time or the ability to see the bigger picture as well as new opportunities on the horizon. 

 

To be fair, I can understand why people micromanage.  Fact is, I have been guilty of it in certain situations.  A lot of that comes from the combination of our own insecurity, a lack of trust in others’ ability and an unhealthy desire to CONTROL everything that goes on around us.  With that in mind, consider the following: 

 

--If you have a leader who micromanages, the first step in dealing with the problem is to get him to acknowledge what he is doing and the negative impact it has on others.  The old adage, “if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself” doesn’t work when you are part of a larger team that’s supposed to be supporting each other and working together. 

 

--If you find that you are the one micromanaging others, accept the fact that you can’t do it all yourself.  Further, you SHOULDN’T do it all yourself.  Imagine being on a basketball team in which one player dribbled the ball up court, took the shot, followed up his own rebound, shot again, never passed to anyone else and then gave himself his own high-five.  What fun would that be?  Even if the team won occasionally, over the long haul, failure is guaranteed. 

 

--In the world of business, if one person, regardless of how smart or talented he or she is, refuses to delegate and share responsibility and authority, other team players will begin to lose interest and stop making a meaningful contribution.  My advice to micromanagers is to delegate a little bit at a time.  Ask yourself what assignment or project could be handled by someone else, thereby allowing you to do something that only you could do.  There are simply too many tasks that need to be accomplished for you to do them all.

 

--Avoid the blame game.  I know from personal experience, every time I engage in finger pointing and blaming my employees (because secretly I’m thinking I could have done the job better), only bad things happen.  Accept the fact that occasionally, things won’t go exactly as planned.  No matter how hard you try, or how many hours you work, no leader, manager, or supervisor can control everything that goes on around him or her. 

 

If you are a micromanager, or you are being micromanaged, write to me at [email protected] and share your thoughts.

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

01/08/2018

Keys to Managing Interruptions

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Michael J. Smith, President of Berkeley College, shares his advice about the power of listening and getting to know those you lead.

Interruptions are a big part of the communication game.  We interrupt each other in conversations, presentations and in our every day communication both at work and at home.  But are interruptions always bad?  Normal or healthy interruptions have been referred to by communication researchers as “overlap.”  No big deal here.  The problem occurs when you consistently are unable to finish a point because of interruptions or your own habit of interrupting others.  Let’s look at some keys questions. 

 

Why do I get interrupted by others?  If you find you are getting interrupted very often when talking with others, it could be because you are hesitating too long before making a point or your body language and facial gestures seem to invite others to jump in and interrupt us.  Another reason is that we simply take forever to make our point so others interrupt us out of frustration or boredom. 

 

Does a person’s position in an organization impact on his likelihood of interrupting others?  Status or perceived power is a huge factor in the interruption game.  Teachers are more likely to interrupt students.  CEOs and high-level managers often interrupt those who report directly to them.  If your boss (who has a great deal of power over your professional advancement), is droning on in a meeting or presentation, you aren’t likely to jump in and cut him off.  Very often, people interrupt because they can without any consequences taking place. 

 

What can I do to stop others from interrupting me so much?  It is critical that you first acknowledge that you are being interrupted and that you don’t like it.  You don’t have to argue or debate the interrupter, but rather make a decision that you are going to change your communication style to send a clear message that excessive interrupting isn’t acceptable.  The next time you are interrupted, attempt to speak through the interruption.  Don’t give in so quickly.  Again, interrupters often do it because they can.  Without realizing it, you may be sending a message that it is okay with you. 

 

Will raising my voice help?  Rarely.  In fact, when interrupted you should bring your volume down a bit.  Watch the impact it has on the interrupter.  Such an approach communicates a subtle confidence that you don’t have to yell to be heard, but you will be heard.   Also, make sure that at the end of your sentences you are making a statement and not asking a question.  The latter invites interruption.

 

Finally, don’t be afraid to use your body and your voice to communicate directly to the interrupter.  For example, while leaning forward say with your hand out; “Just one second.  Let me finish my point…as I was saying…”  This shows that you feel strongly about what you are saying.  It makes it harder for the other person to interrupt and that’s your goal. 

 

How do you deal with constant interrupters?  Write to me at [email protected]

 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

12/08/2017

Job Interviewing Requires Great Communication

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Andy Serwer, Editor of "American Enterprise: A History of Business in America" shares his most significant leadership lesson about the importance of communication.

It is hard to think of any aspect of professional life where communication doesn’t come in to play.  Consider how often as a manager, supervisor or business owner you’ve had to hire someone.  In the process, you conduct interviews, yet few professionals have been trained to do this well.  Being a great interviewer is critically important in finding out the strengths and weaknesses of a potential new hire. With this in mind, consider the following:

Be prepared.  The key in any effective interview is to customize your approach to the person seeking the job and the requirements you are looking for.  For example, every interviewer asks; “What are your greatest strengths?”  Yet, a more customized approach would be; “Tell me a situation in your previous job where you really had to be creative to solve a problem.”  Further, these prepared or “canned” questions have been asked so many times before of job applicants, that you are not likely to get especially relevant or useful information.  Job prospects know they are coming and predictably they prepare canned answers.

Make it engaging.  If an interview is droning on, the first thing to consider is why the interview is so dull or boring?  Is it you?  Is it the job applicant?  One of the things to look for is enthusiasm and passion, which is often communicated through high energy.  But if you really think the person has possibilities, here are some things you can do.  Lean forward.  Pick up your volume as well as your pace, and ask a follow up question like; “Tell me more,” or, “Do you have an example?”  Often people play off your energy and become more interesting as a result. 

Use follow up questions.  Since so many applicants are on their best behavior in interviews and often give the “right answers,” there are ways to find out who the person really is and if they are right for your organization.  The key is in the follow-ups; “You have communicated many times in this interview that you are a ‘team player.’  Describe a specific instance where you’ve lead a team to deal with a particularly difficult challenge or problem.”  Another follow-up might be; “You said that you are a consensus builder.  Tell me about a time where you had to bring people together and resolve conflict or actually build consensus.”  

Throw curve balls.  There are some interesting questions you can use that the interviewee may not expect, but can be very useful.  Some of my favorites include; “What are you most proud of, professionally or personally, and why?”  Or, “What is your biggest disappointment to date in business or work and what have you learned from it?”  And one that really helps you get to know someone a lot better is; “With all the pressures and demands of this particular job, how exactly do you balance your work and your personal life?” 

E-mail: [email protected]

Twitter: @SteveAdubato

Facebook:  /SteveAdubatoPhD

www.Stand-Deliver.com

11/10/2017

Building Business Relationships

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

 

When it comes to building business relationships, there are some specific communication steps that any professional can take to build his or her reputation and brand in the marketplace. Consider the following tips and tools:

View a customer complaint as an opportunity to solve a problem. No one wants to hear about client problems, however, it is how you CHOOSE to deal with them that matters most.  If you communicate in a positive, “we can get this done” fashion (even if you can’t do everything the client wants), it sends the message that you care about your client and it is likely to strengthen your relationships with respect to future business endeavors. 

 

Make a human connection.  The next time you are tempted to send a quick e-mail regarding a client’s request or concern, consider a different communication approach.  Pick up the phone.  In fact, you can send an e-mail to let them know that you got their message and will be following up over the phone.  This approach clearly communicates that you understand that some issues are not easily resolved or addressed via technology.  In certain cases, even a phone call isn’t enough and an old fashioned face-to-face meeting is required.

 

Empathize.  Work to understand someone in your business sphere’s point of view, instead of simply arguing yours.  One of the keys to effective communication, relationship building and branding is being more empathetic.  Before you start to argue your point, ask yourself this question; “If I were in his or her position, how might I see the situation?”  That simple but powerful question can change not only the way you view a business challenge, but how you choose to deal with it and ultimately the communication approach you adopt.  Also, ask yourself this question; “When was the last time you won an argument in the world of business by scoring debate points?”   It rarely happens.

 

Be honest, but don’t be mean spirited.  Sometimes communicating “bad news” in a candid and up front fashion can have a positive and lasting effect on a business relationship.  That doesn’t mean the receiver of this information is going to immediately appreciate or like you for it, but your goal is to have them respect you for caring enough to not simply tell them what they want to hear.  When a business associate concludes that you are telling it the way you see it and trying to help them avoid a mistake, it has the potential of fostering trust. 

 

Recognize accomplishments.  When something positive or good happens to a client or customer, let them know you are happy for them.  Send an e-mail.  Write a note.  Pick up the phone.  Communicate clearly that you acknowledge that something good has happened in their business world and make sure you don’t ask for any additional business in the process.  Simply put, one of the most effective relationship building tools in business is focusing on the other person without drawing attention to you.  The better they feel when communicating with you, the more likely they are to want to grow the business relationship as opportunities arise. 

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

10/04/2017

When Bullets are Best

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

 

When it comes to communication and information, especially when you are communicating in writing, more is not always better.  In business, one of the most effective ways to communicate in writing is using “bullet points.”  However, many people use bullet points incorrectly or work against their goal of concisely sending a clear message or call to action by making many common sense mistakes. 

 

Consider the following tips:   

 

--No bullet point should be more than one or two lines in length.  For example, our communication and leadership firm put together a list of “12 Keys to Making the Connection” when communicating.  The first bullet is “ATTITUDE is everything!”  Clearly there is more to say about attitude, but when it comes to bullet points, you can’t try to give all the information about a particular item to your audience.  That’s why the shorter “ATTITUDE is everything” will most likely be remembered by the recipient, because the more information in a particular bullet point, the more likely the audience is to forget your initial point.

 

--Highlight, italicize or put in bold certain words.  If you notice, “ATTITUDE” is highlighted because that is the most significant word in the bullet point.  Further, whatever tool you use to highlight a particular word, be consistent with that approach throughout the list of bullets. 

 

--The same thing is true in my ninth key to making the connection.  “CONFRONT…But Don’t Be Nasty or Negative.”  The goal is to have people remember that while their ATTITUDE is key, CONFRONTING issues and/or people is critical to effectively communicating both at work and at home. 

 

--Create “white space” in between each bulleted item, as opposed to cramming everything together.  Effective communication must be appealing to the eye.  That is the beauty of having a one line bullet.  It allows for more white space, which gives the recipient the chance to let the particular bullet point sink in or to write their own notes in between the bullets. 

 

--How many bullets are too many?  Frankly, after further consideration, “12 keys” in my making the connection list was too many.  I should have gone with seven or maximum eight.  Remember, Stephen Covey’s bestselling book is called “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.”  It is not called the 12 or 14 habits.  Most people can only remember so many bulleted points, therefore, no matter how many points you think you want to make, really effective communicators edit their bullets down to a maximum of seven or eight. For certain business communication, that number should be three or four.  It isn’t a question of how much information you have, but rather what are the MOST significant points for your audience. 

--Before you press the send button on that bulleted e-mail or business memo, print it out, take a good look at it and ask yourself; “If I were receiving this list of bullets for the first time, what would my reaction be?”  Better yet, share your list of bullets with a business associate you can trust and ask for his or her honest reaction.  It may not be scientific, but it can be really helpful to get that feedback.

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

09/07/2017

First Impressions: No Second Chances

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

 

Much of communication is based on how the receiver of your message feels about you.  Do they like you?  Trust you?  Believe in you?  It goes beyond content to a more subjective and visceral reaction one has to another human being.  How people feel about you is often based on first impressions. Fair or not, it is often said that you never get a second chance to make a first impression.  You can’t separate the message you are trying to communicate from the first impression you make as you are doing it.  So what are some of the keys to making a positive first impression?

 

  • An open, warm and friendly smile.  Before you communicate a word, someone’s reaction to you is greatly influenced by whether you smile.  A natural, comfortable smile puts the other person at ease.  It says that you are comfortable with yourself and the situation you are in and it makes much of what you are saying easier to hear because a smile is seen as friendly and informal as opposed to adversarial and rigid.  Are you aware of whether you smile when you meet people?  If not, it is something to think about.

 

  • A positive and upbeat attitude.  It goes hand-in-hand with the smile.  It has been said that “attitude is everything.”  No one wants to be around people with a negative, depressing or cranky attitude.  This doesn’t mean you walk around with a goofy grin on your face all day acting like the world is perfect, even if it is falling apart around you.  Rather, having a positive attitude communicates that you can deal with just about anything that happens.  This attitude is contagious and, again, makes the message you are sending verbally more likely to be positively received. 
  • A firm handshake combined with relaxed but focused eye contact.  The reason I tie these two powerful non-verbal communication items together is that when you shake someone’s hand you should be able to make solid eye contact.  Is your handshake firm or fishlike?  Do you make direct eye contact or does it make you uncomfortable?  When you don’t shake someone’s hand with a firm grip (no squeezing necessary) and look him in the eye, you can be pretty sure you are making a less than great first impression.  When analyzing why people don’t like or trust other people, it can often be traced to that initial handshake and whether direct eye contact was made.  This is something you have to practice. 
  • Genuine interest in other people.  People often feel good about other people they meet for the first time, when the person they are meeting makes them feel good about themselves.  Positive first impressions are made by people who ask questions of others.  They show interest and concern without being nosey or pushy.  They pay attention to what is being said and follow up to find out more.  There are other simple ways to communicate your interest in other people, which include using someone’s name in a conversation or when meeting someone you are aware of but have never met before; “Jim, it’s great to meet you.  I’ve heard a lot of good things about you from Bob.” 

 

What kind of first impression do you think you make on most people? 

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

08/07/2017

Succeeding as an Entrepreneur

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

People talk all the time about starting their own business.  There are professionals who don’t like their job and dream of being their own boss.  There are others who want to take the skills and knowledge they have gained in their career to create a startup company of their own.

 

But what does it really take to become a successful small business owner?  Some people believe if you are really good at something, then that is the thing you should do.  If it were only that simple. With this in mind, let’s identify the other leadership and communication traits that entrepreneurs need to succeed in today’s highly competitive and challenging business environment:

 

--It’s all about the customer.  It’s terrific if you are enthusiastic about a particular product or service, but your business will never work if that product or service is not compelling to prospective customers.  People have to WANT or NEED what you are selling.  The challenge here is to find the right balance between doing what you love, while matching that up with market demands.  It is a delicate balance that all budding entrepreneurs must keep in mind. 

 

--Promote your brand.  Get comfortable with self-promotion.  You can’t succeed in a small business unless you are constantly communicating why you believe in yourself and what service or product you are selling.  What makes you stand out?  What makes you distinctive?  It’s not enough that you believe in yourself, you have to be confident and secure enough to communicate this message with passion and enthusiasm to clients and customers.  If not, don’t start a business.

 

--Be humble.  This may sound like a contradiction to the point above, but it’s not.  The humility that I’m talking about is being secure enough to acknowledge that you don’t have all the answers.  Therefore, as an entrepreneur, you want to know more.  This requires you to be a superior communicator who asks probing questions of people who know more than you about a particular subject.  Being humble and confident don’t have to be mutually exclusive as a small business person.  In fact, in the right combination, it’s the perfect mix.

 

--Burn the midnight oil.  In fact, sometimes be willing to stay up through the night.  Successful small business professionals understand that we don’t work conventional hours.  Sometimes, we are drafting a business plan or sketching out our vision at 2 or 3 in the morning.  Further, not only do we not resent doing it, but we LOVE doing it because at our core, entrepreneurs have a special passion that says, “I don’t care what it takes to succeed.  I am going to do it.” 

 

--Be persistent.  As a small business professional, I have lost count of the number of times I’ve been rejected for a book proposal or by a prospective client.  Other entrepreneurs know this same feeling.  However, to succeed, one must see those rejections as an invitation to prove how wrong those who rejected us really were.  If you are easily defeated or deterred by the word “NO”, then going into your own business isn’t for you.  However, if you can get beyond the rejection, the satisfaction of finally getting the long-awaited “YES” is what makes being in business for yourself worth it. 

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

06/30/2017

 

Great Facilitation Pays Big Dividends

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.


Many people in business are asked to lead or facilitate meetings, conferences or forums. Being asked to do this is often an honor and sometimes turns out to be an excellent opportunity to show your stuff and make a meaningful difference in your organization. Unfortunately, just as often, the facilitator falls flat on his face.

Facilitating is not the same as giving a speech on a specific subject. It doesn't mean you are supposed to be the expert on whatever issue is being explored. Great facilitation, regardless of the venue, is about creating an open, relaxed and interactive environment in which all participants feel comfortable asking questions and expressing their views.

The ability to facilitate is not something people are born with. Rather, it is something that people have to learn through coaching and practice. It is something that corporations and other organizations must be committed to if they want their meetings, seminars, workshops or employee conferences to be successful. In that spirit, next time you are asked to facilitate, consider some helpful tips:

--Set the tone for the conversation right up front. Make it clear exactly what the group is attempting to accomplish. Say it early and often so that there is no confusion.

--When you ask questions, ask them of a specific person for a specific reason. Make sure you understand who is in the room and why he or she is there. One of the biggest mistakes that facilitators make is to throw a generic question out to no one in particular and then they wonder why they can't get the dialogue going.

--Be proactive. If someone says something that is especially provocative or controversial, ask someone else to comment on what has just been said. Your goal is to have the most honest, meaningful dialogue possible about an important but often unresolved issue. Shying away from sensitive but relevant subjects is a mistake. The more your audience sees that you are comfortable with straight talk, the more comfortable they will be.

--If a participant is going on too long and won't get off of their soapbox, move closer to that person. That's right, move away from the podium. As you move closer to the person, they'll begin to get the hint that it is time to wrap up. If they don't, politely but directly say something like, "Bob, we appreciate your points but how are they connected to the problem or issue we are here to talk about?"

--Paraphrase what you think you've just heard so you can avoid confusion and people walking out of the session in different directions. The facilitator's job is to clarify and focus everyone.

--Finally, great facilitators understand that they aren't really the stars or the focal point of the meeting or event. The facilitator's job is to draw others out. Therefore, great facilitators understand that they shouldn't be doing most of the talking. They should be asking succinct, open-ended but very direct questions.

Bottom line? Effective facilitators can have a tremendous impact on the productivity and success of an organization. But this doesn't happen by accident. Don't believe it? Think of the last work-related meeting you were in and how the facilitator handled it. Write to me at [email protected] with the details.

 

www.Stand-Deliver.com

06/05/2017

Lose the Jargon

By Steve Adubato, PhD

 

Most people use jargon in the world of business and aren’t even aware of it.  Consider one particularly irritating buzz phrase, “at the end of the day…I’m confident you will see our earnings turn around.”  At the end of what day?  What an odd expression.  Yet, I’ve heard it used by countless executives in every professional arena.  It is really nothing more than a stalling technique.  It’s a way to make what you are about to say seem more important than it really is. 

There are so many other examples of business jargon and buzzwords, not to mention acronyms that get in the way of effective and clear communication.  I’m guilty of using the expression, “paradigm.”  I learned it in graduate school.  The exact expression was “paradigm shift.”  I started using it, probably to make what I was about to say seem more important than it really was.  “Paradigm” simply means a big idea or a way of looking at things.  It has very little practical use in everyday business communication. 

And what about “best practices?”  That’s hot jargon these days.  I guess that means someone who is doing something really well who the rest of us should try to copy.  Other business jargon includes “connect the dots,” “functionality,” and a really irritating one called “strategic value proposition.”  The problem is that these expressions mean different things to different people, but no one wants to say that.  We act like we are in on some sort of secret society in the world of business that can’t simply use every day English for fear that we wouldn’t come off as smart as we think we are supposed to be. 

The irony is that the most effective communicators use simple, clear English to get their message across.  Clarity is their calling card.  You have very little doubt when a great communicator talks to you about what he or she really means.  The problem of jargon gets even worse in specialized areas of work.  Lawyers, doctors and especially accountants communicate in maddening jargon, while the rest of us are confused and frustrated.

If you or your colleagues are guilty of communicating through jargon more than you know you should, consider these suggestions:

--Always think about your audience.  If they weren’t sitting beside you in law school, medical school or in that finance or computer class, then assume they don’t know what you are talking about.  Speak for the other person and not yourself.

--Avoid using acronyms.  If you do use one, briefly explain what it means.  If not, your audience is left to figure it out while you are on to a different point.

--Find a shorter way to say things.  We just use too many words.  Instead of saying, “Your actions are an inappropriate response, which only cause me to feel I have to respond in kind.”  Try saying, “That’s really bothering me.  Can you stop it?” 

--Get out of your head the idea that jargon makes you sound smart or business savvy.  It doesn’t.  It creates communication barriers and obstacles and hurts your ability to build relationships and close deals. 

 

What jargon do you use and what are you going to do about it?  Write to Steve Adubato at [email protected].

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

05/05/2017

Leadership Lessons from JFK

By Steve Adubato, PhD

There is no better lesson in leadership when it comes to learning from failure than the 1961 fiasco known as the Bay of Pigs. It was clearly President John F. Kennedy’s most significant and embarrassing public failure as president. Many leaders would have found it impossible to recover from such a devastating defeat. It was a three-day battle that began on April 17, 1961. As our commander-in-chief, Kennedy made the fateful decision to take the advice of top military leaders and allow for approximately 1,500 "Cuban exiles," who were supported by American military training and equipment, to invade what was known as the Bay of Pigs in Cuba. American military personnel were also involved.

The plan was for them to gain the support of disillusioned Cubans who would join the effort to overthrow President Fidel Castro, except it didn’t work out that way. Castro’s forces of more than 20,000 military troops were waiting, and they captured and killed many of the invading force, including several Americans. America was publicly embarrassed and Castro scoffed at Kennedy, who immediately regretted his decision to invade.

Weeks after this debacle, Kennedy would tell reporter Hugh Sidey, for a Time magazine story on April 16, 2001, "I want to know how all this could have happened. There were 50 or so of us, presumably the most experienced and smartest people we could get, to plan such an operation. … But five minutes after it began to fall in, we all looked at each other and asked, ‘How could we have been so stupid?’… I guess you get walled off from reality when you want something to succeed too much."

But Kennedy was a quick learner and used the lessons from the Bay of Pigs to bring a peaceful resolution to the high-stakes Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. Some of those leadership lessons are just as relevant today for all of us:

  • After the Bay of Pigs, JFK would acknowledge that he did not challenge the military leaders around him who were convinced the mission would work. Leaders must aggressively challenge all advice or recommendations regardless of the source and assume the potential for the worst case scenario.
  • Historical accounts after the Bay of Pigs indicate that many in the Kennedy inner circle were opposed to invading Cuba, but kept silent. Great leaders create an environment where challenging them is encouraged and supported. If no one is playing "devil’s advocate," the risk of engaging in "group think" is dangerous and can lead to deadly consequences.
  • During the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962, several options for resolution were put on the table. In the Bay of Pigs, there was only one option — the invasion of Cuba. Kennedy clearly learned that it is essential for leaders to have multiple options for debate and discussion.
  • No matter how bad a mistake a leader makes, or whoever else was involved in the decision-making process, truly great leaders step up and own it.

According to Ralph Martin’s book, "A Hero for Our Time," after the Bay of Pigs debacle, Defense Secretary Robert McNamara recommended that responsibility be shared among many in the administration, saying; "We could have recommended against it and we didn’t." To which President Kennedy responded; "Absolutely not. I am the president. I could have decided otherwise. It is my responsibility."

More than half a century later, these leadership lessons are just as relevant. Great leaders accept full responsibility when things go wrong.

Who do YOU consider to be an exceptional leader?  Write to me at [email protected]

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

04/04/2017

Great Communicators Close the Loop

By Steve Adubato, PhD

I was recently talking with a colleague who manages a large number of direct reports with several supervisors in between him and those team members.  Even though those supervisors are technically the managers of these approximately 80 staff members, my colleague, we will call Jim, finds himself consumed by communicating and managing information, assignments and tasks with virtually all of these people on a regular basis. 

According to Jim; “It’s driving me crazy.  I feel like if I don’t proactively communicate and reach out to find out where we are on a particular project, things are getting stuck.”  When I asked Jim why the five managers he had in place weren’t playing a more active role in leading and managing the other team members, his frustration grew and he said; “I don’t know what it is.  They go only so far on a particular project and then they leave me hanging.  They don’t close the loop.”

When I asked what he meant by “closing the loop”, Jim said; “All I ask is that they keep me updated on the status of a particular task, even if it is not complete.  Just tell me where we are.  But instead, I find myself having to track things down.  All I want them to do is close the loop at the end of the day with an e-mail or a phone call.  But most just don’t do it.” 

As I thought about my conversation with Jim and his description of the need for us to “close the loop”, it hit me how pervasive this problem is.  Too many professionals at every level wait for their managers, clients and others to track them down and ask the question; “Where are you with XYZ project?”  Great communicators understand the need to be proactive.  They understand that most people on the other end are expecting you to proactively reach out and let them know where things stand without that person having to follow up with you. 

The simple concept of “closing the loop” is so significant, not just in terms of client service, but also for professionals who report to their managers and leaders of organizations.  Ask yourself the question, if you were the head of a department or division in a company with many people reporting to you dealing with numerous projects, would you rather chase down information about where things stand or have your team members proactively communicating with you about the status of those projects and the projected completion of them?  The answer is obvious. 

But in spite of this, too many people are too passive in their communication and wait to be asked, prodded, begged and sometimes pushed very hard by their boss to do what is essentially their job.  Simply put, keep your boss in the know.  Close the loop.  Doing this will reduce your boss’ anxiety level, will make you look good and, further, will allow the leader of your team to focus more on the bigger picture and decisions he or she needs to make rather than micromanaging the information flow.

Even if the project you are working on is not completed, or you are facing real challenges, close the loop by sending an e-mail or communicate via phone or in person to those who need to know about the situation.  This way, you can deal with the situation together.  So start closing the loop.  Your boss will appreciate it. 

How do you “close the loop” with your manager or team leader?  Write to me at [email protected] 

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

03/07/2017

You Can’t Lead Others

Until You Learn to Lead Yourself

By Steve Adubato, PhD

 

Losing it. Blowing your cool. Acting like a jerk in public. Playing the victim. Overreacting. Pouting, complaining, yelling. You get the picture. We’ve all been there. I know I have, way more often than I’d like to admit. And every time it happens, nothing good comes from it.

For years, I was convinced that the only way to lead an organization was to take the “broken-windows theory”, made popular by Rudy Giuliani and the New York City police department in the 1990s. Simply put, the broken-windows theory postulates that as soon as a window is broken, as soon as the smallest mistake occurs, the organization’s leader must follow a zero-tolerance approach and philosophy. Not following this approach sends the wrong message to everyone that such “small” mistakes are no big deal and then bigger ones are likely to follow. While this leadership philosophy may work when it comes to crime in America’s biggest and most metropolitan cities, in a small organization like mine, it sometimes resulted in my simply being too hard on team members, not only when things went wrong, but also when things just didn’t turn out right—even if it was nobody’s fault.

Sometimes, it would cause me to stop listening and be resistant to feedback. I would consider any explanation to be an excuse. Sure, we have high standards for the work we do, and we have a great track record, but there was a lot of unnecessary “collateral damage” in the process. The problem is that collateral damage involves real people and their emotions and feelings. We’re not talking about empty buildings or some broken windows. Please don’t confuse this with the need to “piss people off” as a leader when dealing with legitimate performance issues or making tough staff decisions by engaging in artful confrontation, a lesson offered by General Colin Powell, which I have written about previously in this space.

One of the keys to leading yourself, when the potential of being overly emotional exists, is to gain a better sense of perspective. Yet, this is sometimes really hard to do on our own. For me, the biggest lessons have come from reading and learning from others.

One of the biggest influences on me has been the work of the late Richard Carlson and his groundbreaking series, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.  One chapter that really struck me, which I have reread 100 times by now, is called, “Will It Matter a Year from Now?” In the chapter, Carlson talks about how angry and overly emotional we sometimes get about the “little things” that often happen in the world of business or in our everyday lives. He says that asking ourselves whether what has happened will matter all that much a year from now is a great way to put things in perspective before we respond and react to a particular situation.  This advice has made a huge difference in how often I “lose it” and the duration and intensity of these emotional blips.

The bottom line here is that leaders have no right to expect others to have a positive attitude, to deal with difficult circumstances or challenges, or to basically work in a collegial fashion if they too often “lose it” and do not lead themselves with a sense of calm and a “we’re all in this together” approach.

When have you “lost it” and what leadership lessons can you share with the rest of us? Write to me at [email protected]

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

02/02/2017

Getting the Wrong People off the Bus

By Steve Adubato, PhD

Letting someone go who either is not performing after continual coaching and training or has a negative attitude is not easy, but is something that must be done. I’m talking about people who do the bare minimum or won’t pitch in when the organization needs them, people who complain on a regular basis and create a negative environment by the way they conduct themselves.

Yet, often, in an effort to be compassionate, many leaders allow unproductive and negative employees to stay on the payroll—or the proverbial “bus” as Jim Collins describes in his book, Good to Great. Consider the message leaders send when they do this, not only to those unproductive people who stay, but to all those high producers and positive employees who are left picking up the slack and feeling resentful. The company is saying it doesn’t matter how hard you work or how much value you bring with your “what can I do to help our team succeed” attitude because there are no consequences for not getting the job done or continuing to be a “Debbie Downer” in the workplace.

Despite all of the reasons to let go of certain people, I have lost count of the number of clients who have delayed doing so, and have sometimes outright refused to confront this unacceptable situation directly. Explanations given by these leaders go well beyond some sense of compassion for a poorly performing employee. Some of these leaders have told me how long they have known or worked with a particular employee, or how they have socialized or become friendly with them.

For example, one leader told me about a manager who was leading an important department within his organization that he knew had been underperforming for years: “I’ve known Bob for over fifteen years. I’ve been to his family parties. We even went on a vacation cruise with our wives and a bunch of other people a few years ago. But he is absolutely terrible as a manager of this department.” When I pressed this leader about the impact of keeping Bob “on the bus,” his expression turned sour and he said, “He’s killing us and everyone knows it! My board is not happy with me. They don’t know why I haven’t let him go. What’s worse is that Bob has really poor people skills.” This client has yet to confront the “Bob situation” head-on.

I am not advocating that leaders indiscriminately look for people to fire. This isn’t about demonstrating how tough you are for the sake of it, rather this is about doing what is difficult but necessary—getting rid of the people in your organization who are not contributing to the team’s success. It has nothing to do with their being bad people. In fact, many times, poor performers can be really nice and pleasant. But nice and pleasant are not qualities that warrant a valuable seat on the “good to great” bus you are supposed to be driving as a leader of your organization.

Taking a hard look at unproductive or negative team players, coaching and mentoring them to improve and, if they don’t, ultimately letting them go, is what all good leaders must do. Anything less shows weakness, promotes mediocrity, and demoralizes the best people on your team while having a seriously negative impact on your organization’s bottom line.

When have you had to let someone “off the bus” and what leadership lesson did you learn?  Write to me at [email protected]

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

01/04/2017

Great Leaders Never Abandon the Ship

By Steve Adubato, PhD

One of the most important Lessons in Leadership is the need for leaders to step up and be accountable when things go wrong. No excuses, no caveats, no finger pointing. Yet, it’s so rare these days—be it in politics, business, sports, or any professional arena—to see leaders truly taking responsibility. So what lessons can be learned from such leadership shortcomings? Consider the case of the Costa Concordia and the tragic events that occurred on January 13, 2012 when the captain of this massive cruise liner fled, leaving his passengers aboard the sinking ship to fend for themselves.

The biggest Lesson in Leadership here is the most obvious one; a captain—in this case Captain Francesco Schettino—should never abandon his ship. The same lesson is true for leaders of any organization. When something goes seriously wrong and you are at the helm, you don’t turn your back on the people who depend on you—whether they are your employees or most valued stakeholders. Instead, great leaders must remember the following:

--Be prepared, because something inevitably will go wrong. While you can’t think of every conceivable scenario where a disaster or crisis could occur, it is important to consistently identify the most likely issues and develop realistic and practical plans to deal with them. A leader’s job is to ensure that while all precautions are taken, the preparation for a crisis never stops.

--Great leadership is required throughout a team. Even in the best circumstances, no one leader can do it alone. He or she needs others to help execute in a crisis. Develop “situational” leaders positioned to do what needs to be done in case of a crisis or emergency.

--Never underestimate how bad a situation is by engaging in wishful thinking. Great leaders always consider the worst-case scenario when something goes wrong. It’s not a matter of being negative or pessimistic, but rather of asking yourself, “If the worst happens, what do I and my team need to do?” Further, I’m not advocating that you talk to people in a fashion that produces hysteria and panic, however, leaders must show a degree of candor and communicate the severity of the situation and the need to be calm and deliberate in your actions.

--Great leaders don’t panic. They have a sense of calm, even in the most dangerous and perilous situation. We saw it during 9/11 with the crew and passengers of Flight 93 that crashed into a field in rural Pennsylvania. We saw it with Captain Chesley Sullenberger, known as “Sully,” the pilot of the US Airways plane that landed in the Hudson River. His calm demeanor had a direct impact on the demeanor of others around him. Conversely, when a leader panics, it is inevitable that he or she will induce panic in others.

So the next time something goes wrong when you are in charge, remember, great leaders step up and take responsibility. Anything less is unacceptable and only makes a difficult situation worse.

What leadership lesson did you learn when you took responsibility when things went wrong?  Write to me at [email protected]

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

12/19/2016

Leadership and The Godfather: A Lesson You Can’t Refuse

By Steve Adubato, PhD

Like so many fans of The Godfather movies (I and II, but definitely not III), I find myself quoting Francis Ford Coppola’s cinematic masterpiece in numerous situations. In fact, I have often said many of the challenges I have faced as a leader can be looked at or put in context by scenes or quotations from The Godfather. I explore these lessons in my new book, Lessons in Leadership. Here are a few:

-- “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” Many leaders, whether the head of a large corporation, a baseball coach, or a hospital CEO, gravitate almost exclusively to people we get along with and like. It’s natural. It’s human nature. Yet, in The Godfather, Don Vito offers valuable leadership insight by reminding us to never assume that our “friends” or those we simply like will stay loyal or supportive.  Further, there are times when it is essential for leaders to stay connected to their so-called enemies. By engaging them and interacting with them, we have the potential to neutralize their animosity toward us by finding common ground and areas of agreement or mutual interest. In addition, in a constantly changing world where mergers and acquisitions are the norm and not the exception, your so-called enemy today may very easily wind up being someone (because of market forces) you are forced to be friends or colleagues with tomorrow.

-- “Never tell anyone outside the family what you’re thinking.” This is what Don Vito told his outspoken and often volatile son, Sonny Corleone, who had a habit of saying whatever came to mind in meetings with other organized crime families and associates. It’s an important lesson about leaders having discretion, being disciplined, holding their tongue at critical moments in meetings and public situations, and not simply blurting out whatever they are thinking. Now, I’m not advocating that leaders never put their cards on the table or speak candidly and openly with others. The key here is that leaders can be candid, direct, and honest while remaining disciplined, diplomatic, and selective in how they share information.

-- “You’re not a wartime consigliere.” This quote is about Tom Hagen, Sonny Corleone’s stepbrother, at a critical moment in The Godfather as it becomes clear the Corleone family is about to engage in a violent war with other organized crime factions. Under these conditions, Sonny (the de facto leader of the Corleone family at this point) concluded that the situation required a different type of advisor: a “wartime consigliere.” While Tom had been a loyal soldier and a smart advisor, he lacked both the skill and the temperament to effectively perform in this role. Sometimes, difficult decisions must be made regarding whom to put in certain positions and whom to remove in order for the organization to succeed. The well-rounded leader understands that loyalty and dedication – while extremely important – are not the totality of what is required in certain positions at certain times.  Rather, skills involving strategic thinking, temperament, personality and a range of other factors are highly relevant and must be considered.

So, while The Godfather is largely about illegal criminal activities that are clearly deplorable, it also shares relevant Lessons in Leadership about family, loyalty, business, competition, and how human beings interact and deal with each other in difficult, challenging and complex situations.

NOW… YOUR TURN: For Godfather fans, what was the most powerful “leadership lesson” you took from this epic cinematic masterpiece and why? Write to me at [email protected].

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

10/19/2016

Leadership: It’s Personal

By Steve Adubato PhD

As leaders, it’s important to proactively and consistently connect with others on a personal and human level, not only as employees or as paying customers, but as people who are a big part of our success.  Consider the following actions you can take to have a more personal connection with those around you:

-- Be aware of the “big things” going on in the lives of others. An employee may be dealing with a personal situation that is challenging and very difficult such as an illness in the family or the loss of a loved one. Or, on a happier note, an employee might be especially proud of his or her child performing in an important play or recital.  As leaders, we must be aware, sensitive, and empathetic when it comes to these personal circumstances.  For example, be sensitive to the workload you assign to your employee during this particular time or if extra time off is needed, don’t hesitate to give it.  Further, when something special happens for a colleague or client, place a call, send an email or a congratulatory note.

--Support and encourage team members to reach their professional potential. For example, you might encourage your colleagues, peers, or direct reports to pursue a particular academic or professional degree, attend a leadership development seminar, or participate in executive coaching to improve skills.  Further, take the time to find out what is standing in their way, what obstacles and challenges they are facing, and whether any of these obstacles have to do with time constraints arising from their workload.  Great leaders understand the value of making a personal investment in their people.  The payoff for both parties can be huge.

-- Find common ground with clients and stakeholders. Often, a leader’s job is to make sure he or she develops the appropriate personal relationships with key stakeholders who have a direct impact on the organization’s success. This often means spending time with these stakeholders in a variety of settings outside the workplace. Some of the most meaningful relationship building a leader can do is over a breakfast, lunch, or dinner meeting, as this informal setting often helps others feel especially comfortable.

The point is, really good leaders understand that leadership is often very personal. It’s about relationships and interacting with other people on a very human level. Leaders who don’t make this connection on a human and personal level, no matter how smart they are or think they are, will never truly succeed.

NOW… YOUR TURN: As a leader, what steps have YOU taken to establish a personal connection with your employees, clients, or stakeholders? Write to me at [email protected].

 

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

08/17/2016

Big Shoes to Fill: Effective Succession Planning

By Steve Adubato, PhD

 

Every organization—whether it’s a large corporation, a family-run business, or a small mom-and-pop shop—must have a strong plan of succession and a short list of potential leaders ready to step up and take charge when the current boss steps aside or is forced out for health or other reasons. Yet, we find more and more, even in the most sophisticated and visible companies, no realistic and practical succession plan exists. It’s easy to talk a good game when it comes to planning for who will lead the future of an organization, but actually doing it is a different story. With this in mind, consider the following leadership lessons when it comes to effective succession planning:

-- Remember that CEO succession planning is not a single-person event. When organizations take on succession planning, they often focus on the CEO role and neglect to focus on other positions as well. However, really smart leaders tie succession planning to larger leadership development efforts and recognize how critical it is to identify not only who will succeed the CEO but who the future leaders of the organization working alongside his or her successor will be. The best succession planning involves a constant assembly and reassembly of a leadership puzzle with many pieces.

-- Even when great internal candidates exist, continue to look outside for other prospective candidates. This approach helps to ensure all of the best candidates for the job are considered. Once the succession-planning team has identified the key candidates outside of the organization, the next step is to then compare these candidates with the best players internally, evaluating each candidate on the skills and experience criteria needed to lead the organization forward.

-- Don’t keep succession plans a secret. Be up front. Really confident and secure leaders should have the ability and willingness to talk openly about their succession. It shouldn’t be embarrassing. In fact, when you decide that you will be stepping aside, you should say so. Make it clear how the process will work and who will be involved in the succession planning effort. Conversely, if you don’t do this, then ask yourself, who and what will fill up the vacuum when it comes to information? How about the rumor mill?  Efforts to foster transparency will go a long way in combating any perception of a hidden agenda and will, in turn, reassure your people that you are considering their needs as well as the needs of the overall organization.

Succession planning is a complex and complicated process, and it takes a special kind of leader to play an integral and valuable role in his or her succession. Yet, it is doable and the payoff is lasting and significant on many levels.

What specific steps do YOU think are critical for effective succession planning? Write to Steve Adubato at [email protected].

email: [email protected]    @SteveAdubato    @SteveAdubatoPhD   www.Stand-Deliver.com

07/13/2016

It’s a Matter of Trust

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D. 

It’s hard enough to lead successfully when times are good, but when times get challenging or uncertain, a leader will find it much harder to succeed and get team members to stay on board and remain loyal if he or she has not established trust. Yet, trust is a very complex thing. It’s so hard to achieve but so easy to lose, and once you lose it, it seems so hard to get it back. But how exactly do leaders lose the trust of people around them? Consider a few ways, which all of us as leaders should avoid: 

--Throwing a team member under the bus. One of the quickest ways for a leader to lose trust is to decide he or she is going to blame someone on the team instead of stepping up when things go wrong. Conversely, one of the most important things a leader can do is be accountable, be responsible, take the hit, stand up to the firestorm, and own it—all of it. No excuses, no caveats, no finger pointing, and no scapegoating. 

--Refusing to share credit. Too many leaders think, because they hold the top position in the organization, it is their job to have their name on every report and their right to get credit for everything within the organization. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Often, when leaders refuse to spread credit around they lose the trust of their team members who have no desire to see such a leader succeed, because clearly he or she has no interest in the success of anyone else. Smart leaders know that other people want to be recognized in the same way that they do and share the credit.

--Failing to be upfront and avoiding difficult conversations. Because circumstances can change so rapidly in our organizations and in life, an important lesson in leadership is to confront these difficult conversations directly. Avoiding them only guarantees a build-up of distrust and resentment. Truly great leaders understand that having these difficult conversations, as painful as they may be, increases the odds of maintaining trust even if their people aren’t happy with them or with how things turn out. 

--Refusing to listen and being stubborn about your point of view. Want to lose the trust of your people? Then insist that you are right all of the time. Some of the worst leaders confuse stubbornness with being principled. If you want to lose the trust of the people around you, make sure your ideas are the only ones being heard—not listening to your team and their ideas will do the trick.

When it comes to maintaining trust, what leadership pitfalls do YOU think leaders should avoid? Write to me at [email protected].

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Steve Adubato, PhD, is an Emmy Award-winning Thirteen/WNET (PBS) and NJTV (PBS) anchor and bestselling author who has served as a distinguished visiting professor at New York University, the New Jersey Institute of Technology, Seton Hall University and the United States Military Academy at West Point. Adubato has also appeared as a media and political analyst on NBC’s Today Show, Fox and CNN as well as on NPR, AM970 and 77WABC.  His company, Stand & Deliver, offers leadership workshops and executive coaching for professionals in a variety of arenas.

07/07/2016

Leadership Lesson… Judgment Matters… A Lot!

The Case of Hillary Clinton’s Emails

 

By Steve Adubato, PhD

 

With my newest book, Lessons in Leadership, coming out next month, which includes a major section on the “leadership” styles of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, I thought it would be very appropriate to offer this perspective on yesterday’s historic announcement by FBI Director James Comey that the FBI is not recommending for criminal charges to be brought against former Secretary of State and Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton for using a private email server. Make no mistake, avoiding criminal prosecution because the FBI Director believes it would be a tough case to prosecute or because he believes it wasn’t Hillary Clinton’s intent to do anything illegal is not my focus here. Nor was it the reason I heaped tremendous criticism on her in my book, Lessons in Leadership. Rather, it is because of Hillary Clinton’s appalling lack of judgment in this email scandal. First, she kept insisting that she never sent or communicated any classified emails. That’s simply not true. According to FBI Director Comey, over 100 emails were found to include classified information. Further, for the longest time, Hillary Clinton insisted she was simply following the rules or procedures for a federal official. Also, not the case.

Yet, the worst leadership failure for Mrs. Clinton, from my perspective, is that you don’t have to be tech savvy to know having a private email server in your home in Westchester County while Secretary of State clearly sends the message that you’re trying to hide something. She knew that. She had to be warned of it, but she never chose to fix it – to get it right or to acknowledge the mistake. And as of this moment, she has not apologized for any of this. Rather, she’s tried to point to other respected national leaders like Colin Powell saying he once did something similar. Again, not the case, and regardless it’s totally irrelevant to what Hillary Clinton did or didn’t do. To make matters worse, she campaigned at a rally with President Obama in North Carolina as if hours before the FBI Director for our country hadn’t said she did horrific things with top secret information while secretary of state.

So, while I agree with Mrs. Clinton that Donald Trump lacks the temperament as well as the emotional maturity and intelligence to be the leader of our nation, I also seriously question Mrs. Clinton’s leadership abilities when it comes to knowing the difference between right and wrong.  And, when you’ve done something wrong, ultimately, having the humility and character to quickly own it and apologize for it instead of spinning and playing the game of deflection and distraction. So no, Hillary Clinton isn’t being brought up on charges by the FBI and likely will not be brought up on charges by the Department of Justice. However, it is important to never confuse that decision with a clean bill of health when it comes to the leadership it takes to be President of the United States. Once again, a graphic and very painful lesson in how NOT to lead, offered by one of our two candidates for the highest office in the land. Some choice huh? 

NOW… YOUR TURN: Clearly I've expressed my thoughts about Hillary Clinton's shortcomings in this email fiasco as a leader and our potential future president. More importantly, what are your thoughts, particularly, on how she has handled this whole email mess? Write to me at [email protected].

06/08/2016

Trump Once Again Refuses to Apologize… Another Lesson in How Not to Lead

By Steve Adubato Ph.D.

 

Once again Donald Trump offers a classic "Lesson in Leadership" on how not to lead. Trump continually says and does things that make it clear he lacks the temperament, demeanor and the emotional intelligence to lead this country. Now, I’m not comparing him to Hillary Clinton who clearly is challenged when it comes to the need to be truthful and honest about her own mistakes, particularly regarding the use of a private email server when she was Secretary of State. Rather, I’m talking about comparing Trump to any reasonable standard of decent human conduct for a person in a position of leadership and responsibility.

In this latest example, Trump is aggressively trying to make the case that a sitting Federal Judge named Gonzalo Curiel should recuse himself from hearing the Trump University case – a suit which has been brought against Trump for allegedly running a scam that fleeced people out of their money while offering no real educational value. The reason Trump argues Judge Curiel should not hear this case is simply because the Judge’s parents are Mexican and, as Trump keeps saying, his proposal to “build a wall” on the Mexico border somehow conflicts the Judge. What Trump ignores is the fact that Judge Curiel was born in Indiana and is a bonafide American citizen just as much as Trump is. Further, Trump argues that a judge with Muslim heritage – even if he or she is an American citizen – would be biased against him as well.

His logic isn’t just flawed, it is downright un-American. It’s also racist and bigoted. Further, when you look at his temperament and demeanor as a potential leader of this country, consider that he is taking a private business matter and playing it out in the media as a candidate for President of the United States, even though this case has no bearing on the lives of millions of people (many of whom are looking to Trump for a reason to have hope – not for him to settle personal vendettas.)  It’s pathetic.

Trump is actually saying that a judge shouldn’t hear a case simply because of his or her ethnicity – even though this particular judge has received nothing but praise while on the bench. Think about that. By those standards a female judge shouldn’t hear any case involving a female defendant. What about Italian American judges? Should they not hear a case involving a defendant accused of Mafia activities because, of course, that judge would be inclined to be lenient on the defendant? Drawing that conclusion is crazy and either Trump knows it and makes his outrageous comments any way or he is so dense and ignorant that he doesn’t recognize the error of his ways. I don’t know which is worse, but either way, what is particularly scary on the question of leadership is that even though he’s been roundly criticized from every circle – including conservative Republicans who endorsed him like Newt Gingrich, Paul Ryan (who said this is “the textbook definition of a racist comment”) and Mitch McConnell – none of the backlash matters to Trump.

Bloomberg News has reported that Trump even insisted his staff and surrogates double down and go after Judge Curiel as well as any reporters who challenge them on the Curiel issue and told them to ignore any advice about backing down or changing course. So here’s the leadership problem… even if Trump is dead wrong, even if all of the evidence makes it crystal clear that he made a terrible mistake, Donald Trump says; “Screw you. I’m staying the course. I’m sticking to my guns because I don’t apologize!” Some people call that being strong or not being “PC.” I call it simply being arrogant and stubborn. I call it the height of hubris.

Could you imagine if he were president making mistake after mistake, yet choosing to stay the course – even when it was abundantly clear the course was wrong and that bad things would happen by continuing to move forward – all just because; “Donald Trump doesn’t apologize.” Truly exceptional leaders admit their mistakes and learn from them so they don’t make the same mistakes again.

Like I said, I’m not a fan of Hillary Clinton’s and she has real problems when it comes to recognizing the truth and she would be a very flawed leader, but this situation with Donald Trump is a very different story. This is no isolated incident. Trump has been refusing to apologize for his mistakes for almost a year. In fact, he did it when he accused President Barack Obama of not being a citizen. Even after the President produced his birth certificate, Trump still refused to say he was wrong. We’re talking about something very dangerous and scary. It’s a pattern. It’s a character flaw. It’s a real leadership deficit to say the least. A lesson in leadership? Absolutely.  Donald Trump offers the most graphic lesson of everything you DON’T want in a leader.

NOW... YOUR TURN: As a leader… how do you think Trump has handled the Curiel issue? Write to me at [email protected]. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Steve Adubato, PhD, is an Emmy Award-winning Thirteen/WNET (PBS) and NJTV (PBS) anchor and bestselling author who has served as a distinguished visiting professor at New York University, the New Jersey Institute of Technology, Seton Hall University and the United States Military Academy at West Point. Adubato has also appeared as a media and political analyst on NBC’s Today Show, Fox and CNN as well as on NPR, AM970 and 77WABC.  His company, Stand & Deliver, offers leadership workshops and executive coaching for professionals in a variety of arenas.

06/01/2016

Knowing the Pulse of Your Team

By Steve Adubato Ph.D.

There is no exact science to the art of leadership. People are moved and motivated by all kinds of people, events, and circumstances. So how do you keep people happy and productive, and how much of that has to do with great leadership and truly getting to know your team? Here are some tangible tips and tools that belong in your leadership tool kit:

--Take the time to check in with your people and find out how they are feeling about what they are doing. The more input team members have into the way they do their job and the more they have the opportunity to share with you their own ideas and needs, the more motivated they are likely to be. For example, seek out your employees’ thoughts on finding a new way of doing old tasks.  Ask, “what exactly would you change to get job X done in a more efficient or effective manner?”

--Go out of your way to catch employees doing something right. This often doesn’t come naturally to managers. As leaders, it is so easy to be blinded by people falling short or not meeting our expectations that we miss when they get it right. Look for employees’ successes and when you find them, immediately let the employee know exactly how much you personally appreciate it and how the organization benefits from their efforts.

--Establish trust among team members by creating opportunities to build personal relationships with each other. You can’t force team members to like each other or to be friends, nor should you even try. But truly getting to know your people will also present the potential to put them in situations where they can interact, connect, and find common ground with their colleagues. Often, in a way they wouldn’t be able to do if you as a leader weren’t aware enough to create such a positive and collaborative environment.

--Share the spotlight by encouraging team members to voice their opinions. Allow team members to make presentations both internally and externally; in fact, don’t only allow it, but encourage it, report it, and reward it. Just because you may be the official leader of a team doesn’t mean you should be doing all the talking. In fact, when you do this you send the message to your team that you believe you are the only one that has something to say. Plus, you lose touch with team members because they’re convinced you have no confidence in them and their abilities.

--Don’t make every decision. Rather, challenge team members to find the solution on their own with difficult problems and questions. Your objective is not only to get them to think for themselves but also to have them identify options and alternatives that you as a leader may not have thought of. In the process you will not only engage team members and motivate them, you will also get to know them better—including the way they think or don’t think about strategic issues and decision making.

What specific steps do YOU take to monitor the pulse of your team? Write to me at [email protected].

Follow Steve on Twitter @SteveAdubato and Facebook @SteveAdubatoPhD.

05/09/2016

Great Leaders Deliver Powerful Presentations

By Steve Adubato, PhD

Being able to present in a competent and compelling fashion is critical in order to be a well-rounded, highly effective leader who motivates, persuades and energizes others. Yet, many leaders have a massive gap in their professional toolkit when it comes to the ability to present with confidence. The next time you are preparing to make an important presentation ask yourself the following questions that can help:

--What is your main message? If your audience forgets everything else you say, what’s the one thing you want to make sure they remember? You can’t have three or four main messages. Most people can barely remember one. Edit yourself. Be disciplined. Set time aside—I suggest with key support staff—to consider possible messages and debate them back and forth. Then make sure everything you say in your presentation supports your main message.

--What will move, motivate, and inspire your audience? What does your audience feel passionately about? What will get them to act? Before you present, engage several people who will be in your audience and ask them these questions. This point of view will help you prepare and deliver a presentation that will have the maximum impact for your audience.

--Where is YOUR passion? How do you really feel about the message you’re delivering? Great leaders must be genuinely passionate about what they are saying and why they are saying it. If an audience recognizes you really believe what you are saying, they are likely to be more receptive to your message, even if they don’t agree with everything you say.

--Why not the status quo? If you are proposing a new program or initiative, or anything that alters the status quo, you must understand that change is often challenging and unnatural for people. Therefore, it is important to explain why the status quo won’t work. Make the case by using graphics and relevant examples of what is likely to happen if the present course of action is maintained.

--What is the payoff? To create buy in, you must also paint a positive picture of the good things that are likely to occur by investing the time and effort needed to accomplish what you are advocating in your presentation. Deliver specifics with concrete benefits.

--What is the call to action? Don’t leave your audience hanging. Be clear and be specific regarding exactly what the next steps are and what you want them to do. This will help avoid confusion and instead, provide direction and focus.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What specific steps do YOU think are key to preparing and delivering a powerful presentation? Write to Steve Adubato at [email protected].

04/25/2016

The Keys to Leading Successful Integration

By Steve Adubato PhD

Maintaining the status quo is rarely an option for leaders these days. Mergers, acquisitions and strategic alliances are all more common than ever.  Effective leaders understand there are times when these integration efforts are the only way for their organizations to thrive, much less survive. Yet, leading such a change is no easy feat.  Consider the following leadership lessons that can help:

--Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t have that answer yet.” Sometimes leaders confuse being candid with making up a specific response when they don’t even have one. The irony is that candor and honesty sometimes calls for the leader to say, “At this point, we haven’t resolved that issue, but as soon as we do, we will hold a public forum, announce it, and have an open discussion with all of you.”

--Assign one of your top people to handle the day-to-day operational details. As the leader driving the integration effort, never assume you will be able to handle the day-to-day minutia and still keep your eye on the big picture. Rather, pick one of your best operational “get it done” people for that role, with a direct line to you, and ensure he or she gives you regular updates on where things stand.

--Draft players based on skill set and merit when building your new team. Avoid putting people in key leadership positions based on politics and “horse trading.” These leaders are often miscast and do not perform particularly well. Instead, look at your talent pool in both organizations from the beginning of the integration process and put the best people in the right seats on the bus based purely on qualifications and skill set.

--Acknowledge that two very different organizational cultures are being asked to come together.  This is, in many ways, unnatural. Smart leaders decide to establish one “new culture” that blends the best of what each team brings to the table and start to foster that culture from day one—not just in words, but also in deeds. The leader’s actions must reflect this new culture in meetings, in decisions, as well as in the way the organization is branded internally and externally.

--Hold very open and public forums. Give employees the opportunity to ask questions on any topic related to the merger, acquisition, or integration. This helps cut down on the spread of gossip and misinformation. Further, the more you are seen as up front and out front, talking openly, honestly, and with confidence about these changes—even when you don’t have all of the answers—the more the people within the organization will sense that there is nothing to hide. In turn, this will help build the kind of trust necessary to move forward.

What do YOU think is the key to leading a successful integration? Write to me at [email protected].

Read more Lessons in Leadership at www.Stand-Deliver.com.

Follow Steve on Twitter @SteveAdubato and Facebook @SteveAdubatoPhD.

04/07/2016

In Leadership (and in Life), Attitude is Everything

By Steve Adubato, PhD

In a chapter from my newest book Lessons in Leadership, which will be released in September 2016, I share the stories of three very special people who faced very difficult and challenging circumstances. Yet, each of these extraordinary people chose to rise above their individual obstacle and made not only the best of the situation but, in fact, turned it into a positive.

One of these leaders is Eric LeGrand, former Rutgers University football standout, who was paralyzed after a devastating hit on the football field in 2010. For many, it’s inconceivable that in the blink of an eye, a strapping, strong, fit, and extremely young athlete would go from the top of his game to being paralyzed in a wheelchair. But here’s the thing about attitude. It can help you do things that otherwise seem improbable, if not impossible.

In my recent public television interview with Eric LeGrand, broadcast on PBS as well as on FiOS1, we discuss his positive "can do" attitude as well as the biggest Lesson in Leadership he has learned.  Click here to watch a clip.

NOW... YOUR TURN: It would be great if you could take a moment to share an inspiring story about a time you or someone you know has used the power of having a positive "can do" attitude to overcome a difficult situation or challenge. That's real leadership.

Write to me at [email protected].

Follow Steve on Twitter @SteveAdubato and Facebook @SteveAdubatoPhD.

To watch the special half-hour edition of One-on-One featuring inspirational leader, Eric LeGrand, click here.

03/03/2016

Are You Asking the Right Questions?

By Steve Adubato, PhD

Often great leadership comes down to asking great questions. When things go wrong in our organizations, some of us ask questions like “Who screwed this up?” or “What could you possibly have been thinking when you did that?” To be clear, I’m a big advocate of confronting situations head-on —dealing with things before they get worse. How leaders go about confronting is key to what happens next and, ultimately, how difficult situations are resolved—or not. Why not be a leader who sees every situation or circumstance as an opportunity to learn not only what happened but why it happened and who tries to understand what the best options are in order to move forward in a positive way. Following are a few tips for asking really good questions that should prove helpful:

--Make sure your questions are clear and easy to understand. Sounds simple, right? Then why is it that too often, people will ask a question and you have no idea what they want to find out? Before you ask a question, make sure you know why you are asking it – consider the information you are seeking – and then be clear and concise.

--Direct your questions to a particular person. You are more likely to get a direct response. Questions asked of a particular person are more effective than simply asking a generic question of an entire group. Often, when questions are asked of an entire group, people are reluctant to be the first to speak up. Also, it makes it easier for audience members to hide and not participate.

--Ask one question at a time. Don’t you hate those multi-part questions? How do you know which part you are supposed to answer first? Do you ever find that you can’t remember what the first part was? Ask one question, on one subject, to one person and you’ll get better results.

--Follow up on a previous question that has been answered. Something like, “Jane, how does your answer compare with what Jim said on this subject earlier in the meeting?” Another effective follow-up is a short encouraging comment after someone has responded to an initial question, like “How so?” or “For example . . . ?”

--Don’t be unnecessarily combative, unless you have a good reason for doing so. Avoid questions like “Why is it that you never seem to get it right, Bob?” If you are looking to scare the heck out of Bob or let him know he is about to be fired, you’ve succeeded. Questions like this can cause real problems.

So the next time someone makes a comment that rubs you the wrong way, or something gets screwed up—which it inevitably will—fight the urge to ask a combative, negative, and judging question like “What’s wrong with you?” or “How could you say that?” Go in a different, more constructive direction in an effort to learn more and ask “Tell me, why do you see it that way?” or “What can I do to move things forward?” You will be amazed at the reaction you get using this simple but powerful leadership, and frankly human, approach that revolves, not around answers, but once again around asking the right questions, in the right way, for the right reasons.

When have YOU used specific questions to improve your interactions with team members? Write to me at [email protected].

Read more Lessons in Leadership at www.Stand-Deliver.com.

Follow Steve on Twitter @SteveAdubato and Facebook @SteveAdubatoPhD.

02/12/2016

Cam Newton… Poor Loser… Worse Leader!

By Steve Adubato PhD

 

 

Being a winner is easy, losing is hard. Sounds simple, right? But when it comes to leadership nothing could be more difficult to deal with than coming up on the short end. Whether it’s in politics, business or sports, how you deal with defeat, in many ways, demonstrates the kind of leader you really are.

Consider New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who decided to drop out of the presidential race after the New Hampshire primary and, in doing so, spoke with candor and deep emotion not only to his disappointed supporters but to the state of New Jersey and the nation. He acknowledged that he didn’t connect in the way he wanted and needed to. He owned the defeat, stood in front of the cameras and did what he had to do. All of us who have lost or been defeated have had to do the same thing. I know I have – on more occasions than I’d like to admit or acknowledge.

Now, take the case of Carolina Panthers Quarterback Cam Newton – one of the most talented athletes ever to step foot on the football field. He is clearly the Most Valuable Player in the NFL but when it came to stepping up and being a true leader after the Panthers lost to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl, Cam Newton came up woefully short. Of course he was disappointed...He was sad…He was hurt...He was embarrassed. Like I said, we’ve all been there – even if the stakes weren’t as high as they are with the Super Bowl – but there was Cam Newton wearing a hoodie, with his face barely shown, giving grumpy one or two word answers to the media in his post-Super Bowl press conference. It was visible he was getting increasingly agitated until, finally, after just a few minutes, without any warning he got up and walked out.  That was it. He had had enough.

His explanation was that he doesn’t consider himself a particularly “good loser.” Yet, what Cam Newton didn’t understand was that his pathetic post-Super Bowl performance had nothing to do with being a good or bad loser and everything to do with being a poor leader. A real leader would step up and face the music. He would answer the questions and be there for his teammates, for his fans and for the state he has represented so proudly since joining the team. What we ultimately found out about Cam Newton is that he looks like a great leader after he scores a touchdown, poses in the end zone and gives the football to a little kid. Everyone praises him for doing these great things and he deserves all that praise. However, the measure of a true leader is how he or she deals with things when they don’t go so well. The times Cam Newton doesn’t have a reason to flash his million dollar smile in a post-game press conference. That’s where real leaders are made or broken and Cam Newton showed that ultimately he is a sulking, thin-skinned and shaky leader who you can’t count on when the chips are down. This has nothing to do with football and everything to do with leadership and life.

Me? I want a leader who isn’t only confident and strong when everything is going well. I want a leader who stands tall, faces the heat and makes his teammates and everyone around him feel just a little bit better in the face of defeat.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What do you think? Am I being fair to Cam Newton on his post-Super Bowl lack of leadership or do you think the way he handled himself is just fine? Write to me at [email protected].

Read more Lessons in Leadership at www.Stand-Deliver.com.

Follow Steve on Twitter @SteveAdubato and Facebook @SteveAdubatoPhD.

02/02/2016

Think You Know It All? Think Again.

By Steve Adubato PhD

One of the characteristics of a great leader is making a commitment to being a lifelong learner. Growth is a conscious decision.  Exceptional leaders decide they want to grow and learn.  They want to understand different ways to be more effective at their craft. Following are practical tips that will help you develop as a leader and learn something new every day:

--Decide to see each failure or loss as an opportunity to learn. When things don’t work out as planned, great leaders ask; “What exactly went wrong?” “What could or should I, as a leader, have done that could have created a different outcome?” and; “What can I learn from this experience that will change the way we deal with similar situations in the future?” Taking this “learning” attitude and approach can’t help but improve your leadership and create better results for your team.

--Never stop reading. Especially, about leadership challenges and important leadership topics such as how to improve the way you lead your meetings, how to deal with difficult conversations, or how to negotiate with a challenging adversary. Create a “leadership library” of resource material that you can constantly refer to when looking for a different perspective on dealing with challenging leadership situations.

--Seek out mentors. It would be great if more experienced leaders just organically or naturally found you and offered their help. But it doesn’t always work that way. Instead, proactively identify individuals who you believe have insight and perspectives that would be beneficial to you as a leader but, more importantly, who care enough about you and your career to invest the time and effort in helping you grow. Take their advice and never take them for granted.

--Host forums and invite experts who have a different perspective on important industry issues and topics. Don’t just set them up for your team. Attend them. You and your people will learn by doing this and it will also send a powerful message to your team members that you believe learning is essential, not just for them, but for you as well even though you hold a higher position in the organization.

--Ask other leaders about their most significant leadership lesson as well as the most difficult challenge they have faced. I’ve been doing this and have gotten responses from over 200 leaders over the past year. As a leader, you don’t have to be writing a book about leadership or be an anchor on public television to do this. You can do it on your own. Ask a select group of smart leaders who you know and trust and you will be surprised at the candor and insight that you get back. I guarantee you will receive important leadership lessons in the process.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What specific steps are YOU taking to grow and develop as a leader? Write to me at [email protected].

Read more Lessons in Leadership at www.Stand-Deliver.com.

Follow Steve on Twitter @SteveAdubato and Facebook @SteveAdubatoPhD.

01/06/2016

Change is the Only Constant

By Steve Adubato, PhD

We all know intellectually that change is inevitable, but we sometimes resist or fight it as if this were a real option. Yet, the great leaders EMBRACE change. They understand that while it may be scary and unnerving, change also offers opportunities to challenge yourself and your team to be more creative, flexible and strategic. So stop fighting change and consider the following keys to leading it:

--Accentuate the positives… but don’t act as if there won’t be challenges. People know that’s simply not true. Being honest and having a positive “we can do this” attitude about those challenges is key because a leader of change must be credible. Even when a change is challenging, many team members will “buy in” if they believe in YOU as a leader. The messenger is often at least as important as the message about change.

--Explain WHY the change is taking place. Don’t be the leader that tries to direct people to change by telling them “just do it” or “because I said so.” The key is to make it clear that the status quo is actually more dangerous and risky than the change itself. Until that’s done, people have little or no motivation to “buy in” to the process.

--Remain flexible and open to feedback regarding different approaches to implementing change. There is nothing worse than leaders who are rigid and closed minded about anything other than their own ideas.

--Create an open environment conducive to an honest dialogue, even if feedback is difficult to hear. Allow team members to comment on any aspect of the change without fear of reprisal or retribution. Open dialogue can be created in forums, employee meetings, interactive e-mail or a one-on-one with the team leader.

--Celebrate and recognize any success or accomplishment associated with the change effort, no matter how small. People need to see progress in order to “buy in” to the change. Everyone wants to be part of a winning team.

--As a leader, never forget that real change about real problems and issues is a marathon not a sprint. Often, organizational leaders don’t understand how hard leading change can be and, therefore, become highly impatient with how slow the process is. Change takes time and leaders looking for a “quick fix” or some kind of “immediate turn around” will be deeply disappointed. There are no magic or silver bullets in the change business. And there are definitely none in leadership. There is only hard work, dedication and persistence to pursue constant improvement that seeks organizational excellence.

Obviously, change isn’t easy. We all seek stability and predictability. But, today more than ever, change keeps hitting us in the face just when we think we can afford to get comfortable. So stop fighting change. It is no use and complaining about it isn’t a viable option, particularly for those of us in positions of leadership because last time I checked “change is the only constant.”

NOW… YOUR TURN: What specific steps are YOU taking to lead change within your organization? Write to me at [email protected].

Listen… Really Listen!

By Steve Adubato, PhD

12/22/2015

Listening is not simply hearing what someone is saying. The kind of listening that a truly exceptional leader engages in is active, responsive and in the moment. It requires a much deeper level of commitment than simply being silent when someone is talking, but rather, a level of concentration and engagement in the conversation that takes hard work. Following are key leadership tools that will help you become a more active and engaged listener:

--Get yourself in the right frame of mind to listen. I call it my “listening mode.” Think of the times that you’ve learned something new or have considered a situation from a perspective other than your own simply because you were listening. The key is to go into meetings and conversations with a more open mind. If you’ve worked really hard as a leader to surround yourself with the best and the brightest professionals, why wouldn’t you be open to really listening? As a leader, don’t deny yourself and your organization the benefit of that wisdom and expertise.

--Fight the urge to interrupt. It’s really irritating to the other person. I’m not talking about the kind of interrupting that is encouraging and supportive (see my next tip.) But rather, the kind of interrupting that sends the message you’re just not interested in what the other person is saying.  When you interrupt in this way, you fail to encourage the other person to open up and share more.  You are, in fact, discouraging them and, for a leader, shutting other people down is dangerous.

--Use encouraging phrases in conversation. Such as; “Tell me more…” or “What happened next?” or “Why do you see it that way?” Don’t be a pest, but send the message that you are truly interested in what is being said and want to know more. Acknowledge the other person. They will tend to open up and share with you.

--Further, occasionally paraphrase what you think someone is saying; “So, what you’re saying is” or “I just want to be clear on this.” This powerful leadership tool gives the other person a chance to, not only respond to what you said, but also sends the message that, as a leader, you care enough to listen so intently that you’re putting in the effort to determine what’s really being said.

--Practice patience. Take a deep breath or two. As I’ve said, don’t interrupt. Further, try not to finish the other person’s sentence. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this and found out I was wrong about what the other person was going to say. Even if you’re right, it’s a turnoff. Smart leaders know that really being “smart” doesn’t mean you need to be the “smartest kid in the class.”

--Keep your eyes on the other person. Fight the urge to look around the room. Sure, there are distractions, but when you make a decision to listen with your mind and body, you will be amazed at your ability to concentrate. Let the other person know that you are present with them. Focused, steady eye contact is big. Further, when listening over the phone leaders can often be tempted to multi-task because they can’t be seen. Shut off the computer. Take your iPhone and turn it face-down. Take the papers on your desk and set them aside. Imagine that the people on the phone can, in fact, see everything you are doing. 

--Finally, try not to judge the speaker. We get so caught up on whether or not we agree with the other person’s point of view, we tend to miss opportunities to truly understand what he or she is saying. It is not that important that we agree. What is important is that we connect on a human and personal level. That’s about understanding. That’s about trust. Ultimately, that’s about leadership.

NOW… YOUR TURN: As a leader, what is YOUR greatest listening challenge? Write to me at [email protected]. 

12/02/2015

Mentoring Matters: Great Leaders Build Future Leaders

By Steve Adubato, PhD

As a leader, it’s not enough that you are the best at what YOU do.  Rather, your success is often judged, in large part, on how those whom you have coached, developed and mentored have made their OWN mark. Following are leadership lessons which will make a big difference in your efforts to develop those around you:

--Catch people on your team doing things right. As leaders, it is often easy to jump on people when they make a mistake. Yes, we must deal with performance issues directly, but at the same time, we must be vigilant in recognizing and celebrating when team members succeed. Communicate what was done RIGHT, why it is important to the team, and what specific behavior needs to be replicated in the future and why.

--Identify specific areas for improvement. Clearly identify specific goals and actions for your mentee to work on. Further, clarify WHY the need for a change exists. It is critical that he or she understands what you are trying to accomplish and why.

--Stick with it. Even if your mentee gets defensive when you deliver hard-to-hear feedback, stick with it. Make it clear you are being direct about his or her performance because you care about your mentee and his or her future. Explain, “The only way you are going to get better is by having hard conversations like this.” You may not get the reaction you’d like at first but remember effective mentoring is definitely a marathon, not a sprint.

--Mentoring is a two-way street. It is one thing to identify specific goals that YOU would like a mentee to accomplish, but it is critical that the mentee is given the opportunity to tell you what he or she thinks is important as well. Ask your mentee about his or her professional goals, about challenges, frustrations and yes, feelings and emotions. Without the active participation of the mentee there won’t be sufficient “buy in” or engagement.

--Be a great listener. Part of creating a two-way street is about listening. Like leadership, coaching and mentoring must be a dialogue, not a monologue. Learn to ask engaging, open-ended questions such as; “What do you think is getting in the way of you performing more effectively?” “How much passion and enthusiasm do you really feel about the work you are doing?” “What would make you more committed to not just the job but to our team?” It’s okay if you don't get an answer right away. Allow for the silence that so many dread and wait patiently for a response.

--Don’t be a know-it-all. Self-disclosure has its place but as a coach you can do too much of it. The key is to keep asking probing questions that help the employee come up with specific solutions on his or her own. The focus is not on you as the “smartest person in the room,” but rather on the people who need to better understand what needs to be done. Consider the adage, “give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime.”

--Set and clarify expectations. Immediately after a coaching session, it is your job to generate a brief, bullet-point summary of what was agreed to. This is critical for the mentee to stay on track and for you, as the mentor, to have a specific, action-oriented agenda for the next face-to-face coaching session.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What specific tools do YOU use to build future leaders within your organization? Write to me at [email protected].

11/16/2015

Dealing with “No”

By Steve Adubato, PhD

One major challenge many leaders face is handling rejection or how to react when given an answer they were not expecting. For great leaders, it's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. This couldn’t be truer than when, as a leader, you are dealing with a “no” in a business or professional situation, particularly when hours, days and even weeks or months have been spent trying to land a particular client or account. Clearly, no one wants to hear “no.” Yet, the exceptional leader is able to take rejection and turn it into something positive. Consider the following leadership tools for seeing “no” as an opportunity to grow and come back stronger than ever:

--Don’t take it personally. Very often, the person rejecting you or your organization is not doing so on a personal level, but they are saying “no” for a variety of other reasons related to economics, market conditions, or internal factors in their organization. Never forget that many decisions are beyond your control. Don’t get down on yourself – a negative attitude can impact your entire team.

--Proactively engage the person who rejected you. Be confident and secure enough to ask WHY you were turned down. Having a positive attitude puts you in the frame of mind to say, “Is there anything I need to know that can help me improve myself or my organization?” Great leaders are lifelong learners and taking the time to reassess your leadership approach will likely produce better outcomes moving forward.

--Resist the urge to blame others. No one is inspired or motivated by hearing a leader say that it was someone else’s fault as to why things didn’t turn out right. Your team members as well as key stakeholders are looking to you for strength and moral support.

--Pick yourself back up. After you’ve had a chance to lick your wounds and learn as much as you can about why you got a “no,” get right back on the horse. If you obsess over a rejection or set back, you are likely to carry it with you when dealing with your next challenge.

--Put your energy into moving forward. It is not enough to say you will take this experience with rejection and learn from it. More specifically, write down exactly what you will and won’t do in the future when faced with a comparable circumstance. Doing this will have a powerful impact on your leadership style and ultimately increase your odds of being more successful next time around.

--Keep your emotions in check. Being rejected in any venue can be highly emotional. However, it is not okay to completely lose it. Rather than letting your emotions drive how you will react, ask yourself beforehand; “How will I deal with ‘losing’ or hearing ‘no’ if that is the response I receive?” Some would call this negative or pessimistic thinking. I disagree. I call it being realistic. Being prepared. While you won’t know exactly how you will react until it happens, learning to manage your emotions when dealing with ‘no’ is an important leadership lesson that can make a big difference in how we lead others as well as ourselves.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What did YOU do to stay positive the last time the answer was no? Write to me at [email protected].

11/10/2015

 

Ben Carson Needs a Thicker Skin…Really Fast

Steve Adubato, PhD

Ben Carson is on a crusade – a mission – to argue that he is being unfairly targeted by the mainstream media.  He is not.  What he is going through is what people go through when they decide to run to become the leader of the free world, otherwise known as President of the United States.

The only reason Ben Carson is a name on the national political scene is because of the extraordinary personal story he has told time and time again about how he grew up on the rough and tough streets of Detroit and how he overcame improbable odds to become a respected neurosurgeon and a man of faith.  I respect Ben Carson as a physician, and I absolutely respect his faith.  But once he decided to run for president, he needed to understand that everything he has said about himself was fair game.  This includes his alleged violent past, some sketchy offer he is convinced he got for a “full scholarship” to West Point, some crazy story about Egypt’s pyramids being used to store grain, rather than the interment of ancient pharaohs, and him bragging about protecting some white students in 1968 from riots in Detroit after Martin Luther King’s assassination, but there is no evidence to substantiate his alleged heroism. 

Here is the deal—right now Ben Carson has chosen to play the victim—to protest just a little too much, in fact, to protest a lot.  To point the finger at the media about why we don’t want to know more about Barack Obama is ridiculous.  What about Barack Obama (having to prove that he is in fact a US citizen), Hillary Clinton (the stream of questions about her past are endless and in most cases, legitimate), Donald Trump (what is the deal with all those bankruptcies?) Joe Biden (you remember Biden dropped out of a previous presidential run because it was found out that he had plagiarized part of his stump speech?) Carly Fiorina (being fired as CEO of Hewlett-Packard) Marco Rubio and his use of the Florida Republican state party credit card or Chris Christie (Bridgegate?) …

You want to argue that it is not fair or you don’t want to answer those questions, Ben Carson?  Then don’t run for President.  Further, if all the stories that you’ve told about yourself are true, then provide some evidence that they are.  If you embellished, say so.  If you told a fib, it means you are imperfect like the rest of us.  But whatever you do, stop playing the victim because real leaders—strong leaders—don’t do that.  It makes you look weak.  It makes you look like a cry-baby.  It doesn’t make you look like a problem solver or someone who can stand up to the challenge. 

If Ben Carson can’t stand up and handle questions from the media about the stories he has told about who he is and how he got there, then how could he possibly stand up in a presidential press conference and answer questions from the Washington Press Corps explaining the decisions he’s made as President or the policy positions he has taken?  The bottom line is that while the process of running for president is far from perfect and in many ways, can be degrading and discourages many good people from entering the fray, it does reveal a great deal about the mental and emotional toughness of those who seek this high office.

While Ben Carson may have had the temperament to be a terrific neurosurgeon, I would argue what he has shown in the past couple of weeks in having to respond to direct questions about his own public statements graphically reveal that he has the wrong temperament to lead our country and be president.  One of the greatest lessons in leadership is to know who you are—your strengths and your weaknesses—and to put yourself in a position to succeed.  With this in mind, either Dr. Ben Carson goes through some amazing metamorphosis or personality change or he quickly realizes that he is not cut out to continue on this rough and tumble path in which he doesn’t get to choose the questions he gets asked in a very public arena because great leaders must have a very thick skin.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What are YOUR thoughts about Ben Carson and how he is handling pressure from the media? Write to me at [email protected] .

10/13/2015

Paul Ryan Should “Step Up” and Lead the House

By Steve Adubato, PhD

Sometimes leadership comes down to doing what’s right, not only for yourself and those closest to you. Sometimes leadership comes down to doing what’s right, even if you think strategically it may have a negative impact on your personal or professional ambitions. Sometimes leadership comes down to simply stepping up for the larger good. Such is the case with Congressman Paul Ryan and the spectacle surrounding the vacancy to fill outgoing House Speaker John Boehner’s position. To be clear, the Speaker of the House is the second most powerful political post in the country. For the Republicans, it will be the most important political leadership position – bar none. But make no mistake; it is no easy job – far from it.

Republicans in the House are fractured with a wing broken off and tied to the Tea Party movement. They don’t want to compromise very much with the White House and celebrated John Boehner stepping down because they thought he wasn’t strident enough in his opposition to President Obama. For me, the Tea Party movement has never been about leadership but has always been about simply trying to get what you want and when you can’t, taking your ball and going home – or in the case of Congress, simply shutting down the federal government. Only one catch…when that happens Veterans don’t get their benefits, federal parks are closed, and critical health services aren’t provided to the people that need them. These are just some of the reasons why the House of Representatives needs a strong Speaker; a strong leader who can bring together the Republican Party, work with folks on the far right and find some common ground with the Obama White House – which is not easy to do.

If Paul Ryan doesn’t take this post there’s no telling what will happen, not just to Congress but to our nation. Critical decisions must be reached between the White House and Congress over the debt ceiling and the continuation of the federal government. Something should be done about the funding of Planned Parenthood where serious questions have been raised about how those dollars are being spent. Shutting down the government over these issues is not leadership, it’s petulant and childish and dangerous, but that’s what the Tea Party wing of the House really wants. In my opinion, only Paul Ryan has the ability to talk them off the ledge and help those 40 or so members of the House understand that doing so will not just hurt the Republican Party but, more importantly, will hurt our country and the citizens they were sent to Washington to serve.

Paul Ryan stepping up, leading and doing what is extraordinarily difficult for him and his family by agreeing to become the Speaker of the House would be a very big deal. If he does it, I am hopeful he can bring together the forces of the GOP and work with the White House. It’s the patriotic thing to do. It’s what a great leader would do. It’s what someone who wants to be president of the United States would do, and last time I checked, Paul Ryan wants to be president.

Bottom line, sometimes the lesson in leadership is to do what is painful and difficult in the short term and hope that somehow, because of the good that comes from it, you reach your goals in the long term. If Paul Ryan says no, he can only hope and pray that things turn out well in Washington, but when it comes to the leadership needed hope and prayer won’t be nearly enough.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What do YOU think is at stake in this battle over the House Speakership, not just for the Republicans but, more importantly, for the nation? Write to me at [email protected].

10/05/2015

Tell It Like It Is: Constructive Feedback Is Key

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

 

Regardless of what we do professionally, the only way we can truly improve our performance and leadership is to receive and accept critical feedback without being defensive or argumentative. Exceptional leaders recognize this and are committed to providing constructive feedback to help their team members grow. The following tips and tools will help you give critical feedback even when it is hard for your team members to hear:

--Be as specific as possible. Employees need to know exactly what they need to do to improve their performance and contribute to the team in a more productive fashion. For example; "Mary, you did a great job on the Jones report. Let's take it a step further. I noticed that you didn't go into great detail on what you think our options are. Next time, make concrete recommendations that evaluate the costs and the risks." The key is to give people information that they can do something with. Conversely, if you say; "Way to go on the Jones report, Mary." That's okay to a point, but sooner or later Mary needs to know exactly what she needs to do to improve.

--Avoid judgmental comments.  Statements or comments that can offend or otherwise insult cause people to become unnecessarily defensive. When this happens, the likelihood of your feedback being embraced and understood decreases significantly. For example, “Mary, you need to be more enthusiastic about working here. Your casual attitude is starting to affect your work.” First of all, what exactly does “enthusiastic” mean? That's a very subjective word. Further, how exactly is Mary's lack of enthusiasm affecting her work performance? The problem is that the leader has said nothing that Mary can use to improve her performance. Instead, ask the team member a probing question that gives them the opportunity to explain the behavior you have been observing without coming across as judgmental. An important leadership lesson to remember is – ask before you assume. When you understand the situation you will be able to more effectively offer practical advice the other person can use.

--Give feedback face-to-face. Sure, e-mail, faxes and phone messages can compliment your coaching efforts, but the most powerful and effective feedback is usually in person. This allows leaders to read body language and attempt to interpret the other person’s reaction to feedback being given. It’s hard to do that when you are interacting via technology. In any case, coaching I do via phone or video conference is only effective once a face-to-face personal connection is well established.

--Give feedback as quickly as you can. Too often, leaders wait too long to talk to an employee about something they are concerned about. The problem is that your feedback is often lost. This is particularly true when giving positive feedback – recognize people's efforts immediately.

--Keep a positive attitude.  If someone on your team is falling behind or has missed a deadline ask, “What obstacles or issues are in the way of you meeting the goals we agreed on?”  The key is to frame feedback in a positive fashion as opposed to assigning blame or fault. After all, the purpose of giving feedback is not simply to chastise an individual it is to help him or her improve and develop.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What do YOU think is the most effective way to provide constructive feedback to employees? Write to me at [email protected].

9/18/2015

Trump Hits a New Low 

By Steve Adubato, PhD 

Just when I thought Donald Trump couldn’t get any worse in his public speeches, he hit a new low in Rochester, NH (after bragging that he did so well in the CNN GOP Republican debate) in which he clearly did not step up and act like a leader. Trump’s first question from the audience came from a supporter who asked, “We have a problem in this country. It's called Muslims. You know our current President is one. You know he's not even an American… Anyway, we have training camps growing where they want to kill us. That's my question: When can we get rid of them?"

Amazingly, Trump didn’t have the decency or the courage to simply correct the man by saying something like, “I appreciate your support, and I have my disagreements with President Obama, but he is clearly as American as any one of us.”

Further, Trump allowed the guy to make a sweeping and disgusting characterization of Muslims as if they were all terrorists looking to attack America. Trump didn’t correct or clarify that.  That’s about as low as you can go. 

When John McCain was running for President, a woman at a campaign event who clearly didn’t like Barack Obama called him an “Arab.”  McCain politely took the microphone and said, “No ma’am he’s a decent family man citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues.”  He went on to talk about his differences with Obama but made it crystal clear that the President was an American, and further as President, deserved more respect.

That’s what a leader does, what a decent human being does.  But Donald Trump doesn’t seem to get that.  And afterwards, instead of apologizing, which he is clearly incapable of doing, his staff put out a statement saying he didn’t hear the question.  That’s garbage.  It’s as bad as Trump saying he was talking about Carly Fiorina’s “persona” when he said, “Look at that face.”

Own it Mr. Trump.  Own your statements and own your silence when one of your supporters said that the President is not an American citizen and attacked an entire group of people based on their religious beliefs.  That’s un-American and clearly lacking in leadership.  But apparently that’s a lesson in leadership that Donald Trump hasn’t learned yet.

NOW…YOUR TURN: How do you think Donald Trump should have handled such a question as a candidate for president of the United States?  Write to me at [email protected]. 

9/17/2015

Fiorina Exposes Trump

By Steve Adubato, PhD 

“I think women all over this country heard very clearly what Mr. Trump said.” stated Carly Fiorina in Wednesday’s GOP Debate.  More powerful words have never been spoken in a Presidential debate.  Republican candidate Carly Fiorina eviscerated and publicly humiliated tough guy, Donald Trump, in front of the world with those words when asked to respond to Trump’s sophomoric and disgraceful comments about her face (which he said were misinterpreted because he said he was talking about her “persona”).  There you have it, in my view as well as millions of others.  Donald Trump was exposed for who and what he really is.

The bully in the school yard got challenged in front of everyone else by someone with the courage to stand up and say, “enough.” And what did Trump do? A real leader - a real man - would have simply said something like:  “Carly, what I said was wrong. It was stupid.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  I apologize to you and all women because the problems we face in our country are too serious to be insulting each other like this about looks.”  But that’s not what he did. 

Trump, who is absolutely tone deaf to how he is perceived by most reasonable people, looked to Fiorina and said, “I think she has a very beautiful face, and she’s a beautiful woman.” So Trump doubled down again and dug a bigger hole and made things worse.  Another sign of how bad a leader he would really be if he ever found his way to the oval office. 

As for Carly Fiorina, we need to know more about her leadership at Hewlett-Packard, which was clearly flawed, but in this debate, in that moment, she did America a favor by standing up and taking on the bully and alleged “political tough guy.” Yes other candidates including Marco Rubio, Chris Christie, John Kasich and Jeb Bush did well in the GOP debate, but Carly was able to expose Trumps flaws more than the others.  

For now, Donald Trump has “jumped the shark.”  It’s all downhill from here.  He lacks the facts, the details, the substance, the humility, but mostly the decency to handle himself as a real leader on the public stage and we can thank Carly Fiorina for making that so very clear.  

NOW…YOUR TURN: What are your thoughts on the Trump – Fiorina interaction?  I’d especially love to hear from all the Trump fans who praise him for “saying what he thinks.”   Let the conversation begin.  Write to me at [email protected].

09/14/2015

Hillary Clinton’s Apology: Too Little, Too Late and Way Too Calculated

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D. 

Much of Hillary Clinton’s problem right now is a product of her own doing.  If she were a stronger leader, with a greater sense of integrity and honesty, she would have dealt with this email controversy in a very different way.  Instead of saying that storing thousands of emails on a private server – potentially, many sensitive emails – as Secretary of State was “allowed,” what she should have simply done from the beginning was say something like this; “I was wrong. It doesn’t matter what the law allows, what I did was inappropriate.  I should have gone to the government email server given my role as Secretary of State.  It created the wrong impression about my intent regarding those emails and I am fully responsible for that problem.  I need to deal with this immediately by turning over those emails and fully cooperating with all of the agencies investigating this situation.  It was a mistake and I need to do better in the future.”

That’s what a real leader would have done.  If she were a leader with confidence in herself she would have realized that by acknowledging that she is flawed and makes poor decisions at times, many people would have given her the benefit of the doubt and would have respected her candor and humility.  Humility is a huge part of being a strong leader.  Further, the ability to own your mistakes is an even bigger part of leadership.  Yet, the serious problem for Hillary Clinton – the problem that causes so many voters to say she isn’t trustworthy or honest – is that it appears her first instinct is, in fact, NOT to own up to her own actions but rather, to immediately move to defend and deflect and ultimately, blame what is ever happening to her on someone else.

She paints herself as a victim, now saying that she is held to a higher standard because she is a woman.  That’s ridiculous.  Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Chris Christie and every other candidate who thinks they’re a strong enough leader to run for president gets heavily criticized for their mistakes, not because of their gender but because of the position they are attempting to hold.

One of Hillary Clinton’s biggest leadership flaws is that she simply lacks the ability to see how others see her, for example, when she makes the statement that she and her husband Bill are somehow struggling to pay their bills and make ends meet upon leaving the White House, while both of them are making millions on both speaking and book tours.  It just goes to show you how out of touch she can really be.  That is what this email thing is all about.  Hillary Clinton refuses to admit that the average person with common sense has to assume that she kept a private email account as Secretary of State so that she could keep certain things private that she thought would be embarrassing if they were ever made public.  But instead of acknowledging that same fact she insults our intelligence with legal jargon and procedural explanations as to what she thought was allowed – technically.

A real leader would simply say the hell with all that and say, “I blew it.  What I did was wrong.” And, a courageous leader would say, “Part of the reason I did it is that I wanted some privacy.” Embarrassing? Yes, but I would respect her more for her honesty and candor.  However, I’ve become convinced that those are traits that Hillary Clinton is not especially capable of, not just as a leader, but as a public person.  And, note to Hillary, doing the quote “nae nae” with Ellen DeGeneres doesn’t humanize you in any way or give you the common touch or get you the benefit of the doubt.  In my view, it only makes her look more calculated and inauthentic.  It’s the same as when she, ultimately, apologized for the email debacle.  Hillary only did this after being asked to do it countless times when she was backed into a corner and her poll numbers were dropping daily.

Joe Biden is nipping at her heels.  Bernie Sanders is making her look foolish and he was supposed to be a non-factor.  So even Hillary Clinton’s apology on the whole email thing falls flat.  It’s too late, it’s too calculated and it just doesn’t seem like it’s coming from the heart.  It’s too bad because Mrs. Clinton is smart, thoughtful, well researched and knows a lot about the world.  But like a lot of other people, I just don’t trust her.  And, when it comes to leadership trust is not a negotiable character trait.

NOW… YOUR TURN: Clearly you know my thoughts about Hillary Clinton’s shortcomings as a leader and potential future president.  More importantly, what are your thoughts, particularly, on how she has handled this whole email mess?  Write to me at [email protected].

09/09/2015

Ugh… Another Meeting?

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

In any organization, the quality of meetings directly impacts productivity, effectiveness and employee engagement and happiness.  Think about it.  If your organization requires that you attend countless meetings that you find boring – and not especially relevant to you and your work – how engaged would you be?  Yet, too often poorly run meetings become part of an organization’s normal course of business.  I often hear, “It’s just the way we do things” as the explanation but I don’t buy it.

Poorly run meetings are largely the product of poor leadership.  Now, I’m not saying leaders want to run uninspiring and rambling meetings that go on forever.  However, they often do it anyway because they lack the skills and tools necessary to do anything otherwise.  Strong leaders must demand that meetings are productive and dynamic as well as goal-oriented and concise.  So if you, like so many other leaders, feel inundated and distracted by the meeting mania in your organization, consider the following best practices that can help you lead better more productive meetings:

--Distribute a realistic “goal-oriented” agenda a few days before the meeting.  Precisely and clearly state the meeting goal in one sentence and outline what you are trying to accomplish.  Fewer items dealt with in a realistic fashion are preferable to a laundry list of items you rush through. If word gets out that you run brief meetings, in which things are actually accomplished, most people won't grumble when you call a meeting.

--Determine exactly who needs to be in the meeting and who doesn’t.  Inviting everyone in your organization to virtually every meeting is inconsiderate of people's time and energy. Ask yourself, “Who needs to attend and what do they have to contribute?” More people at a meeting is rarely merrier.

--Make sure the meeting leader is prepared to effectively facilitate the session.  The meeting leader should be ready to ask clear, probing and open-ended questions that move toward achieving your stated goal.  If not, consider what training or coaching is needed to ensure your meeting leaders are competent enough to run this important business activity. 

--Don’t meet just to meet.  Simply put, if everyone in the meeting is going to be providing a report or “update” on their respective activities with no real discussion or follow up, then why exactly does everyone need to be in a room listening to this?  Given today’s technology, everyone doesn’t have to be in the same room to share information. If all you’re doing is dumping data, instead ask each meeting participant to send a one-page, bulleted e-mail with key points they want to share. 

--Summarize specific “action items” and decisions reached.  Meetings must be about moving forward, not rehashing the past, and moving forward is about taking action and making decisions.  If your meetings don’t do this, something is not right.

Consider the leadership lesson in all of this.  Meetings can be engaging and extremely useful OR they can be de-motivating and steal valuable time. Great leaders choose to lead great meetings.  It does not happen by accident.  They make a conscious decision to make the most of the time they have with their team and the payoff is huge.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What do YOU think is the key to leading productive meetings?  Write to me at [email protected]. 

09/01/2015

Trump Is No Leader… But He Is Very Dangerous Indeed

By Steve Adubato Ph.D.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I can’t figure out the Donald Trump thing.  I can’t figure out his appeal to so many voters and I’m amazed that the masses haven’t figured out how full of it he really is.  Not only isn’t he a legitimate leader – by any reasonable standard of defining what a leader is – he’s the king of insults.  Donald Trump is like the Don Rickles of presidential politics.  He insults just about everyone.  Except Rickles is funny, Trump is just mean.  As Peter Wehner, a senior White House advisor to George W. Bush, recently said, “He shouldn’t be let near a Twitter account, let alone nuclear weapons.”

One of the things I find most unimpressive about Trump is not just that he is a bully who attacks those who criticize him or those who simply ask him questions he doesn’t like.  It’s that he exposes himself as someone who isn’t a particularly deep thinker about things that matter in the process.  For example, when Trump is asked a question about how he’s going to pay for “the wall” he keeps talking about that will apparently help solve the illegal immigration problem with Mexico, (experts estimate this nearly 2,000 mile wall would cost tens of billions of dollars to build and maintain) he says he’s going to get the Mexican government to do it.  He boldly states that they’ll be glad to do it in the process.  Yet, he doesn’t tell you how, and when pressed for more details he simply says, “They love me.”  What is that supposed to mean?  Who loves you, Mr. Trump? The Mexican government you have to negotiate with? Where is there any evidence of that?  Trump just makes it up when pressed and backed into a corner. What conversations has Trump had with the Mexican government in which they’ve indicated they would do something specifically for Trump as president that they wouldn’t do for anyone else?

One of the biggest reasons Trump is no real leader is that he has no strategy other than the extremes of attacking others or saying people “love him.” What kind of strategy is that?  Trump confuses momentary popularity with a sector of the Republican primary electorate with widespread multifaceted support from a variety of socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, and other groups.  There is absolutely no evidence of the latter.

While Trump may be entertaining in a reality show kind of way, you can’t confuse this with genuine leadership, which involves having to deal with all kinds of people who don’t agree with you, who look at the world in a different way, and whose support you need to get things done.  Real leadership is dealing with Congress and with multiple constituencies and agendas, including leaders of the Hispanic community who Trump says “love him.” Yet, would clearly want to understand how Trump could call Mexican immigrants “rapists” and then refuse to apologize because of gains in the polls.

Leadership involves relating to large groups of women who are deeply offended by Trump’s cruel and totally disrespectful comments and his perception of their attractiveness. What serious leader who wants to be president takes the time, or even has the inclination, to talk about super model Heidi Klum as, “no longer being a 10” or to describe women  as “fat pigs,” “dogs,” “slobs” and “disgusting animals?”  What man with any decency and respect for women talks like that? Donald Trump – that’s who.

Further, when confronted with his own words, Trump demonstrates his lack of leadership again and again   by refusing to simply apologize for his grotesque use of language and for offending large groups of people.  Trump has come to the conclusion that somehow apologizing makes him appear less of an alpha male or a strong leader when, in fact, the exact opposite is true.  True leadership is about having the confidence and the emotional intelligence to know that you simply made a stupid mistake or said the wrong thing and need to own what you’ve done.  Trump can’t and won’t do that, which by itself, should disqualify him from having any real leadership responsibilities.  Yet, this is also something he has in common with the likes of Hilary Clinton, who seems to also have a tremendous aversion to apologizing and owning her own actions when she has made obvious mistakes.

As a world leader a president’s responsibility is to deal with Iran, Israel, and the complex world of the Middle East.  As a domestic leader the president must deal with the U.S. Economy, job creation, racial tension often between Black youth and White cops, and countless other complex and serious problems. Yet, Donald Trump thinks part of his appeal is that he has the “courage” to make these outlandish comments.   Further, when Trump was hosting his Celebrity Apprentice show, he said of one female contestant he found especially attractive, “That must be a pretty picture, you dropping to your knees,” in response to an account that she had “begged” another contestant for help.

Trump is the one who is the pig!  He’s a guy who is about to turn 70, and even if he were turning 50 or 40, talk like that and attitude like this, in many ways, makes it clear that he is not in control of himself.  He is not in control of what he says, what he does, how he conducts himself, and comports himself and that is why he’s dangerous as a potential leader of the Free World.  That’s why the former Bush White House official’s comments about Trump being dangerous with a Twitter account and the idea that he would have his finger so close to a “button” that could produce an all out nuclear war, are so prophetic and scary.

When someone lacks the appropriate demeanor and mindset to look at situations and circumstances in a reasoned fashion and just offers a simplistic one liner (often attacking someone) that comes to mind in that moment to avoid having to provide a substantive response – doesn’t one have to worry about what he would do if he had real power?  Trump as a candidate is one thing because he’s kind of entertaining and outrageous (like I said in a kind of “can you believe he just said that?” reality show way) but Trump as president with the stakes so high…  Think about that.

If a leader from another country said something that Trump didn’t like or criticized him in any way, would it be enough for Trump simply to say something nasty or hurtful back because he’s the insult king?  Or, is it more likely for Trump, in a real leadership position aiming for people to see the world the way Trump does – meaning there’s Trump and everyone who doesn’t “love” Trump – to be the kind of person who has to show others, even the leader of another country, who the “boss” really is?  We’re talking potential wars and innocent lives lost.  Conflicts and totally unnecessary and unwarranted battles just because a person like Donald Trump in a serious position of leadership doesn’t like what someone else said about him or didn’t kiss up to him in the way he thought that person should… because everyone else “loves him.”

That’s not leadership – that’s just plain scary. It’s just plain narcissism. Maybe this leadership approach works in Donald Trump’s organization because every two weeks the people who work for him get a nice pay check – and I bet he’s a pretty good boss in that way.  I bet he’s generous and I haven’t heard any particularly bad stories about him as a boss. But I do know that as a leader in business, instead of taking real responsibility every time he went bankrupt or showing any degree of empathy for those who were out thousands if not millions of dollars (because of the protection bankruptcy laws give to those who go belly up) Trump scoffed.  All he would say was he is “smart” for taking advantage of those laws and that the only people who didn’t get paid were the banks (as if someone else wouldn’t have to pick up the tab for these unpaid bills sooner or later.)  In the first presidential debate he even joked that nobody likes banks.

What kind of real leader doesn’t acknowledge that plumbers and contractors and countless others who worked in Trump’s casinos never got paid because Trump went bankrupt?  Consider the hard working folks that couldn’t pay their bills and couldn’t feed their families.  Did Trump have any compassion for any of them or for their kids? Did they not “love” Donald Trump enough to get paid? As I’ve said many times before, if he’s truly as rich as he says (“I’m really rich”), wouldn’t a real leader go back and pay the people he owes?  Not Donald Trump – because, well, it’s all about Trump.

While I have no idea how the presidential campaign will play out as we enter the fall of 2015, I’m still amazed that someone with such obvious character and leadership flaws could be so popular and apparently adored by so many.  Yet, this is no reality show.  It’s not Celebrity Apprentice. It’s not a Trump sponsored beauty contest or golf event.  This is real life, about real leadership involving very real problems because every life matters and there is so much at stake for our country. Yes, Donald Trump is no leader but he is very, very dangerous indeed.

 

NOW...YOUR TURN: What are your thoughts about Trump's lack of leadership?

Write to me at: [email protected]

08/20/2015

It’s About THEM… The Power of Empathy

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Very often, as leaders we talk about how WE see the world – our vision, our strategy, our plans. It’s critical to have a distinct vision and to clearly communicate it to the people we will be asking to help us get there.  However, a truly well-rounded leader must also have the ability – and a burning desire – to empathize and care about those they are trying to lead and serve.  This includes our audience and our stakeholders, those on our team, our peers, and our clients or customers.  Simply put, we need to empathize with those who help us achieve what we need to get done every day and allow us to get credit when things go right (and yes, if you are a really good leader, take responsibility when things go wrong).

Yet, the willingness to actually DO this requires a conscious decision to step outside oneself and imagine what it might be like to be in another person’s shoes.  With that said, I encourage you to watch a powerful and profound must-see video on YouTube simply entitled, “Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care,” which is part of a series of videos produced by the folks at the Cleveland Clinic a few years ago.

In the video, scenes of patients, hospital staff, visitors and family members are shown with simple captions. Scenes include a woman on dialysis with the caption; “Day 29…Waiting for a new heart…” and a mother with her head down; “19-year-old son on life support.” Another shows two men on an escalator with the caption for the first man, “Tumor was benign,” and then the second man, “Tumor was malignant.” Video also follows a wife and a young daughter along with the words; “Husband is terminally ill…visiting dad for the last time.”  This extraordinary video ends on a powerful note with the caption; “If you could stand in someone else’s shoes... Hear what they hear. See what they see. Feel what they feel. Would you treat them differently?” 

That IS the question. But the part that is most profound from a leadership perspective is that the ability to empathize – in fact, the awareness of the need to empathize – is something we MUST remind ourselves to do. One of the biggest dangers in leadership is to become so consumed with our own reality that we become oblivious to the reality of those we lead and interact with.  When this happens, our relationships suffer and we often find ourselves thinking; “If I had only known that was happening, I wouldn’t have acted that way.”

So, consider a different approach in your efforts to build meaningful relationships with clients, prospects and colleagues. As a leader, become more “other-centered.”  Start asking open-ended questions in an effort to understand the other person’s position.  It can be as simple as asking your team member; “How are things going?  I noticed you have been struggling with your deadlines.  What can I do to help you?” Give him or her the option of opening up. Get into a conversation.  Try to identify his or her needs.  In the case of a client or prospect consider asking, “How have your needs changed?” “What are your biggest challenges?” or, “What keeps you up at night?” 

By showing concern or interest in others, we interact and lead in a more compassionate and empathetic fashion. This takes a shift in thinking that requires us to be less focused on OUR circumstance in that moment and more focused on those around us.  In reality, we may not be able to understand exactly what the other person is feeling, but showing you care and demonstrating that you have taken the time to at least imagine what it would be like goes a long way.  For some, this powerful lesson in leadership is a giant step indeed.

NOW… YOUR TURN:  Describe a time when you made a decision to put yourself in another person’s shoes.  How did this decision to be more empathetic impact your relationship?

08/07/2015

GOP Debate Reinforces Trump’s Lack of Leadership

by Steve Adubato, PhD

A lot happened in last night’s Fox News GOP Debate, but for me two huge leadership issues played out and both were hard to watch on every level. The first was when Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly simply asked leading GOP candidate, Donald Trump, to explain his grotesque and totally unacceptable past descriptions of women including ”fat pigs” ”dogs,” ”slobs” and ”disgusting animals.” Ever the showman, Trump tried to duck responsibility at first with a snarky one-liner saying he was only talking about Rosie O’Donnell – as if that would make it acceptable. When Megan Kelly pressed him on the fact that this simply wasn’t true, Trump - who never is accountable for his past comments or actions (a terrible leadership trait) - launched into an absurd diatribe about political correctness and then accused Kelly of not being nice to him and threatened to be "not nice" to her for simply asking him a direct question about something he didn’t want to talk about.

This is a classic case, once again, of why Donald Trump is no leader at all. What real leader talks about women – at least half the people in America and on this earth – in such a disrespectful fashion? What could he possibly be thinking? And then when confronted about it, what legitimate leader doesn’t have the integrity or decency to say he was wrong instead of attacking the female journalist who asked him to explain his comments? The answer – Donald Trump, the leading GOP candidate for President. 


The second leadership issue from last night’s debate? The fact that not one of the other Republican Presidential candidates had the courage to stand up to Trump and challenge him on his misogynistic, anti-women comments - not to mention his totally unprovoked and cowardly attack on Megan Kelly. My sense is that the other candidates didn’t take Trump on for fear of having his wrath turned on them, and in the process demonstrated a glaring lack of leadership. And lacking leadership is a huge impediment to being a strong President who will have to stand up to much tougher and scarier characters than Donald Trump.

That’s what I think when it comes to the issue of leadership and last night’s Presidential debate.

 

NOW YOUR TURN….What are your thoughts on this whole Trump/Megyn Kelly fiasco and what do you think about my comments?

 

Write to me at: [email protected]

08/04/2015

Great Leaders Embrace Change

by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

In most cases, change can and should be a good thing if done at the right time, for the right reasons.  Change keeps us on our toes and ready to turn obstacles into opportunities.  However, leading BIG change is not for the faint of heart.  Consider the following keys to leading and embracing change:

--When communicating about change, accentuate the positives but don’t act as if there won’t be real challenges. People know that’s simply not true.  Being honest and having a positive “we can do this” attitude about those challenges is a key to leading change.  A leader of change has to be credible.

--Create an open environment conducive to an honest dialogue, even if the feedback is difficult to hear.  This approach allows for team members to comment on any aspect of the change without fear of reprisal or retribution. Do this because team members are thinking these things anyway. Open dialogue can be created in forums, employee meetings, interactive e-mail or a one-on-one with the team leader. 

--Anticipate push back and be prepared to facilitate a candid conversation around it.  Truly great leaders have the courage and confidence to proactively bring up potential opposition before anyone else because they’re not afraid of it. They confront it. They deal with it directly and take it on by making the case that the status quo is absolutely not acceptable.

--Explain WHY the change is taking place. Don’t be the leader that tries to direct people to change by telling them “just do it” or “because I said so.”  Leaders of change must communicate that the status quo is actually more risky than the change itself.  Until that’s done, people have little or no motivation to “buy in” to the change process.  This approach is about motivation and persuasion and not about compliance, command and control. Simply put it’s about real leadership.

--Be clear on the reasons for the change while remaining flexible and open to feedback regarding different approaches to implementing the change. There is nothing worse than leaders who are rigid and closed minded about anything other than their own ideas.

--Never forget that real change about real problems and issues is a marathon, not a sprint. Change takes time and leaders looking for a “quick fix” or some kind of “immediate turn around” will be deeply disappointed. There are no magic or silver bullets in the change business and there are definitely none in leadership. There is only hard work, dedication and persistence to pursue constant improvement that seeks organizational excellence.

--Celebrate and recognize any success or accomplishment associated with the change effort no matter how small.  People need to see progress in order to “buy in” to the change.  Everyone wants to be part of a winning team.

--Finally, make it crystal clear what the payoff or tangible benefits will be of implementing this change. Don’t assume your people know this. It is your job to make it real.

NOW… YOUR TURN: What do YOU think is the key to successfully leading change? Write to me at [email protected].

07/23/2015

It’s Time to “Dump the Duds”

by Steve Adubato, PhD

 When it comes to business development, we all want to have as many clients as possible, right?  This thinking is especially prevalent in difficult, challenging, and uncertain economic times.  We spend much of our time communicating in sales meetings pitching as hard as possible to prospective clients.  We follow up over the phone, via e-mail, and any other way we can, trying to get prospects to sign on the dotted line so we can add them to our client list. 

I understand this thinking.  I’ve lived it.  As the executive producer of a highly entrepreneurial public television production company constantly seeking underwriters to support our programming, as well as with our leadership development firm Stand & Deliver, I’m often chasing prospects.  However, according to my friend and colleague, Michael Port, the author of “Book Yourself Solid,” this approach to business is often counterproductive. 

In his best-selling book, Port talks about only going after clients that you really want to have on board as opposed to any client “with a pulse”.  He calls it the “red velvet rope policy,” in which you ask the question; “Do you have your own red velvet rope policy that allows in only the most ideal clients, the ones that energize and inspire you?  If you don’t, you will shortly.  Why?  First, because when you work with clients you love, you’ll truly enjoy the work you are doing, you’ll love every minute of it.  And when you love every minute of the work you do, you’ll do your BEST work, which is essential to book yourself solid.” 

Lofty words from Michael Port, but he backs it up in his every day business approach and you can too.  Think about it… If we surround ourselves with clients who bring negative energy with them, they will bring us down and put us in a bad frame of mind, thereby, hurting our ability to serve the clients we truly enjoy working with.  Further, having too many of these clients will take you away from the clients you are in a better position to serve, ultimately affecting your bottom line.  To avoid this situation, Port advocates that you should “dump the duds”, which simply means go through your list of clients and get rid of those who are consistently not returning your calls and those who are giving you mixed messages. 

I know what Michael Port advocates sounds like heresy to some.  Dumping the duds?  Even getting rid of one client seems crazy.  We need the revenue right?  But the more you think about it, the more it makes sense.  You don’t have to dump ten clients tomorrow or purge your list of all prospects who have failed to return an email or call.  Instead, decide to make a strategic change in your approach to business development.  Make it a point to periodically (at minimum twice a year) evaluate where you are focusing your efforts.  Then, don’t be afraid to cut a client or prospect loose if you strongly believe the hours and angst are not worth the ROI.  This approach will free up your time, energy and your mind to go after other prospective clients who are a better fit for your organization. 

Finally, to clarify, I’m not talking about clients and/or prospects who fall on tough economic times who are unable to follow through on a commitment.  That’s part of business.  It happens, and when it does, that is when the truly great leaders and business partners lend a hand with empathy and support.  The folks I’m talking about are the ones that are disingenuous and negative, who say one thing, but mean another.  You know who they are, and THEY know who they are.  The question is, what are you going to do about it?

NOW YOUR TURN: What are your thoughts about this approach to being more selective?  Will you dump the duds in your client list and start building better relationships?  Write to me at [email protected]

07/07/2015

Donald Trump: Notoriety is NOT Leadership

By Steve Adubato PhD

I appeared on CNN recently, offering commentary on the 2016 Presidential Campaign.  During this segment, I was asked to explain the inexplicable success Donald Trump is having in recent polls of Republican voters.  This is after Trump made off-the-wall and reprehensible comments talking about Mexican immigrants coming to the US, calling some of them “rapists” as well as those that “bring crime.” (Trump said he assumed some of them were good people.)

As usual, Trump offered no documented proof of his outlandish comments, yet, it clearly had some appeal to a certain segment of the Republican electorate.  It’s a funny thing about Donald Trump – he says whatever comes into his mind at a given moment but, rarely, is what he says accurate.  (Trump insisted a while back that President Obama wasn’t a US citizen without a shred of proof for such an absurd charge against the leader of our country.)  And when pressured, he virtually never takes responsibility or apologizes.  He did neither in the case of his comments on Mexican immigrants even though he has been roundly criticized by all quarters; including, most recently, Republican challenger Jeb Bush. In fact, he doubled down by saying, “All I’m doing is telling the truth.”  He added that the recent polls, which show him doing well, are further proof that he’s right.  As if real leadership is about telling a certain segment of the population what they want to hear.

But one of the worst things about Donald Trump as a contender for the Oval Office is that he is simply NOT trustworthy.  Just take a look at his track record as a businessman, which he claims is stellar.  In fact, when he announced his run for president, he said one of his qualifications is that he is “really rich” and that he is consistently “a winner” in business.  This is what America really needs, according to The Donald.

I am writing about Trump in my upcoming book, “Lessons in Leadership”, as a great case study regarding the fact that notoriety should never be confused with leadership.  For starters, consider when Trump came into Atlantic City telling folks that his brand would dramatically transform the casino / ocean landscape.  He said that his brand was tied to elegance and opulence, nothing but the best.  He said it would dwarf and outperform the other casinos mostly because he – Donald Trump – would be leading the charge.

But that’s not exactly the way things went down in Atlantic City. Over time, Trump’s casinos did not do well. They had serious financial problems and Trump continually went back to the banks begging for dollars to keep his brand and his casinos afloat.  But ultimately, when things came crashing down for the so-called Trump Empire in Atlantic City, Trump took absolutely no responsibility.  When the casinos built up an embarrassing amount of debt the only way Trump could survive and his casinos could survive was separately.  Trump was forcibly removed from the management team.  He had lost the trust of creditors.  He had a history of not always paying his bills when he was supposed to and not being up front as to the reasons why.

When Trump experienced bankruptcy #3 because he couldn’t pay his debtors, Trump’s ultimate reason was, “I’m an investor… I’m not running that company,” except the company he was referring to was in fact Trump Entertainment. His name was in the company.  The brand was Trump, but in the end he said he had nothing to do with why the company ultimately was going belly up.  He blamed the failure on others and simply tried to walk away as if he had never said those things upon his entrance into Atlantic City.  As if he never promised that he would change the landscape of Atlantic City and teach people ultimately “The Art of the Deal” (one of many of Trump’s books on how to succeed in business that have sold wildly).  Again notoriety is NOT leadership.

What really concerns me about Donald Trump – the guy who says he should be America’s next leader – is that he doesn’t take responsibility when things go wrong; instead he blames others but he wants all the credit when things are glitzy and glamorous and The Donald can be The Donald.  But to me the value of a brand that you can count on is largely a product of how the leader, much less the namesake of the brand, stands up or doesn’t when things go wrong.  If you’re going to put your name on everything, not just casinos and buildings, but TV shows, water bottles, golf courses, shirts at those golf courses (his golf courses are in fact first rate), everything – (Trump also put his name on a university, Trump University, which was shut down and is mired in lawsuits by students who said they got ripped off by Trump after the Better Business Bureau gave Trump University an absolutely terrible independent evaluation) – real leaders must take responsibility when things go wrong for organizations they are so closely tied to or when their name is slapped all over it.

Yes, Trump is great showman. He’s great for those of us in the media looking for red meat and outrageous quotes from a political candidate. But he’s no real leader. He’s a carnival barker.  He’s the former host of a celebrity reality show that set up conflict and drama simply so that Trump, in a highly produced setting, could look into the camera and tell a contestant, “You’re fired!”  That’s not leadership. That’s TV production. That’s show business.  That’s entertainment and notoriety.  Real leadership is about owning your mistakes.  It’s about saying responsible things on the campaign trail and when you don’t or you screw up, admitting it, rather than blaming others when they criticize you.  It’s about having humility and the confidence to apologize when you have clearly said something that is outrageously offensive.  Real leadership is about offering real solutions to complex problems, not telling people you should be elected because you’re “really rich.”

Donald Trump is a joke. But the bigger joke is that we’re actually talking about him in a serious way because apparently the Republican field for President is perceived to not be strong enough that it has allowed for someone like Donald Trump to be taken seriously.  Now that’s really scary. But it’s early, and like I said notoriety should never be confused with real leadership.

QUESTION: What do you think about Donald Trump? And, what are your thoughts on my commentary regarding the difference between his notoriety and being a genuine leader?

07/02/2015

Which Leadership Mistakes Are You Making?

by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

All leaders make mistakes, but it is a leader’s ability to admit mistakes, and more importantly, learn from them, that matters.  Following are a few common leadership mistakes many of us make: 

-- Being too “hands off.”  Of course we want to delegate specific tasks and functions.  But some leaders become so removed from their teams operations that they lose touch.  These leaders have little idea about the productivity or effectiveness of team members, and therefore, are in no position to provide coaching or feedback as to how these employees can improve.  This laissez-faire style communicates a lack of passion or interest in the team and its future, even if that is not your intent.  Great leaders recognize there is a difference between delegating to empower your people and handing off responsibility without any guidance or coaching.  A smart way to stay connected is to facilitate engaging regular meetings with your key team players so you know what’s happening in your organization and your employees know you’re on top of things.

 

--Obsessive micromanaging.  No, this is not a contradiction to the previous leadership mistake because a leader who does not delegate ANY tasks or responsibilities runs the obvious risk of filling his or her plate with so much minutiae that it becomes impossible to see the forest from the trees.  Further, by not effectively delegating and creating other leaders on the team, these micromanaging leaders communicate the message that they don’t trust other team members which demotivates employees, thereby reducing productivity, effectiveness and morale. If you find yourself stuck “in the weeds,” take a step back and identify two tasks to delegate to your best team members. As you see that your team can successfully manage those projects, you will be more inclined to delegate other projects that don’t need your immediate supervision.  Your team will grow and you will have more time to focus strategically on the bigger picture. PS – Never confuse delegating with dumping work on others without coaching and direction.

 

--Surrounding yourself with “yes” players.  A major leadership mistake is to create a culture where those around you tell you that you are right, even if you propose a terrible idea or initiative.  Weak leaders communicate the message that team members are acting “disloyal” or “out of bounds” when they challenge or ask questions of the team leader.  When this happens, organizations plow ahead in the wrong direction, taking the bus off course just because no one was willing or able to challenge the leader’s poor judgment or decision making.  One of the biggest reasons for this leadership failure is the insecurity and lack of confidence of the leader.  These leaders incorrectly assume that any challenge to their leadership sends the message that they are somehow unfit to lead the team, when in fact the REAL message is that a particular team member simply disagrees on a particular point.  Many who fall into this trap are blind to all this and therefore are unable to do anything about it.  The next time you propose an idea, see how many of your team members challenge it.  And if no one does, directly ask team members to share a different point of view.  Over time, they’ll see that their opinion is valued and will offer it up more often.

 

NOW… YOUR TURN: What do you think is the most common leadership mistake? Write to me at [email protected].

6/15/2015

Are You Asking the Right Questions?

By Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

People are obsessed with coming up with the right answers to difficult problems and challenges in the workplace. In school, students are taught to come up with the correct answers in order to get a good grade. Clearly, answers are important, but so are questions. Too often we ignore the value of asking smart, probing, engaging questions. All kinds of leaders, including lawyers, teachers, doctors and yes, journalists, depend heavily on questions to do their jobs.

Yet, most of us ask questions in a haphazard fashion. We take questions for granted. How often have you incorporated questions into your presentations? Are questions a regular part of your meetings with team members? And, possibly the most important, what kinds of questions, if any, are you asking your sales prospects? Are they strategic? Are they thought out? Are they asked with purpose? With this in mind consider some keys to getting more out of the questions you ask and the people you are asking them of:

--Make sure your questions are clear and easy to understand. Sounds simple, right? Then why is it that too often people will ask the question and you have no idea what they want to find out? Before you ask a question, make sure you know why you are asking it. (P.S.-Don’t ask a question just to be heard. It’s irritating.)

--Direct your questions to a particular person. You are more likely to get a direct response. Questions asked of a particular person are more effective than simply asking a question of an entire group. Often, when questions are asked of an entire group, people are reluctant to be the first to speak up. Also, it makes it easier for audience members to hide and not participate.

--One at a time. Don’t you hate those multi-part questions? How do you know which part you are supposed to answer first? Did you ever notice that you can’t remember what the first part was? Ask one question, on one subject, to one person and you’ll be pleased with the results.

--Follow up on a previous question that has been answered. Something like, “Mary, how does your answer compare with what Jim said on this subject earlier in the meeting?” Another effective follow-up is a short encourager after someone has responded to an initial question like, “How so?” or “For example…”

--Unless you have a good reason for doing it, questions shouldn’t be overly confrontational: “Why is it that you never seem to get it right, Bob?” If you are looking to scare the heck out of Bob or let him know he is about to be fired, you’ve succeeded. Questions like this can cause real communication problems.

As a leader, you will be amazed at the reaction you get using this simple but powerful communication technique that revolves, not around answers, but once again around asking the right questions in the right way for the right reasons. This technique will dramatically improve your meetings, the level of engagement of your people, and the decisions you make as a leader. What’s better than that?

NOW… YOUR TURN: How do you use questions to engage your people? Write to me at [email protected].

06/2/2015

How Do You Ignite Passion in Your People?

by Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Motivating and engaging employees is always a challenge for any leader.  Recently, I conducted a series of seminars on this topic, and after engaging hundreds of managers and leaders, here are some tips and tools that should help you pump up your people.

  • Give employees challenging responsibilities that test their leadership potential. Expect more from your people than they expect from themselves. Great leaders push their people. They are constantly being creative by coming up with new projects and assignments that may make team members a little bit uneasy, but at the same time drive them to get outside of their comfort zone and achieve great things. This approach will definitely keep them engaged.
  • Create a mentoring and coaching culture in which team members are assigned less experienced employees to develop into "future leaders" in the organization and hold them accountable over time. By doing this, team players will feel responsible, not just for their own performance, but for the performance of others. Nothing motivates us more than helping colleagues develop their potential. It is exciting and exhilarating, but it doesn’t happen by osmosis. It has to be organized and structured. The great leaders know this.

  • Great leaders encourage team members to make presentations both internally and externally on important topics that they know well. Once again, this may make some team members - who say speaking in public is nerve-wracking and anxiety-producing - uncomfortable. But with the proper coaching and training, these same employees can make great strides in their communication skills. Experiencing this improvement is extremely motivating, which will cause these same employees to want to get better by working harder in this area. Conversely, keeping your people within their comfort zone guarantees they will become stagnant and bored.

  • Take team members to high-level meetings outside the office, which will expose them to challenging situations and important stakeholders. Then, be sure to debrief afterward to find out what they took away from the experience. Involving team members in important meetings will help them feel a part of something special, something bigger. The stakes will be higher and they will feel more important to the organization. This will cause them to be more motivated and engaged.  Continue to show an ongoing interest in teaching, coaching and mentoring, which is the pinnacle of employee development. Showing you care about an employee may be the ultimate motivator.

NOW...YOUR TURN: What do you think is the ultimate motivator for employees? Write to me at [email protected].

05/27/2015

Tom Brady Deflates His Credibility 

By Steve Adubato, PhD

The NFL recently handed down its punishment to the Patriots and reigning Super Bowl MVP, Tom Brady, for the deflation of footballs used in the AFC Championship Game, as well as for Brady’s lack of cooperation with the NFL. The punishment includes a four game suspension for Brady and a $1 million fine to the Patriots in addition to two docked draft picks. 

Tom Brady, of course, is appealing this decision, refusing to take responsibility for his involvement.  Further, his lawyer has trashed the report and its author, respected attorney Ted Wells, claiming the whole investigation was a set up from the beginning.  That’s bad enough.  But what bothers me more is the clear lack of accountability Brady displayed following the release of the NFL Wells report. He ducked and giggled and delivered a glib and totally ineffective response to the conclusion that he, most likely, knew that the New England Patriots lower level “staff” were deflating footballs to Brady’s liking in the AFC Championship game - clearly violating the rules.

In the interview with Jim Gray, Brady said he had not read the NFL report and stated “Usually I’m used to reading X’s and O’s and this was a little bit longer.”  The hometown New England audience laughed.  The rest of us, who expect adults and leaders to take responsibility for their actions, were appalled.  Brady is a disgrace.  He’s supposed to be a role model to kids for how to play the game and how to win fairly.

In the press conference before the Super Bowl, Brady bragged that he had never broken any rules in the NFL, while at the same time he was most likely putting heavy pressure and possibly directing the Patriots “ball boys” to break the rules for him. What kind of leader is that?  The answer: one with very little courage and even less integrity.  One who figures he can let someone way down in the organization take the hit while he stays above the fray. 

What a powerful lesson in how NOT to lead.  I suspect, Tom Brady will eventually admit he did, in fact, direct the Patriots staff to break the rules and deflate the footballs to his liking.  He will also likely admit that he gave those same staff members valuable gifts in return. And to make matters worse, he chose not to cooperate with the NFL investigation by refusing to turn over text messages. 

Some will say all this is much ado about nothing with so many “real” issues going in the world.  But this is not about football, it’s about making sure our kids know that the old adage, “it's how you play the game” really does matter and it’s not just about winning or losing.  Somewhere along the way this great athlete forgot that lesson.  What’s worse, when he got caught, it seems he was dumb enough to try to cover it up and stick the blame on some Patriot lackey who was afraid to cross the golden boy with all those Super Bowl rings.

Yes, indeed, Tom Brady is a great athlete, but a terrible leader.  And it appears, not a very nice person either.

NOW...YOUR TURN: I’m very critical of Tom Brady as a leader in all this.  But what do you think about the way he has handled it? Write to me at [email protected]

August 2019 column

Coaching in the Workplace

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Heather Thomson, Founder & CCO Yummie, shares her most significant leadership lesson about building other leaders and helping your people go on to do great things.

We all hear a lot these days about executive coaching.  The problem is that often it is expensive to bring in an external coach to work with your people.  The good news is, there is no reason a committed manager/leader can’t make coaching a more important part of what he or she does.  We’re not simply talking about how to conduct an annual performance appraisal here.  Real coaching is an every day thing.  It’s an attitude.  It’s a way of life in the workplace.  Either you see yourself as a coach or you don’t.  The following are some helpful tips and tools to help you help your people reach their potential.

--Clearly identify specific goals and actions your employee needs to work on.  It is critical that he or she sees that there is a problem or a potential crisis as opposed to you telling them he or she needs coaching. 

 

--Be prepared.  Go in to the first session with a specific set of questions such as; What do you think is getting in the way of you performing more effectively?  How much passion and enthusiasm do you really feel about the work you are doing?  What would make you more committed to not just the job but to our team?

 

--Resist the urge to be the expert who has all the answers.  Self-disclosure has its place but as a coach you can do too much of it.  Watch how often you say things like, “If I were in your situation, I would…” or “I remember a time I had the same problem.”  The key is to keep asking probing questions that help the employee come up with specific solutions on his or her own.

 

--Agree to an action plan.  Immediately after a coaching session, it is your job to generate a brief, bullet-point summary of what was just agreed to.  This is critical for the employee staying on track and for you as a coach having a specific, action-oriented agenda for the next face-to-face coaching session.  Without such summaries, the coach and the employee could have very different interpretations of what was just agreed to in a session.

 

--Take notes.  In order to do the above, you have to be a good note taker.  However, good note taking isn’t about taking lots of notes, it is about keeping your eye contact, working hard as a listener and jotting down a few important things that are said.  After the session, immediately go back and put your notes in context.  Doing too much note taking in a coaching session can be very distracting for both you and the person you are coaching.

 

--Stay connected.  In between your face-to-face coaching sessions, use e-mail and the telephone to keep in contact with the person you are coaching.  Send them brief notes asking them what actions they took on a particular day that would help them move toward accomplishing their goals.  Over the phone, just call to say hi and ask how things are going.  The key is to be there without being a pest.  Let your employee know you are thinking about him or her and part of your coaching approach is to keep the lines of communication going.  Encourage them to communicate with you about specific problems or challenges they may face. 

 

--Finally, don’t be a coach to too many people.  It is tremendously demanding work and requires a great commitment of time and energy.  It’s not how many people you coach, but rather the impact you have on those you do. 

 

OCTOBER 2019

The Leadership-Communication Connection

Steve Adubato, Ph.D.


Rich Henning, Senior Vice President, SUEZ, shares his leadership advice about communicating the truth during a crisis.

When it comes to being an effective leader, the connection between leadership and communication cannot be overlooked.  Great communication is about connecting with someone about something that matters to both of you.  This kind of human, personal and somewhat visceral connection is all too rare in our lives—be it at work or in our personal lives.  Sometimes, the person communicating, regardless of how long he or she has been in a leadership role, is clueless that they haven’t connected—or that a connection is either necessary or required.  Other times, a communicator wants to connect or “get on the same page” with someone and they lack the skills and tools to accomplish it.

 

Compelling examples, anecdotes and analogies, utilizing a clear and compelling message, having genuine eye contact and being concise are just some of the ways a leader can use communication to connect with others.  However, there are some items you can add to your “toolkit” that fall into a very different category that, when utilized effectively, will help you command your audience’s attention and will increase the odds that you will make the connection you want. 

 

--Silence…or a long pause before you begin presenting.  Very often your audience will be engaged in sidebar conversations or the typical buzzing that often occurs before a presentation begins.  One of the biggest mistakes a communicator can make is to begin a presentation while this is going on.  When you do this, you send the message that it is okay to talk while you are presenting.  Well, it’s not okay and one of the best ways to get that message across is to not speak until the room is absolutely silent.  From high school students to business executives, virtually any audience will respond to your silence by stopping their conversations and looking at you wondering, “what gives?”  At first, this is going to feel a bit uncomfortable.  But over time, this approach will pay big dividends for both you and your audience.  Bottom line?  Own the room!

 

--Self-aware and natural body language.  When you are slouching, have your hands in your pockets, or are cowering behind the podium, the message is sent that you are uncomfortable with this communication experience.  You may be uncomfortable, but you can’t let your audience know it.  Instead, stand tall, put your shoulders back, get your hands out of your pockets and get out from behind the podium.  Again, at first you’ll feel like you are in uncharted territory, but the more you do it, the more comfortable and more confident you will feel.  In turn, your audience will have more confidence in you and what you have to say.  Finally, you will feel their confidence in you.  The whole thing builds on itself.  People feel a connection with those they admire and respect and the way people carry themselves goes a long way in that regard.

 

--A positive, “I’m glad to be here” attitude.  Positive people usually get a positive response from their audience.  You need to get yourself in a constructive state of mind.  If you don’t, your audience is going to know it right away.  It’s all about the energy you give off.  It doesn’t matter how good your material is, if you have a bad attitude you have no chance at making a meaningful connection.  Instead of thinking, “I can’t believe I have to give this stupid presentation,” say to yourself, “What a great opportunity to share with these people and make a connection.”  It’s all about attitude. 

November 2019

Great Leaders know how to Motivate
Steve Adubato, PhD

Brigadier General Alberto C. Rosende, shares his leadership advice about the challenges of building an effective team and motivating team members.

Great leaders know how to motivate and inspire their people.  But how do you do that in these difficult and challenging times?  I recently polled some team members and clients and here is a brief summary of their responses: 

--Money is a big motivator, but a complicated one.  It means different things to different people.  While money motivates some more than others, I found that it meant more to team members with families to support and bigger bills to pay.  With younger team members, money mattered, but not as much as other factors such as being challenged with new opportunities on a regular basis and to being engaged in projects that allowed them to feel as if they were “making a difference”.

--Balanced workload.  All of us, regardless of our position, do work or tasks that aren’t particularly fun, but are important to the success of the organization.  Many told me that it is motivating to have a healthy balance between projects and assignments they like to do versus what they know they must do.  If this balance is skewed too heavily toward work that is tedious, mundane or just plain boring, it will wear people out and they will soon be looking to walk out the door.  We must communicate to our people that we understand and recognize the importance of achieving this delicate balance. 

 

--Who you work with is a huge motivator.  Many folks are turned off by working with people who are lazy, poor performers with a bad attitude.  What makes it worse is when these same employees are rewarded with comparable pay to those who are working hard and performing at a high level.  This communicates a bad message.  What motivates most people is working around professionals who are committed to the team’s success with an attitude that says, “We are all in this together”.

 

--Variety motivates.  If you do the same thing every day, you are going to be unmotivated.  Conversely, mixing up your professional portfolio is motivating.  Smart managers and leaders are constantly looking at a team member’s responsibilities and asking this question; “What new project or assignment can I give to John that would challenge him and make a meaningful contribution to our team?”  By doing that, you will diversify John’s workload and create more value for the team. 

 

--Recognition and feedback.  This cuts both ways.  Being recognized for a job well-done is motivating.  Smart managers communicate this face-to-face, over the phone, and via e-mail.  Sometimes they do this one-on-one with the person involved, but they also can communicate this to the larger team.  Clearly, getting such positive recognition makes people feel good about themselves and their work.  At the same time, if a healthy relationship is in place, and an employee is feeling motivated on a regular basis, then he or she is better prepared to receive constructive criticism and feedback when it is needed.  In fact, such feedback can even motivate that team member to do an even better job because he or she feels valued and important. 

 

--Being trusted can be very motivating.  When given an assignment, many employees want to work independently.  They don’t want to be micromanaged and asked every five minutes; “Jane, where are you on that project?”  This communicates a lack of trust.  But if you are given clear direction and an opportunity to be challenged, you want a degree of independence and the ability to execute and implement a project or assignment.  Such an environment is very motivating. 

 

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